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I can't believe you talked me into doing this again Janet. I was in
the room with you for moral support you know. Are these the same questions
as before? Okay, I'm ready.
NAME: Major Samantha Carter. My friends call me Sam though.
SEX: Female. {like you'd even do it. there's probably cobwebs in there by now!} Janet! Jeez!
HOME: Colorado Springs. I actually spend more time at the base, so I should say here. Did you just say something Janet?
HEIGHT: Oh, I'm kind of tall really. 5'9" {5'6" is kind of tall for a woman, you're a friggin Amazon} Janet, I'm not THAT tall! Are we just a little sensitive about our height. What?
EYES: Blue
HAIR COLOR: Blond. Janet, what is it you keep saying? Janet, I...what?...oh, sorry. Yes, I want to continue.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?: Xena: Warrior Princess! {of course it is. With you both being Amazons and all} She's NOT an Amazon! She's...AAHHH! Just let me get through this Janet, okay!
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: On the base, I made this really neat
pad with the Stargate in the background.
At home, I have a picture of Ja...Jackson...Michael Jackson on it.
{liar. she has a picture of JACK
o'neill on it. she made that one too. isn't she talented!} JANET, what
the hell is wrong with you! What? What IS that word you keep saying!
FAVORITE MAGAZINE: Scientific Weekly. {playgirl!}
FAVORITE SMELL: Well, I've got a lot of scents that I love, but
I guess the my favorite one at the moment
would be my new shampoo. It's kiwi strawberry. {oh sam, didn't you
say once that you liked the way the colonel smelled when he was working
out in the gym?} NO! Janet, are you on drugs or something! Dipping into
the meds again. What? What the hell IS
that word you keep saying to me! JANET!
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Losing someone you love.
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Well, I guess that would be saving
someone that you love. And, saving earth feels
pretty good too! What? Janet, if you don't tell me what you are saying
over there, I'm going...THERE, you just said it again! TELL ME! {b#tch}
I can't BELIEVE you just called me that! I...you....can I have her removed
from the room? WHY!
THINGS TO DO ON WEEKENDS: I really don't want to do this anymore!
Can we finish this at some other time?
Are you two in league together or something! {if you just answer the
questions sam, then you can go back to playing with your toys} How CAN
I when I keep being called a b#tch! {I only called you that once} You've
been calling me that from the start of
this...whatever it's called! {sam, stop being such a baby and answer
the man} WHAT DO I LIKE TO DO ON THE FRIGGIN WEEKENDS...WORK! THERE, happy
now!
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT OF WHEN YOU WOKE UP THIS MORNING?:
..................{sam sam sam, you really aren't being a good sport about
this are you} WHAT! {you made my interview a living hell! you can sure
dish it out, but you can't take it} I teased you about some of your questions,
you're being downright mean! Okay...wait...12345...I'm going to answer
all of your questions calmly and serenely and not listen to the succubus
from hell over there. Okay, Henry is it,
the answer to your question is....what I have to do when I get to work.
{oooh, quite an original answer there sam}
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: NOPE!
ROLLER COASTERS, DEADLY OR EXCITING?: I DON'T HAVE THE TIME....12345....I
haven't had the time to go on one
in a while Henry. But if I did, I'd enjoy it tremendously thank you.
{she'd only go on one if jack held her hand on it}
PEN OR PENCIL?: Both. It depends on what I'm writing and for who it's going to. General Hammond demands the reports be done it pen. {she writes her love letters to jack in pencil so she can erase her numerous spelling mistakes. you know, for someone who is sooo smart, she can't spell worth crap} Henry, have you ever wondered what it would look like to see a midget doctor go flying across the room to land violently against the wall? What, not interested in seein that!
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: At work, as fast
as I can get to it. At home, I use the
machine. {she screens her calls so she doesn't have to talk to anyone
but a certain colonel...who shall go unnamed. oops, we did name him...JACK!}
FAVORITE FOODS: I...123. I like ice cream and cake the most. Anything sweet really. I also like--{speaking of sweet, she just looooves to spread frozen yogart on his chest and lick her way down} JANET! I GIVE, YOU WIN! I tortured you horribly and now you've gotten your revenge! Please, PLEASE stop this already! YOU WIN! {sam..........}
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: ......My Dad...I do now,
but when I was younger we had our problems. My
Mom.....can we just get to the next question please.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME?: Not that I'm aware
of. I was just kidding Henry. No, I've never
been convicted of a crime. {convicted being the operative word! ladies
like sam and I are too good to get caught, right sam...honey}
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?: Chocolate...definitely chocolate! I like vanilla too though. {you and me both sam}
CROUTONS OR BACON BITS?: Uh...I like both really. What about
you Janet? What did you say you liked? {I can't
remember what I said} Bacon bits! {oh, yeah, thanks sam} You're welcome
Janet.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?: Yes. I find it very relaxing. {it's not relaxing when you're the passenger and the driver is going 50 in just the parking lot. well...I almost got whiplash the last time I drove with you honey!} I know Janet...sorry about that sweetie. I think we're making Henry here nauseous with this Janet. We'll try to keep it under control Henry, promise.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?: Huh huh...well...I do have this stuffed kitty that Ja..Colonel O'Neill gave me that I keep on my bed. I guess you could call that sleeping with it.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY KIND OF PET, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: OOOHHH, I want my cat back! Why on earth did I give it to him in the first place! {I think so he wouldn't feel so bad not getting you instead sam! just my humble opinion} Huhhh, you're probably right!
IF YOU COULD BE ANY TYPE OF ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: I think
I said a dog the last time. I like what
Janet said though, a dolphin. I know, I said it was boring when you
picked it, but I was just being a b#tch. {sam, I'm so sor--} Janet, it's
alright, I deserved it! We're even now, okay? {...okay sweetie!} Thanks
honey! Okay Henry...sorry!
THUNDERSTORMS, COOL OR SCAREY?: Cool, very cool! I also like getting wet! Sorry Janet, I couldn't help myself!
IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: I'd
really have liked to have met Charlie,
Colonel O'Neill's son. He....I'd like to see my Mother again. Yeah,
my Mama...
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Oohh, lets see. I guess that would be White Zinfandel. {that's not what you drinkwhen WE go out. A Harvey Wallbanger, I think that's what it was} Janet! That was just ONCE, and that was out of curiousity really. You are sooo bad sometimes woman!
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?: Taurus, just like...it's Taurus!
EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: Yes. What? I REALLY do like it Janet! Some of us actually EAT healthy foods, not just talk about doing it. {so, you eat these healthy foods in between the ice cream and cake you're shoving in your mouth?} Oh, funny, is to laugh!
GUYS-WOULD YOU GIVE UP YOUR SHIRT FOR A GIRL?: You know, I didn't
like that question the first time I was
asked. Why does the girl not have a shirt on in the first place? Henry?
{sam, I don't think he actually made up the questions} Oh...next question.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I've GOT it! {sam, what about that time you told me you'd like to be jack's personal masseuse} Uh...Janet, remember I told you it was Cassie's dream she told me about! {oh, right, sorry about that. how could I not remember my young daughter telling you that she's having sensual dreams about a man old enough to be her grandfather. dumb me!} Huh huh...yeah. NEXT question Henry!
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: I think
I'd like to do something really out
there. Maybe color it red, white, and blue, you know, like our flag.
I'd like to show my patriotism--Whaaat! NEXT!
IF YOU COULD HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT AND WHERE WOULD IT BE?: Ooh, I like this question. I can't remember what I answered the last time. {I do!} Not now Janet. I think I'd like the symbol for the yin and yang, you know, the circle with the...oh, I didn't realize you knew...Anyways, I'd like that symbol on my right breast, just above my...you know. {no sam, tell us!} Shut up Janet. How many more questions to go? I really have a lot of work to do!
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: ....I thought I was once. {you are
NOW!} Henry, I REALLY need to get back to my
work!
DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING: A very small affair with my best friends and family. I saw this beautiful church once when I was at Lake Tahoe in California. I'd like to get married there, overlooking the Lake in the winter. {oh sam, that sounds sooo nice. could I be your maid of honor?} Of course! {oh sweetie!}
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Which one? I mean, the one
on the base, or in my apartment? The one
on the base has some pictures of constellations--{which colonel o'neill
gave her}--AND...some pictures of diagrams I've made up of my...just messing
around with doohickeys I've created.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: Half full. I guess I'm more of an optimist.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE?: Peach! {hey, that's just like me!} I know! {oh sam!}
ARE YOU A RIGHTY, LEFTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: Ambidextrous I guess.
What do you think Janet? {what
you said honey} You heard my friend! That's my answer Henry.
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: YES! {SAM, why did you yell that!} Sorry, I'm just proud that that was one thing I DIDN'T have to learn from practice. It just came naturally to me...sorry!
IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: Uh...this really is a stupid question, you know. I don't know, a...uh...I DON'T KNOW! Henry, I really need to--{put down hoe, like I picked!} YEAH...do that!
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: However many weeks I've been here straight is how many weeks worth of dustbunnies there are.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?: 23. {isn't that the colonel's birthd--} How many more questions are left?
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: My brother gave me his car. It was a 63 Chevy. It was sooo pretty, but it was a piece of sh-- {SAM!} Sorry! I found out why he just gave it to me! {men!} Yeah!
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?: Oh, a 65 Mustang, cherry red!
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?: Hockey! {that's YOUR favorite sport to watch sam} It is! {suuure it is}
SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: That she is my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without her. {yeah, who else would keep all of your secrets} And that she's really not going to reschedule my Pap smear for this weekend. Right...Janet?
OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO, WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND
TO IT: Ja...Colonel O'Neill. {oh, he'll respond to it if you sit there
and do each and every question with him. he'd agree to a lobotomy if you
told him to. he--} JANET!