Shy's Mystic Tarot Cards

Dear Uncle Grumpy,

I just started a new job, and my boss is great -- except that she is constantly telling me how to lose weight!

I've been fat all my life and, believe me, there isn't a diet or exercise out there that I haven't tried. I dress well and my hair and makeup are perfect when I leave home. Everyone always compliments me on how pretty I look. But I seem to always run into someone like my boss.

Right off, she thought that just because I met her, I would now suddenly be able to lose weight. She thinks she has the magical answer, and I must just be too stupid to have accomplished losing weight on my own, before she came along.

How can I kindly shut her up, and get her to accept me as I am?

Big Beautiful "Duh", Galveston, TX


Dear Beauty,

What a fathead employer!

In my ancient time, women of girth were welcomed and treasured by one and all. To associate with such a lady was to be among the upper class.

To remedy thy situation, simply give thy fat to her, with a little spell thusly: Upon her initiation of speech about either horrible subject (diet or exercise), shrug thy shoulders in a most noticeable gesture, chuckle very oddly, and speak these words in a lilting voice,

"Kakka Wakka Woozee Tee."
Then turn away or walk away quickly.
Unknown to her, thou has chanted, "Off of Me and onto Thee!"

Once the thoughtless lady begins to gather girth, she will be silent. Or else, she will think thee to be mentally disturbed, and shut the devil up!

Send your Question to Uncle Grumpy by Email at shydesmith@yahoo.com

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