Signs You’re Getting Older…

In celebration of my 26^th birthday, I have compiled a list of sure signs that you are getting just a wee bit older. I hope you enjoy this list. ~Darrell

You know you’re getting older when some or all of these things happen:

Your favorite hobby is sleeping.

Your favorite late-night show is the six-o-clock news.[i]

You repeat yourself.

That person yelling, “Turn that dad-burn music down!”? It’s you!

Your idea of “getting lucky” is finding your car in the Wal-Mart parking lot.[ii]

You repeat yourself.

You have more hair growing out of your ears than on top of your head.

You can’t remember what you’re… eh, could someone please tell me what it is that I’m doing?[iii]

You repeat yourself.

You think the Statler Brothers’ music is too risqué.

Your ice cream birthday cake melts due to the intense heat from all your birthday candles.

You preface everything you say with the words “I reckon”.

I reckon pretty young women keep callin’ me “sir.” (For you women out there, if someone says that to you, punch them first and ask questions later.)[iv]

I reckon I can’t relate to those newfangled shows where it’s fashionable to curse and swear every other word.[v]

You repeat yourself.

You don’t understand why “Cheers”, “Three’s Company”, and “McGyver” are on TV Land.

You repeat yourself, I reckon.[vi]

The final sign you’re getting older: You decide to post a column on your Web site entitled “Signs You’re Getting Older”.

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[i] This comes from a Garfield comic strip from back in the ‘80s. Garfield says in it, “You know you’re getting old when your favorite late night show is the six-o-clock news,” or something to that effect.

[ii] This comes from the Statler Brothers’ Farewell Concert, available in video and CD formats. In it, bass singer Harold Reid says of baritone singer Phil Balsley, who is two weeks his senior, “Phil is so old that he thinks getting’ lucky, is findin’ his car in the Wal-Mart parking lot!”

[iii] Do NOT send any complaints to showsinc@hotmail.com.

[iv] DO NOT PUNCH THEM!!! THIS WEBSITE CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR LAWSUITS AND CRIMINAL PROCEEDINGS. IN CASE YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, THIS IS A JOKE COLUMN.

[v] Actually, this is a sign that you are a well-adjusted person. Give yourself a big pat on the back!

[vi] You know you’re getting older if you click on every endnote in this column, so cut it out already!