THE "CLEAN" POOPY...
The kind where you feel the poopy come out, see the poopy in the bowl, but there's no poopy on
the toilet paper.
THE "WET" POOPY...
You wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between
your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.
THE "SECOND WAVE" POOPY...
This poopy happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize
you have to poopy some more.
THE "BRAIN HEMORRAHAGE" POOPY...
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poopy". You have to strain so much to get it out that
you turn purple and practically have a stroke.
THE "CORN" POOPY...
No explanation necessary.
THE "LINCOLN LOG" POOPY...
The kind of poopy that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into
little pieces with the toilet brush.
THE "DRINKER'" POOPY...
The kind of poopy you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the
tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.
THE "I REALLY WISH I COULD POOPY" POOPY...
The kind where you want to poopy, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the
toilet, cramped and farting.
THE "WET CHEEKS" POOPY...
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt
cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.
THE "LIQUID" POOPY...
That's the kind where brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the
toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.
THE "MEXICAN FOOD" POOPY...
A class all its own.
THE "CROWD PLEASER" POOPY...
This poopy is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before
flushing.
THE "MOOD ENHANCER" POOPY...
This poopy occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self
again.
THE "RITUAL" POOPY...
This poopy occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
THE "GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS" POOPY...
A poopy so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
THE "AFTERSHOCK" POOPY...
This poopy has an odor so powerful that anyone entering the vicinity within the next 2 hours is
affected.
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" POOPY...
This is any poopy created in the presence of another person.
THE "GROANER" POOPY...
A poopy so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
THE "FLOATER" POOPY...
Characterized by its floatability, this poopy has been known to resurface after many flushings
.
THE "HANGER" POOPY...
A poopy which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion,
but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
THE "PHANTOM" POOPY...
This appears in the toilet mysteriously, and no one will admit to putting it there.
THE "PEEK-A-BOO" POOPY...
Now you see it, now you don't. This poopy is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle
control.
THE "BOMBSHELL" POOPY...
A poopy that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poopy or you are nowhere near poopying facilities.
THE "SNAKE" POOPY...
A long skinny poopy which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position -usually harmless.
THE "OLYMPIC" POOPY...
This poopy occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are
entered and bares a close resemblance to the Drinker's poopy.
THE "BACK-TO-NATURE" POOPY...
This poopy may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind
the passenger side of your car.
THE "PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN" POOPY...
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T
poopy.
THE "PREMEDITATED" POOPY...
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
"POOPYZOPHERENIA"...
Fear of poopying - can be fatal!
THE "ENERGIZER" POOPY...
Also known as a "Still Going" poopy.
THE "POWER" POOPY...
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.
THE "PLUNGER" POOPY...
This kind of poopy is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have
followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Poopy.)
THE "SIDEWINDER" POOPY...
The kind of poopy that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH" POOPY...
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Poopies. The shape and size of the turd resembles a
tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
THE "PORRIDGE" POOPY...
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush
and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.
THE "CUTTING EDGE" POOPY...
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the
morning.
THE "GOAT" POOPY...
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds
when they hit the water.
THE "WHAT THE DIED IN HERE?" POOPY...
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous
bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out
gagging and gasping for air.
THE "KLINGON" POOPY...
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now,
it's going to smear all over the place.