| Suicide |
| This will eventually be a page with factual information, but until then it will tell a story. I tried to kill myself in August of 2003. I took a blood presure medication that lowered my blood pressure so much my heart stopped beating multiple times. I spent 5 days in ICU and another 4 in the regular ward of the hospital. I was so sick when I finally left the hospital that I had to return home to New Hampshire to live with my parents. I was able to return to school in January. Two months later I learned something that has changed my view on suicide forever. I used to date a man named Tom. He was wonderful, and infact knew all about my cutting and suicide attempts and still loved me anyway. We went to prom together and spent the majority of our days just being with eachother. On March 15th, 2003 Tom killed himself. He never told me why. He never said goodbye. I still cry about it because I of all people would have understood, but he didn't tell me. I have had to hold his mom as she cries. I have had to visit his grave and know that no matter what happens, I will never again be able to call him and tell him about what is going on in my life. I am mad at him. I have tried to not be mad.. and i guess I am getting over it. But i still don't understand. When I took the pills, I never thought about what it would do to everyone else. and I always said that suicide wasn't selfish if you were in that much pain. Since Tom has killed himself, I still don't think its a selfish act, but I think that it is wrong and mean of him to leave me here with all this pain. Think about that for a while... think about the people who love you that you will leave behind to hurt and feel like their world is ending now aswell... it really isn't worth all that! |