The Dartnel
October 31, 2005
Happy Halloween!
Remember,
as you look at all the scary, spooky things all around you, that you're looking
into a mirror, Stan! (Sorry, obvious
joke.)
On
the off chance that anyone is reading this, let me tell you some things. One: I
am still looking for work. I went on
another interview last week. Having said
that, I've just about given up on getting an office job. Why is it that you go to college, get a
four-year degree, graduate at the top of your class, and wind up asking people
if they want fries with their order?
Don't we go to college to avoid
that? Blah, blah, blah. Two:
I'm involved backstage in the Good Times Community Theater League's production
of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. In spite of my not appearing on stage, I
strongly encourage you to come see the show.
Read the crawl on the front page, but don't read it too long if you
don't want to be teased! Okay, the show
times are as follows: Thursday and
Friday at 7 PM, Sunday at 2 PM. Just so
you know, I'm in charge of the sound effects.
Today's
uplifting thought from the Dartman:
Ghosts and ghouls are really scary, and goblins and mummies are truly
frightening, but the spookiest thing I've ever seen was that letter from
you-know-who telling me that I was now the most popular Halloween costume. (Not funny, and lay off the sushi!)
Three: It's once again time to collect candy, dress
up in funny looking costumes, and make funny faces. No, I'm not talking about the monthly Dartnel
Editorial Staff Party! It's
Halloween! As such, to get into the
spirit, I am currently dressed as a rabid beaver. Stan's costume is really scary; he's an agent
from the IRS. It's so realistic, it even
scared him! The dog is dressed as a
cat. We have witches and hobgoblins and
cheddar cheese puffs. All this can be
yours if the price is right! (Hold on…
eggnog isn't traditional for Halloween!)
Speaking
of eggnog, it's the…
Word
of the Week: immolate
- transitive verb meaning 1. To sacrifice; to offer in sacrifice; to kill as a sacrificial
victim; 2. To kill or destroy, often by fire (pronounced IM-uh-layt)
You've got your candy; get off my
lawn! Hey… what's with the eggs and
toilet paper?
Darrell
October
20, 2005
Welcome
back to the place that doesn’t know when to stop. I mean it; we don’t even know the meaning of the word “stop”. (No, that isn’t
the word of the week, Stan!)
Well,
Hello, Dolly! has closed. No, I don’t have the winner of the over-under
bet yet! It’s probably a good thing we
wrapped when we did; I nearly missed my final cue because I was staring at the
horse costume! There also was the time
when I inadvertently whacked a fellow cast member with a serving tray… Ah, memories.
Now, I’m onto the next play, on which I am merely providing
behind-the-scenes assistance. Ironically
enough, it’s being performed on the same
stage. Let me tell you, I almost
cried when I showed up for that play’s practice and saw that our sets for Hello, Dolly! had already been
completely struck. I nearly cried. That stage looked so empty, so lonely. C’est la vie, I suppose.
Today’s
uplifting thought from the Dartman: A
smile is merely a frown turned upside down.
(Wait… did I get that one right?)
Here
we are, approaching Halloween again. I’m
going as Stan; it’s the scariest costume I can come up with! Actually, I should go as an IRS agent; they
scare people all the time! I don’t
know. Halloween falls on a Monday this
year. I’m sure a certain fat, orange
tabby cat in the cartoons is thrilled about that! (In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve got nothing!)
In
related news, I’m still looking for work.
I’m extremely close to throwing in the towel and working at a burger
joint. Hey, work is work, and money is
money. I think I’ll have more success in
finding a good accounting job once I have my Master’s degree in
Accounting. Of course, to get that
advanced degree, I need money; and to get money, I need a job. It’s a rather vicious cycle, isn’t it?
Speaking
of cycles, it’s time to cycle back to the…
Word of the Week: tocsin
– n. meaning 1. An alarm bell, or the
ringing of a bell for the purpose of alarm; 2. A warning (pronounced TOCK-sin)
You may now kiss the bride.
Darrell
October 13, 2005
This
is my final revenge for skipping a week!
Mwh-ha-ha!
We
continue to rehearse for Hello, Dolly! … Wait
a minute… Rehearsal's over! The winner of the over-under bet will be
announced at a future date. Our first
performance is tonight at, as Stan puts it, "Seven o'clock PM at
night." (He just stole that from
some obscure country music group led by someone called the
"Roadhog".) The following
information on Hello, Dolly! is
lifted straight from the Carl Albert State College website (the URL is http://www.carlalbert.edu/campus_news/play05.htm;
it is not a hyperlink for the simple
reason that it will be or has already been deactivated):
CASC's Fall production of "Hello
Dolly!" will be performed in the Hamilton Complex Auditorium October
13-16. The lead role of Dolly Levy will be performed by Dana Dinsmore, CASC
Music Instructor. Cast members include Beth Buchanan, Chris Howk, Dustin
Goss, Kayla Poole, Nathan Scott, Greg Breeding, Rachel Jones, Amber Slabaugh, April
Bacorn, Peter Batemon, Brandon Billy, Lisa Weaver, Sondra Warren, Sarah
Blackburn and Ashley Walker. Chorus members include Aaron Williams, Adam
Hackman, Drew Cogburn, Darrell Plummer Jr., Jessica Bell, Lisa Dawn Peters,
Jillian Means and Trista Gipson. Choreographers are Jordan Wood and Beth
Buchanan. Tickets are $5 for adults and $3 for students. CASC students are
admitted free of charge with a current ID.
That
font style featured above is called "Broadway", and I hope you'll
appreciate the irony.
Dress
rehearsal was yesterday. It marked two
firsts for me: my first time ironing,
and my first time in make-up. I hate to
admit this, but after ironing my first pair of pants (and being asked by
another person if the iron was… keep reading), I discovered that the darn thing
wasn't plugged in! I guess it makes
sense; electric irons work best when they're plugged in! As for the make-up, that wasn't without
disaster, either. The first, and what
should have been the only, coat I applied turned out to be too light. I don't have experience with make-up! (Shut up, Stan!!!) I even had to put on lipstick. Maybe it was just me, but I couldn't tell
afterwards that I was even wearing
make-up! Weak eyes, I guess. By the way, I had to have a place on my head
that used to have hair on it powdered. I
hesitate to call it a bald spot, as that implies that the hair loss area is on
the top of my head. Let's just say that my hair doesn't come down
onto my forehead as much as it used to.
We did well yesterday, and I hope y'all enjoy that there play. By the way, for those of you who asked, that
hat I'm wearing is CASC property; does anyone think I even own a hat that looks like that?
Today's
uplifting thought from the Dartman:
Where's the beef? Hey, where's the beef? I don't think there's anybody back
there.
I'll
do y'all the favour of skippin' that there Word of the Weak since y'all got
three in two entryes this here munth.
(Sorry, I'm dictating this week, and Stan's had too much root beer.) I will, however, provide you with another On
This Date, simply to appease our crack editorial staff.
On this day in 1953, the first ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel Bagno. Burglars would break into houses and unknowingly trip the alarm. But, because it was ultrasonic, and outside the range of human hearing, they couldn't hear it go off. They only realized they'd set the alarm off when, moments later, the house was surrounded by dogs in "Brinks" uniforms.
There'll
be more to come, right after this!
Darrell
October 11, 2005
Another
week, another round of mind-numbing ramblings from the Dartnel's crack
editorial staff. We really need to cut back on the coffee…
We
continue to rehearse for Hello, Dolly! (Could somebody please tell me how many times I've used that sentence?) Again, keeping with my incipit rules and
regulations, I'm not divulging any plot lines, story loopholes, bad acting,
etc. You want the inside story, you come
see the show. The next person who, upon
missing one of my performances, says "But I was in Japan!" gets
thrown to the kimono dragon. Either
that, or I print your face onto a Japanese flag and throw darts at it! (Boy, am I mischievous today! Mwh-ha-ha!)
If
you came in through the front door, you saw a picture of me in costume. Boy, do I look old! I'll have to face it; I'm too old to play
17-year-olds ever again, or ever! Incidentally, I found that picture posted on
the Carl Albert State College website.
They have a page publicizing Hello,
Dolly! Was that really one of the two best pictures they could find to advertise
the musical? (Yes, there is another
picture there, and fortunately, I'm not
in that one!) How ugly is our cast, anyway? What did I do to deserve having my picture
posted on the Internet? Will seeing my
face prompt people to actually come
to the show? If they do, are they
bringing tomatoes? I know, I know. It seems that I'm beating myself up
again. I just think that I make for a
terrible picture. I made the joke last
week about trying to buy the Mona Lisa with 1,000 words; isn't that what a
picture is worth? Let's just say that a
picture of me is worth 1,000 words of
explanation and 647 words of value. (By the way, I didn't choose the number
"647" arbitrarily. Blame our
crack editorial staff.)
Today's
uplifting thought from the Dartman:
Practice makes perfect. That is,
if you can call making a complete buffoon out of yourself perfect. (Let's face it; too much practice is a bad
thing.)
Before
we go on to the Word of the Week, I have an announcement. Starting this week at the Dartnel, our crack
editorial staff has suggested to me (read: forced
me to do) that I should do my part to contribute to the education of this
world. Evidently, they think the Word of
the Week is about as educational (and exciting) as watching paint dry. Therefore, they have suggested (read: demanded) that I provide an historical
fact at least once a month. Here is the
trial run of our crack editorial staff's latest (read: first) idea.
On
this date in 1968, Apollo 7, the first manned Apollo mission, was launched with
astronauts Wally Schirra, Donn Fulton Eisele and R. Walter Cunningham
aboard. As we all know the Apollo
missions eventually cumulated in the first trip to the moon, years and years
later, in 1969. (Sarcastic touch added. ~ DPJ)
Enough
education, it's time for the…
Word of the Week: Zeitgeist
- n. meaning the spirit of the time; the
general intellectual and moral state or temper characteristic of any period of
time. [Also written with a lower-case initial: zeitgeist] (pronounced TSYT-guyst or ZYT-guyst)
That
word is for all of you who have incessantly complained about the letter Z's
notable absence from the Word of the Week Dictionary. You're welcome, and shut up!
Remember,
you're the real reason behind the success of the Dartnel, not our crack
editorial staff. They never read the
Dartnel anyway, so I can write anything
I want! J What does that say, then, that I still use
their ideas? L Well, back to practice.
Hello,
Dolly! (Good-bye, heart!)
Darrell
October 6, 2005
We
here at the Dartnel are extremely happy to be back with you this week. Since I was MIA last week, you’ll get a
special, bonus Word of the Week! It promises to love you, wait affectionally
for you to come home, curl up into your lap…
Wait, I’m thinking of something else.
We continue to rehearse for Hello,
Dolly! (The over-under is now at
47.) Just one more week to go! The marquee should be running on the home
page. We’re all excited. Now, if we can just remember our cues… There are some people who might have new
roles if they can’t remember their cues.
Welcome to show business. We’ve got to pull this thing together. We’re still a little loud on moving 200-pound
set pieces on- and off-stage. (Geez,
who’d have thunk?)
As for me, I’ve decided to invent a back story for my non-speaking
character. He escorts his sister to the
train bound for
Today’s uplifting thought from the Dartman: A picture is worth a thousand words. Actually, that’s a lie. I went to an art gallery and used precisely
1,000 words to describe the Mona Lisa, and I still didn’t get the painting!
$2.5 million, when I paid a thousand words? Grrr!
As you know, it’s been a couple of weeks since my last Dartnel
entry. I apologize. To catch you all up, I have a bulleted list
which follows on what I’ve done the last two weeks:
ü
We continue to rehearse for Hello, Dolly! (Not that again!)
ü
I’ve been on a couple of job interviews, one in
ü
I’ve played computer games.
ü
I’m behind-the-scenes talent for the next production
of our local community theater.
ü
I’ve started shaving daily.
Speaking of shaving daily, it’s the…
Word of the
Week: sempiternal – adj. meaning of never ending duration; having beginning but no end;
everlasting; endless (pronounced sem-pih-TUR-nuhl)
Speaking of sempiternal, it’s really endless, for here’s the…
BONUS Word of
the Week: gewgaw – n. meaning a showy trifle; a toy; a splendid plaything; a pretty but
worthless bauble (pronounced G(Y)OO-gaw)
I’m
outta here!
Darrell