The Dartnel
September 22,
2005
Welcome back. Our next guest is
that great luminary from the world of the Web…
You all know him… It’s the
creator of the Dartnel… Wait, I thought
it was a luminary we were bringing
out! I despise the Dartnel! Get
that loser out of here!
We continue to rehearse for Hello,
Dolly! (Anybody placing bets on how
many times I’m going to use that sentence?)
We have choreographed the big restaurant number. Can my bony knees take it? I’m fairly certain that I’ve dropped another
five pounds that I can’t spare via working on the dance numbers! Not only that, but people are complaining
that they can smell me through the computer.
I didn’t realize that this musical would be so physically
demanding! In a way, I’m thankful that I
don’t have one of the main roles. In
another way, I think that the main roles would be easier than this! The people
portraying our main roles are all extremely talented, by the way. I’m just living scenery. I’m there to make things look good. (Stop
laughing, Stan!) I’m having a
lot of fun, though. We’re down to 2½ weeks
before curtain call. We just need to
polish it up a bit.
Today’s scary fact: The next
tropical storm in the
Today’s uplifting thought from the Dartman: Life is like a hamburger. It’s no good raw and unprepared, but it’s
also no good over prepared and burnt.
Let’s dip into my past for a spell.
Recently, I remembered a time when I was driving to Tahlequah. If you’ve never been to Sallisaw from Poteau
(Sallisaw is on the way to Tahlequah), there’s a hill/mountain a few miles
south of Sallisaw called
Speaking of things to be proud of (sarcasm intended), it’s time for the…
Word of the
Week: deliquesce - intransitive verb meaning 1. To
melt away or to disappear as if by melting; 2. (Chemistry) To dissolve
gradually and become liquid by attracting and absorbing moisture from the air,
as certain salts, acids, and alkalies; 3. To become fluid or soft with age, as
certain fungi; 4. To form many small divisions or branches -- used especially
of the veins of a leaf (pronounced del-ih-KWES)
I’d like to thank all our guests. Thanks for stopping by. Join us next time, here on the Dartnel!
Darrell
September 14,
2005
Welcome back to
your one-stop source for imbecilic opinion and ridiculous rhetoric.
We continue to
rehearse for Hello, Dolly!
Curtain call is mid-October, next month.
(October does come after September, right?) We’re now getting into choreographing the
musical numbers. That’s right; I have to
dance. I think I’ve come up with a way
to keep my voice on key. I’ve dropped
down to my bass key again. That’s about
the only way I can sing, even though it doesn’t really sound like my
voice. If you’ve never heard me sing
bass, then you’ve never heard me sing well.
I actually think that I make a very good bass singer. The thing is, my knowledge of music and
singing comes from hearing all-male quartets like the Statler Brothers and the
Cathedrals. I’m performing with people
who are well versed in all kinds of music.
They’re comfortable with show tunes; I’m not. They’re used to dancing; I’m not. Most of them either are in the Show Choir at
Carl Albert State College or have been in a show choir somewhere; I
haven’t. They can sing on key without
throwing their voices; I can’t. They’re
all happy, well-adjusted people; I’m not.
(Just seeing if you’re paying attention!)
Today’s uplifting
thought from the Dartman: Actually, it’s
a story! (I didn’t write this one
myself, and I don’t know who wrote it, so I hope I’m not stepping on somebody’s
toes.) In this world, there’s only two
things to worry about. Either you’re
well, or you’re sick. If you’re well,
there’s nothing to worry about. If
you’re sick, there’s only two things to worry about. Either you’re going to get better, or you’re
going to die. If you get better, there’s
nothing to worry about! If you die,
there’s only two things to worry about.
Either you’ll go to heaven or to hell.
If you go to heaven, there’s noting to worry about!!! But if you go to hell, you’ll be too busy
shaking hands with your friends to have time to worry!
DISCLAIMER: The above story was a joke. If you’re going to be meeting your friends in
hell, you’d better find some new friends pronto. Besides, hell isn’t called a lake of fire for
nothing!
I’d like to take a
moment here to reflect. That’s funny; my
mirror just broke. I wish I’d gotten
into acting sooner. Over the last year,
I’ve been in three productions, and I’ve had a lot of fun in each and every one
of them. I’ve always loved performing,
as those of you who’ve had the (mis)fortune of hearing my audiocassette tapes
can attest to. Maybe I could have had
the town convinced that I was a skirt chasing drunk earlier!
Speaking of reasons
the town fears me, it’s the…
Word of the
Week: afflatus – n. meaning a divine imparting of knowledge; inspiration (pronounced
uh-FLAY-tuhs)
Would somebody please
let Alcoholics Anonymous know that I was acting in that play? They keep hounding me!
Darrell
September 7,
2005
My word, where does
the time go? I still feel as though it’s
April!
We continue to
rehearse for Hello, Dolly! (I got
the punctuation right this time!)
Yesterday was probably our worst rehearsal by far. Part of it stems from the fact that it’s been
five days between rehearsals, part stems from the fact that some of us (read:
me) aren’t quite sure what we should do and when we should do it, and part of
it stems from the fact that most of the cast are college students in their late
teens who have way too much energy and short attention spans. I can relate, as it takes me a lot of effort
to focus on what I’m doing. Of course, I
do manage to focus. In ten years, though,
all bets are off. (If you’re considering
me for a job, the last couple of sentences were a joke! I have great focus!) Part of me is worried that these kids may
tear up the curtains! Not really. I am worried that some of our
principles still don’t know their lines.
At least we still have a month.
By then, maybe I can be singing on key.
Yesterday, I came to a grim realization during one of the big musical
numbers. Either I’m ten or twenty keys
off, or the rest of the cast is horrendously off key! I’ll let those of you who’ve heard me sing
make that call, provided your hearing is still intact! Yesterday I was singing, and five dogs showed
up, thinking they had heard a dog whistle!
You know the kind; a whistle that dogs can hear, but humans can’t!
Today’s uplifting
thought from the Dartman: Keep on the
sunny side of life. The dark side isn’t
any fun… Oops, this is turning into a
rant against Star Wars! Sorry!
I would like to
extend my sympathies to the survivors of Hurricane Katrina. I realize that I’m really tardy with my best
wishes, and I’m sorry for that. Let’s
face it; not many people stop by here at the Dartnel. The biggest disaster I’ve ever faced was the
time my tire lost its tread just outside Vian.
I can’t imagine losing my home, my city, and my entire livelihood. Having said all of that, though, I have to
talk about some of the reprehensible behavior down in New Orleans. First of all, those that feel that our
government didn’t send aid faster because it’s racist are just angry
people. We as humans, when something
goes horribly wrong, feel the instinctual need to blame somebody, anybody. People down there have turned to violent
crime, perhaps another display of their extreme anger at the situation. Every time I hear about such things, I think
that New Orleans has turned into Iraq.
I also remember
something from Star Trek that perfectly describes the situation in New
Orleans. It was an episode of Deep
Space Nine. (To protect myself, I’m
not identifying the episode by name, and if anybody asks, I don’t remember the
episode’s title.) Quark, a big-eared
Ferengi, tells his nephew Nog something about humans. At the time, they’ve landed in what is a
battlefield. The troops there are
demoralized and expecting a fight. (Just
think Iraq, for you non-Trekkers out there.)
Quark says something to the effect of this (I’m getting the gist of the
line, but not the exact words; I don’t remember the exact words): Humans are peaceful creatures when they’re
well fed and well entertained. Deprive
them of these things, and they can become as bloodthirsty as any Klingon (in Star
Trek, Klingons are bloodthirsty, warlike people). That’s what’s happened in New Orleans. These people have lost everything and have
turned to their darker sides.
We all have the
capacity for great violence and cruelty.
We don’t give into it easily. It
takes great stress for this dark capacity to come out, like a hurricane
destroying your city. Once unleashed,
though, it’s hard to rein back in. Those
people in New Orleans who have given in to this dark capacity are lashing out,
almost without control. They’re even
attacking those people who are trying to help them. I’m sure a lot of them don’t even realize
what they’re doing. I’m not exonerating
their actions; I feel they should be locked up.
I’m just giving an explanation and hoping that they’re locked up in a
mental institution, not a prison. Those
people need help more than punishment.
Why do I feel as
though I’m a licensed therapist? I’m an accountant! I charge $100 an hour for doing taxes, not
listening to people’s innermost thoughts!
Speaking of needing
therapy, it’s the…
Word of the
Week: busker – n. meaning a person who entertains (as by playing music) in public
places (pronounced BUS-kur)
I was looking for a Word of the Week that related in a way to
Live long and
prosper.
Darrell