The Dartnel
July 30, 2005
Well, the show’s
closed, and the marquee’s down. The only
thing left to do is to tell you all about it.
(Ah, man, do I have to?)
We did a good job,
considering we had less than a month to pull it all together. We did scenes from Fiddler on the Roof,
Alice in Wonderland, Barefoot in the Park, The Best Christmas
Pageant Ever, Our Town, Charlotte’s Web, On Golden Pond,
The Wizard of Oz, and Godspell.
We all had a lot of fun. As for
my scenes, I think I was way too convincing! I played the town drunk in Our Town
all out. I basically adopted the role of
a drunk, exaggerating it so that it would be all too obvious that this guy had,
to use a colloquialism, a snootful. I
was going for laughs. When I walked out,
completely uncoordinated, looking completely disheveled, I got complete
silence. My first thought, and I doubt I
would have thought this ten years ago, was, Oops, I may have gone too
far with this; now everybody in town’s gonna think I make a habit of getting smashed! As for Barefoot in the Park, I think I
made a rather convincing 58-year-old lady chaser. What worries me is, I didn’t need any makeup
to play the role! Actually, our director
decided against it. We really didn’t
have the means to make me look old(er).
Besides, I was doing a “gravel in the throat” voice. No, I can’t explain it any better than that!
Today’s uplifting
thought from the Dartman: Live and let
live. As in, leave lions alone! Do you really want them angry? Keep your head out of their mouths! (Great, now everybody’s going to think I’m
smashed!)
I didn’t realize
that I might have once had a brush with a future celebrity. Let me explain, and this may also be a trick
to get more people to visit my website.
I attended Northeastern State University in Tahlequah, Oklahoma,
throughout 2002 and 2003. Evidently,
there was also an underclassman there that I may have occasionally seen by the
name of Carrie Underwood. For those of
you who like American Idol, the name should be instantly recognizable. (Personally, I think each and every last
reality show/competition show should be flushed down the toilet. Shows like Unsolved Mysteries and Rescue
911 were true reality shows. How can
they even call Survivor a reality show?
All it is is a game show! American
Idol is just another form of Star Search. By the way, I’m still only 26. Rant over.)
Okay, can somebody please tell me where I was going with
this? I have completely forgotten!
Speaking of things
people wish I’d forget, it’s time for the…
Word of the
Week: circumlocution – n. meaning the use of many words to express
an idea that might be expressed by few; indirect or roundabout language
(pronounced sir-kuhm-loh-KYOO-shuhn)
Somehow, that might be the most appropriate word to describe the Dartnel.
See you next
curtain call.
Darrell
July 22, 2005
Show night. If you’re in the area, stop by and see me
make a complete fool of myself. Tonight
and tomorrow night at 7 pm. Carl Albert
State College, at the auditorium. No
sentence fragments admitted. (As an
aside, my spelling/grammar check identified only one sentence fragment;
my personal count indicates three.)
Well, my car rolled
over the 100,000-mile mark, without blowing up. I owe Stan twenty bucks. Seriously, though, have you ever driven a car
with a blown-up air conditioner and a drivers’ side window that can’t roll down
in near-record heat? I call it an
extreme weight loss plan. It’s like
driving around in your own personal sauna!
It’s a pity, though; I need to gain weight, not lose it!
Today’s uplifting
thought from the Dartman: When things
bother you, take a deep breath. Count to
ten. Close your eyes. Wait!
Watch out for the bridge!
NOOO! (Perhaps it’s best not to
try this when you’re driving…)
As long as I’m on
the driving kick, let me share something with you. When I was attending NSU and driving 180
miles round-trip every other day, I considered writing a book about driving. It would have been a semi-humorous look at
driving habits, both good and bad. For
example, “It’s not really stopping if the car doesn’t stop moving!” (What is, “Why does a rolling stop still get
you a ticket for running a stop sign?”)
Another good one would have been, “Shoulders are not a passing lane if
someone’s making a left-hand turn!” One
chapter title might have been, “Why Should I Use My Blinkers When No One Else
Does?” How about this one: “Why NOT to
Drive Down the Center of the Road”? Or
this one: “Those White Rectangular Signs Are Just a Suggestion”? (Of course, that last one’s sarcastic.) I would also have included a chapter called
“The Road Less Traveled”, in which I extol the benefits of taking, say, a
highway over an interstate or toll road.
I may still write that book someday.
To this day, it amazes me how many people will pass you in a no passing
zone, speed onto the highway without stopping (or even roll-stopping), or drive
down the center of a highway with marked center lines.
Well, time for
everybody’s favorite, the…
Word of the
Week: extol - transitive verb meaning to
praise highly; to glorify; to exalt (pronounced ik-STOHL)
Excuse me; I’m
supposed to have an attack of stage fright in five minutes!
Darrell
July 15, 2005
So what if I’m a couple of days behind in updating this Dartnel? Who cares about that, anyway?
This update is devoted to the play I’m in.
The production is called “30 Years of Good Times.” (The joke here is that it’s the 30th
anniversary of the Good Times Community Theater.) We’re doing various scenes from different
programs the group has put on the past … err, I forgot how many years the
group’s been around, or what it’s called.
J I
am in two of the scenes. The great thing
is, I don’t even have to act; I just have to be myself! Actually, that’s not true. I’m not the organist/town drunk, nor am I
“The Bluebeard of
Today’s uplifting thought from the Dartman: When things seem too tough to handle,
remember that there’s always hope.
(Sorry, no joke this week; I’m actually going for uplifting this time!)
continued
from above… Geez, that
was smoothly done. I’m playing two
roles, as I mentioned. In Barefoot in the Park, I’m Victor
Velasco, a 58-year-old nutcase. (Why do
I have to play the old nutcase?) I get
the singular pleasure of making the female lead feel uncomfortable. I actually get to chase a pretty young woman
around the set and not get in trouble for it!
Of course, with my (lack of) physique, we had to change a scene. My character is supposed to, at one point,
lift Corie Bratter (the name of the female lead character) so that she can
adjust the radiator. At that moment, her
husband is supposed to enter the scene.
Very funny, but not possible for me to pull off. My maximum rated load is about 47
pounds. We came up with a
workaround. The other role I’m playing
is that of Simon Stimson in Our Town. He’s the organist of the local church and the
town slosh. (That means drunk, Stan. Stop making me interrupt my narratives to
define words for you!)
I’m also reminded of something humorous that
happened to me several years ago. I was
involved with a campus TV show while I attended
Ah, why not, the underlined is the…
Word
of the Week: ostensibly –
adv. meaning from appearances alone;
represented or appearing as such (syllable breakdown: os·ten·si·bly)
Set a course for cancellation.
Darrell
July 6, 2005
Bad news… This Web site has received a negative nine
ranking. Wait… That ranking came from the golf club
Favorable Online Ratings Enclave. That
means that –9 is good! (There’s a
hidden joke here somewhere.)
As I write this,
I’m reminded of what a great American used to say. Unfortunately, I don’t remember who (s)he was
or what (s)he said. Actually, I don’t
know why I thought I was reminded of what a great American said. Ah, well, maybe I’m just wasting valuable
Internet space. Like anybody does that!
This update of my
life brought to you by FORE. Still
looking for work. Still skinny. Still a Star Trek fan. Still afraid that my car engine will blow up
the minute it hits 100,000 miles, which should be in only another two weeks.
Today’s uplifting
thought from the Dartman: Dogs have
feelings, too. When you see a dog, say
“hi”. Don’t give a dog cookies, though;
(s)he will never leave you alone again!
Dogs are like cats; feed them, and you’re whipped.
This story brought
to you by Stan’s House of Wigs. I’m in a
play at the end of the month. One of the
roles I’m playing is that of Simon Stimson in “Our Town”. (Maybe it should be, Our Town.) There’s a line of dialogue that goes, “You
couldn’t beat ‘em, even if you wanted to.”
I can’t say that line well! Every
time I try to say it, I slur the last part!
I was just about to the point of replacing ‘em with them. Then I realized, What in the world am I
thinking? If you’re not familiar with Our
Town, let me explain that Simon Stimson is the organist of the local church
and also the town drunk. Let me repeat, the
town drunk! He’s supposed to
be drunk when he says the aforementioned line!
My slurring of the last part of that line is actually a benefit! If he’s drunk, he’s not going to have perfect
annunciation! Once again, saved by my
own stupidity! (Wait… stupidity didn’t
play a part in this; it was my lead tongue!)
Speaking of yelling
“Fore!”, it’s the…
Word of the
Week: garrulous – adj.
meaning 1. Talking much, especially about commonplace or trivial things;
talkative; 2. Wordy (pronounced GAIR-uh-lus)
Well, I’m off. Please, no jokes behind my back. I can’t stand it anymore!
Darrell