Dripping Sarcasm Reviews Copyright

1. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Jack: "See that's just rude. They don't call, they don't write, they just show up out of the blue when they need help like the in-laws from Hell. In fact, the Tok'ra are starting to annoy me in general. With their condescending attitudes and split personalities and their oh-so-flexible morals. They never just come out and tell us anything. Not to mention that whole 'don't call us, we'll call you' thing. What are we, a bad date? And then there's their horrible fashion sense..."

2. "Love him like a brother," Jack? We were kind of hoping you'd love him like a father, or at least like a father-in-law.

3. So we're expecting Marty and we get Anise. I can't decide whether I'm happy not to have to deal with Marty hitting on Sam, or upset that we got Seven of Nine's long lost sister instead.

4. "That looks like trouble to me." Danny-boy, I couldn't agree with you more. Funny, I don't recall Marty ever feeling the need to explain what his name means.

5. I think they purposely messed up Sam's hair in this first scene to make Anise's flat, dull, lackluster haircut look better.

6. Any bets on whether that hideously gaudy necklace is really there to hide the scar on the back of her neck where Anise entered in Goa'uld rather than Tok'ra fashion? And since when did mini-skirts come into fashion among the Tok'ra? Maybe Anise has been working undercover for Hathor. Either that or she's been watching way too much Xena.

7. Think there's any chance Anise informed Jacob that she was going to use his daughter and close friends as guinea pigs to test a device of unknown abilities from a race that died out of a mysterious cause? She probably just overlooked that little fact. She'd never do anything to endanger their valued allies, right?

8. Hmm, I wonder what was running through Jack's mind when he and Sam immediately looked at each other after Anise told them the armbands would "greatly increase all of your natural abilities."

9. "Human subjects"? Anise, your Goa'uld superiority complex is showing. She's obviously a big Machiavelli fan.

10. Jack didn't exactly look thrilled about Anise sticking her hand down his shirt. Kudos to him for looking beyond her skimpy clothing and realizing this chic sees him as a means to an end.

11. Anise sounds a like flight attendant "please feel free to move around". Maybe she had that job on a Goa'uld ship at some point. I can just see her pushing a little cart saying, "Can I get you some coffee, Lord Apophis? Fluff your pillow?"

12. My bet's on Janet in a cat fight. Thank god someone wasn't blinded by that bitch. I'm having flashbacks to "Hathor", only this time Sam is too intoxicated by the armbands to lead the revolt with Janet.

13. That boxing match looks familiar. Apparently these armbands turn you into Neo from The Matrix.

14. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Jack: "Teal'c, I'm really sorry."
Teal'c: "You are not."
Jack: "Yeah, you're right. I've been wanting to do that for years. In fact, as long as I have this super strength, I think I'm going to go find Maybourne and see what kind of internal damage I can do to him with a few punches."

15. Isn't it sweet of Daniel to lift up his shirt to give Janet a view of his whole chest while she puts on the biosensor? She sure takes a lot longer than Anise in adjusting it, too.

16. And Jack sitting next to Sam on the bed while she got hers on. I wonder if he got to put the biosensor on her.

17. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Sam: "So you don't trust her."
Janet: "No, don't be silly. Of course I trust the woman who prances around dressed like a slut, convinces my closest friends to be test subjects for an unknown piece of alien biomedical technology, pays no attention to the symptoms you're displaying as a result, withholds vital information, and refuses to allow me to properly monitor the data which affects the health of my patients."

18. I bet Anise would really love to get her hands on Dean Cain. Then again, who wouldn't.

19. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Anise: "My biodata indicates the armbands released a virus into their systems."
Hammond: "Doesn't that concern you?"
Anise: "Why would it? The tests are going well. I am getting incredible amounts of data. There is, as yet, no appreciable damage to the subjects. Everything is proceeding precisely according to my plan. Besides, they are only humans."

20. So the armbands release a virus, huh? Well, I always did think "We were under the influence of an alien virus" made for a fun excuse.

21. Sam wrote a thousand page book on wormhole physics in under two hours. That's great. Just two questions: Who's going to want to read a thousand page book on wormhole physics? And considering where her data is coming from, who's going have the security clearance to be able to?

22. Yeah, Jack, causing damage to the General's office is really going to make him amenable to your request. The only way he's going to let you off-world when you're acting like that is to send you to a world full of Bob Ross's happy trees as punishment.

23. "You're the boss. Whatever you say goes." Right. That sentiment didn't last very long, did it?

24. Poor Siler. The word 'oops' doesn't even begin to cover it. Although he came through pretty well for falling 10 feet and landing on a staircase, maybe Danny's rubbing off on him. And Jack isn't even terribly upset about it after the initial shock--maybe Siler had been hitting on Sam.

25. I know SG-1 has never been overly obedient, but to break out of house arrest to go for steaks? Must be some damn good meat. It is good to know they keep such nice clothes on base. Those matching black leather jackets of Jack and Sam's are sweet. With the way she was dressed combined with the 'we can do anything' high from the armbands, it's a wonder Jack let Danny go with them.

26. I love the looks Sam got when she ordered a diet soda with her four steaks and french fries. Cause God knows the extra hundred calories were gonna kill her at that point. At least she didn't say "I have to watch my figure."

27. Their waitress was about ready to die when she looked at these three well dressed, very trim people ordering enough food to feed a football team. Plus their bill had to be nearly $200. But then they didn't exactly stick around to pay it.

28. "Earth, steaks, there's a difference?" It's good to see Jack has his priorities in line.

29. I'm sorry, but did Danny look like a geek to anyone when that guy insulted him? Maybe in years past, but he was looking buff, fashionable, and very yummy that night. He wasn't even wearing glasses. Maybe the moron was insulting his taste in accessories.

30. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Jack: "Well, this is a cliche. And God knows this show never resorts to those. You guys have just been hustled by a woman and are now about to be beaten up by our formerly meek archaeologist, so we would never want you to resort to cliches."

31. O'Malley's looked like a really nice place. It's too bad Jack and Sam will never be able to go back there on their dates. I wonder if the owners accept the "we were high on alien technology" excuse for starting a brawl.

32. The increase in various hormone levels? Hmm, now that has definite potential. Just which hormones are being increased? Janet is practically laying out a defense to excuse whatever non-regulation behavior or actions Sam and Jack might engage in.

33. "Carter wanted a steak." "Actually, Sir, it was your idea." Apparently the armbands have turned the team into squabbling five-year-olds.

34. Thank God General Hammond finally woke up and smelled the manipulation. I was wondering how long Anise's devious connivances and Freya's insipid platitudes were going to go on before someone became wise to the fact that Janet's instincts were dead on. I realize Anise has a low opinion of the Tau'ri, but how dumb does she think we are?

35. "I don't believe the Tok'ra have my people's best interests in mind." Ya think? Of course, the Tok'ra always worry so much about the well being of the Tau'ri over their own goals.

36. "We'll need snacks." It's nice that Jack can contribute so much to this planning session.

38. I love the looks on Jack and Sam's faces on either side of that force field. Like Mulder and Scully in the X-Files movie, about five seconds before that damn bee.

39. Can anyone explain to me why Jack, Sam, and Danny feel the need to hide on the other end of the field while Teal'c dials instead of going with him so they can get through the Gate sooner?

40. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Hammond: "You were all under the influence of an alien technology. That's a pretty solid defense."
Jack: "Really? That's good, cause Carter and I have been breaking fraternization regulations right and left for the last two days. How much longer do you think the residual influence of that alien technology can last? About 30 years?"

41. REJECTED DIALOGUE:
Teal'c: "I have no need to apologize."
Hammond: "Teal'c was actually following orders."
Jack: "Of course he was. You always have to be the General's pet, don't ya? Kissing up and making the rest of us look bad."

42. Anise's inner monologue as she's looking around the Gateroom went something like this: "This dull metal and olive drab motif has got to go. A little crystal, some leather couches, a couple of throw pillows. Oh, I can spruce this place right up. Of course I'll have to get rid of these pesky humans women. Keep the better looking men, institute a new all-leather dress code, and I'll be right at home."

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