Join us now as we put aside the forum-related anger, the SEGA-related hatred and the Chunder-related lust and take some time out of our busy internet lives to honour those of us who put our bodies on the line, day in, day out, for the name of entertainment. Yes, it's time for a crappily-designed HTML document, a outlook into the Ozar-filled mind of our very own Chud. We join Chud for her interview, just as she is about to take the stage at an anti-mo rally...

1: How are you today Chud?
Not too shabby mate. Not too shabby at all. In fact, other than the fact my Mum hates me, it is a poifect day.

2: Poifect? Um, ok... And why the name Chud?

Wh-ell, I was browsing through the January 2002 copy of the ‘Dolly’ magazine, and there at the base of the page was a bulky Samoan boy with a Christian name that rather tickled my fancy. That name was “Chud”. Anyhoo, I decided, from then on, ‘Chud’ would be my alter-ego’s name, etc, etc. That is the narrative of my name.

3: And how do you view the current forum scene at spasm.tk?

Its bloody fantastic. Easy to read. Easy to reply to. Ummm… me minds gone blank here for a second…Easy to do stuff on…..Bargh!

4: And what of your secret (or not so secret) desire for Ozar?

SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! One look at him, his gorgeous hair and his tall-ness and his maybe-brainy-ness and I just fell for him. (Begins to cry with Love for Ozar)
I don’t know. He’s just so…. faultlessly perfect. Yeah, this is rather embarrassing. I like him profusedly anyhoo.

5: We heard that recently a large group of Mo's raided your pantry for your jellies and your tomato-based products. Can you please tell us what revenge you shall be having on them? Those Bastards * Narrows eyes to slits* Garion and I shall be getting the revenge. I thought he’d like to help me just for the sheer delight he’ll feel when we do awfully painful things to those damn loitering rectum-lickers (No offense to Flan, rectum-lickers can be pleasant people) As I was denouncing, them Mo’s will be slit through the gizzard, hung upside down by the largest toe on each foot and left to bleed to their foul (but delightfully amusing) deaths. I mean, have you any idea how hard it is to purchase Jellies and Tomato-based products these days. Cor Blimey. I’ve had some of them since the early 90’s. (Shakes Head)

6: How do you see yourself going in Spasm Big Brother, if at all?

The money (or whatever you win) doesn’t bother me at all. I am only there to get one thing. OZAR. Jah, um…I hope to last quite a while, as writing RP’s makes me laugh immensely. I enjoy it so.

7: How is your school treating you? My school. Bah. My school. We have 7 different bloody uniforms!!!! I dislike it intensely. But then again, I disliked CHB College intensely. My School treats me with great respect, they don’t dare defy me, they’re too busy lying on the ground laughing at my apparent funni-ness. Meanwhile, I deftly raid the kitchen for differentiated sharpened utensils, which may help me in my plight to escape from the evil God-ridden hell-hole and run away to live on the floor of Garion’s room.

8: Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?
I would love to be an actor. (Don’t we all) Professional acting looks like so much fun. I’ll just have to stick to school plays for now on.

I’d also like to have nearly finished my study of Pathology and Criminology at Auckland University. And be happily married to Ozar for 1.5 yrs running.

Keeping out of jail and not freeing Afghanistani’s from P.O.W camps are large items on the agenda also.

9: Alright, time for some word association:
Ozar: *begins to cry* Strikingly Gorgeous
Garion: (grins) Chunder
Mo's: Bah…Loitering
Spasm: ID Card
Jarod from Subway: Shipment of Supplies.
The state of Boarding Schools. (Shudder) CHURCH
Nathan:*cough* (Garion told you to do this didn’t he?)

10: Finally, you are trapped on a desert island and can take ONE person and ONE item. What would you take? Tom Hanks (He lasted for 4 years on Cast-away didn’t he?) Umm…actually…Ozar (sorry mate) and an exceptionally large tank’o’water.

Sounds like a hoot huh?

Sounds like a hoot indeed. As she takes the stage to protest stupidity, loud-noise-addled-youths and the fact that 50 Cent will NEVER be talented, we must leave her. Although a few questions remain... why the Spasm ID Card? The crappy HTML? All of these questions (and more) will be answered.

Not by me though. Go ask your mother.