In the time I have had this website, the world has changed much. Our nation experienced an event on September 11, 2001 that will be a new reference point in this country. It is a turning point, one from which we can never go back to "the way things were." Many people are suffering from that day, and they are experiencing what I would call some of the "storms of life." I weep with you who grieve, and pray you find the only One Who can truly comfort those who mourn. He has been through everything we could imagine, and He went through it for our sakes. Jesus Christ is truly Lord of all and the God of all comfort.
The "storms of life" are especially fierce in this time it seems, not only for those directly touched by terrorists, but for many others of us as well. A friend was praying one day, and she saw huge tornadoes touching down on Christians' houses. These were huge whirlwinds that scoured down to the foundation. The impression she had was that these fierce winds were allowed by God, not to destroy us, but to remove the wood, hay and stubble from our lives. It is all-important that we learn how to yield to God's storms so they can do the work within us that God desires. If we don't learn to yield, we can be defeated by what is only intended for our good.
I personally have been experiencing these fierce winds for some time. They bring confusion, fear, sorrow and heartache at first. I find as I ask God's wisdom and receive His grace and strength, though, that I learn more of my Lord's ways and grow strong in His strength, not my own.
Since June 1999 I have seen all three of my sons move out on their own. Two got an apartment together and started college. One got married. I have been glad for their happiness, but have felt empty, and fought loneliness as I wondered about God's plan for my life. For a time, because of a set of God-ordained circumstances I lived and worked in a homeless shelter for women. The Lord taught me much there, then said it was time to move on. Before and after the shelter job I wandered a bit myself--for five months before, and two after I was housed through the kindness of friends. I was always asking the Lord's leading, yet it never seemed to come as quickly as I'd hoped. I was never without the Lord's provision due to the love and obedience of Christians around me, though I had little money and no insurance. In over a year of uncertain jobs and finances, I had no debt, even though I was in an auto accident and had 25 staples in my scalp in December 1999. I also had to have nine moles removed, one of which was basal cell cancer. Through all this I paid nothing. I even ended up with a new laptop computer! How did that happen?
The answer to that question is an illustration of how God can prepare you for these storms as you seek Him beforehand and while they are happening:
Before I started out on this journey, which was (and still is) a journey of the heart as much as any other kind, one day I was worried about finances. I knew change was coming, that I was going to be uprooted and was concerned about incurring debt. I didn't know how to avoid it, yet I wanted to obey God's word about the subject. Actually, there have been so many interpretations of the "owe no man anything..." verse that I wasn't sure what God even meant by debt. - Was it not ever borrowing, or never using credit cards, or just paying bills on time, or ...? So I took the direct route. I asked Him how I was going to be able to obey Him in that matter. He said in His still small voice in my heart that if I would trust Him, He would fulfill His word about debt in my life.
Friends, what a wonderful answer! It took the burden off me. All I had to do was be humble, trust, and obey! God did (and is still doing) the rest. In one sense, it was extremely easy. But just try being dependent on God's goodness through others! It puts a blow to pride. Just wait for God's answer instead of trying to make your own! Just obey when to leave where you work means to also leave your home when you don't know what's next and you have few resources of your own! Friends, trusting God in one sense is the easiest thing in the world. Yet in another it is the hardest.
Why is this so? Because our awesome, holy, wonderful God is not only interested in giving us answers, but in transforming us with His promises. That's what it means when it says in 2 Peter 1:4-5-- "Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. 5And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith..." KJV These promises are meant not only to give me things, but to cause me to partake of my Lord's nature more and more.
Could I have gone an easier route? Most definitely. But friends, I am committed by His grace to following my God wholly. This means doing things in obedience to Him that kill my pride, that cause brokenness in my heart. We as humans spend much of our lives avoiding brokenness. God says we must not do that. No, I don't seek trial. Yes, I squirm in "storms of life." But I want the riches God has for me in secret places; I want the "treasures of darkness" (Isaiah 45:3).
What does God do when we trust Him? He breaks or wounds us. Then He heals that which is wounded, while leaving the brokenness, for it isn't His desire that we remain hurt, only that we remain humble and teachable all the time. Brokenness helps us to have a tender heart towards our Lord, while His healing continues to further His purposes in our lives. What happened after I left the homeless shelter in obedience to God? (Since my skills haven't easily provided a good job I have had to constantly trust Him.) I rested for a week at a friend's home, then started asking God what was next. He said in my heart that He wanted me to head toward a job as a receptionist. Two days later, my brother-in-law and niece called. She was a receptionist at a hearing aid office which he manages, and wanted to find a job closer to home. They wanted to know if I wanted her job when she found one! Of course I didn't have to even pray about that one - I was able to say yes immediately because God had prepared me.
Once I started in mid-August 2000, for two weeks I tasted the life of a commuter in a decent-sized city. Then, on the first of September I moved into a lovely one bedroom apartment (with patio) right across the street from my job. My wages were generous enough to cover the apartment without a cosigner, and I am now saving for some other needs. I work 9-5 Monday-Friday, and my boss has been very patient as I've had much to learn. Also, my guys make it a point to come and "hang out" with their mom reasonably often, and I am continuing to see God work in my family.
December 26, 2004 update: My interesting life-with-God has gone on since I began this letter, so I need to add some more excitement to the list. In Sept. 2002 while I was in St. Louis, MO, there was a tornado that decimated part of my apartment complex. Though I was so thankful to learn no one had been hurt, for 36 hours I didn't know the state of my apartment. (This was good because I got to test my trust in God and at the end of that time I knew about myself what He already knew.) When I could get in I found everything as I left it--not even a broken window, though windows all around me were broken. It was once again an opportunity to see God work as I kept taking my attitudes to Him. I was privileged to trust the Lord's leading again, and He provided me with a new apartment still within my budget and walking distance of work (which also was not destroyed, though we lost 30-40 trees on three sides of our office building!). On the day of my move, including family and girlfriends as well as church family, we had 14 people help me move. A neat family at church rented a U-haul for me, and within four hours I was moved in, could cook a meal, take a shower, and go to bed. Pictures were hung and the love of my family, my church and my God was everywhere! Also, church took up a collection to cover moving incidentals--storage items, a new lamp, etc, and gave me transportation to purchase those things (my car died in June 2001, and though I am saving for another one, I don't have it yet). I found out later that Pastor didn't even know about the collection. I am privileged to be in a very loving, proactive church that understands the people (not the building) are the church. By the time all was said and done, I came out even financially--didn't even have to go into my slowly growing emergency fund.
Since then, I have experienced God's grace continuing in a multitude of ways. I have been at my job for four years, am still out of debt, experienced the Lord's help losing 50 lbs and establishing a regular eating and exercise program to keep it off (by God's grace I've kept it off for a year come mid-January), and been through Hurricane Frances while visiting friends in Orlando, Florida in Sept 2004 (no, I don't plan things this way--I wouldn't have deliberately gone down into an approaching hurricane!!). That's another long story--suffice it to say we were within two miles of flooding and power outages, yet we lost no power, and there was no flooding, even though it was discovered the morning of the hurricane that the court (circle) my friends lived on had no storm drain, though plans had called for one--the closest one was a block and a half away, and was still filled with debris from Hurricane Charley. Also the tornadoes heading for the airport and us in the aftermath never touched down though they could be seen in the air. Many lessons on trusting God, as well as the role in a neighborhood of a Christian family with prayerful male leadership were learned on that trip. Thus the adventure of life with God continues ... .
Is this all of the story? By no means. There is still much I haven't said. God never leaves us without things to trust Him for. He is so good. One of these days, Lord willing, I will tell you about the work God had to do to get me to the place where I could trust Him in a balanced fashion, but that's for another time.
God bless you all as you seek Him. He is faithful. I pray you continue to grow, learn, and find strength from Him before and during the "storms of life" God allows to come your way.
Love in Jesus, Barb