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TITLE : Preparation (1/1)
AUTHOR : Pablo
EMAIL: little_claps@yahoo.com
DISTRIBUTION: Uh yeah � I guess if someone can find somewhere to put 
it just email me. 
SPOILERS: None as such, maybe the first few issues ??? 
CLASSIFICATION: Melaka Fray POV 
SUMMARY: Melaka muses on her new found identity. 
RATING: R 
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated, this is my first Fray fic so it might 
be nice to hear back to see if it makes any sense. 
DISCLAIMER: .I don't own these characters, they belong to Joss Whedon 
and some other very talented people that I have no hope of 
remembering yet. 
DEDICATION: Thanks to Yvette and Rabbit for their help. 

************************************* 

Knows when this all started. 

The dreams. 

Was all his fault, like everything else in her already fucked up 
life. As if living and surviving in the bowels of Versi wasn't fucked 
up enough. Now he had to turn up and say "oh by the way you're the 
chosen one". As if that meant shit to her. 

//You will cleanse us all ... you will cleanse us with fire!//

Four days since she'd walked in on him. Four nights. Sleep plagued 
with dreams. He called them memories and that was something she 
didn't want to think about. 

Mel had never been one to immerse herself in learning. Hell anything 
she decided she needed to know could be learnt right here. Learnt 
living. Took a lot to even survive in this world now and Mel was 
pretty pleased with her knowledge and how quickly she'd acquired it.

That's why none of it made sense, these are things she shouldn't 
know. Wished she could talk to Erin about it, she'd know. Things that 
every night Mel saw in her sleep were too real and too vivid to be 
make believe. Anyway if they really were her dreams there'd be a 
whole lot more in the way of action to keep her occupied. 

Wants to just go back to what it used to be like, before she knew. 
Can't help but blame him. Wants to be that little girl again, 
blanketed in innocence. Knows that no matter how hard she tries she 
can never go back, can never be her again. 

Smiles to herself as she finally gives in to the impulse. Had been 
down at the Tav, decided to see if she could just drink herself to 
sleep. Had even been well behaved, not one fight. Didn't wanna be 
thrown out yet again before the alcohol could take over, before it 
could deprive her mind of subconscious thought. Just let her drift 
asleep and wake in the morning. 

Wake without having any dreams. 

Eyes follow the line of buildings as she wanders home, like metal 
skeletons hugging the world in place. Traces of rust from over 
oxidisation scattered across the rough and cracked surfaces. 

Everything these days seems to be cracked and broken, like it's 
holding on with it's last breath. Lungs burnt and hollowed out by 
noxious fumes. 

She wonders if the people will fare any better from the abuse the 
world seems to be heaping on it's occupants. 

Knows that if this is what the air does to the surface of buildings 
it must be doing some pretty scary things to their insides. Tries not 
to think too hard about it. Knows there's no escape from this rusted 
metal and debris ridden prison. No bars as such but she knows there 
isn't any way out. No real chance to get out of a life like this. 

Shards of metal skinned darkness. Despair tinged miasma that always 
seems to surround everything. Whole existence coated in this hollow 
almost numbing feel. 

Attempt at numbing her mind doesn't seem to work, she stumbles home 
alright, pretty much the wrong side of sober but as soon as she 
undoes her boots, peels her pants off she seems to be back there 
again. Lying on her back on the hammock in her room. Coverall 
stretched tight up to her neck and her mind seems totally in control. 

Hadn't wanted to dream but as she feels sleep taking over she's 
pretty sure she has no say in the matter. 

Always the same, cognisance returning and she's staring at her 
reflection. //Yeah right Mel// 

Okay, well not her reflection, last night had been jet black hair, 
shock of red on her lips, more makeup than she would normally wear in 
a week all around her eyes. 

Night before had been filled with guttural noises, can still feel the 
grittiness of the paint that was smeared on her cheeks. Mixed in with 
some sort of animal fat, can still smell it so pungent. 

Had worn it while she hunted. No other way to describe it. Instincts 
taken over reduced to some primordial almost feral being. Can't 
remember much else. 

Tonight it's different again. Feels different. 

Mass of blonde curls, soft tendrils against her forehead. Skin tinged 
so golden that she can't even comprehend. Almost shiny. //Who is 
she?// Watches her reflection before her. Can see the colour at her 
lips, her eyes. Natural hue of skin at her cheek. Surface of her face 
tinged pink, underneath it a colour so natural. 

Looks out at someone else, hidden behind someone's eyes. 

Breathes in, senses bombarded. Can smell the soft fragrance on her 
skin, sweetness she can't comprehend. //Who is she?// Crisp tang of 
air, no acrid burning in her throat and lungs as she inhales. Is 
worried the clarity and purity may be too much for her. 

Feels herself stand, turn away. Almost like floating as she's 
dragged. Merely a passenger in someone else's body. //Who is she?// 
Reaches down for a jacket strewn on the soft plumpness of her bed. 
Oversized, Mel can't recall anything this plush. Soft colours, more 
than she's ever seen. Different shades at every angle. Colour from 
the window hangings complimenting the cover on the bed. 

So many colours in contrast to the monochromatic nothings that her 
life is surrounded by. No drab grey, no washed-out browns. Everything 
so bright and vibrant or soft and subtle. 

Drifts down the stairs, almost like floating. Unable to understand 
the words that leave her own mouth, //Who is she?// thrown over her 
shoulder to a figure Mel can only vaguely see from the corner of her 
eye. 

Watches the hand raised to the door, can see beyond through the 
opaque layers partially covering it, a fierce brightness. Wants to 
cover her eyes, to drag herself back inside away from it. Wants to 
scream that it'll be too much. How will she be able to stand the 
burning heat. 

But she can't move, no control and she's inexorably reaching forward. 
Finger against the cool surface of the door. Turning. 

Harsh light searing her eyes as she moves forward, is scared when it 
touches her she'll burn. Liquid fire lapping at her skin, knows what 
happens when you're exposed to the harsh radiation of the sun. Is 
scared that it will melt her flesh like liquid wax. Skin dripping in 
shreds off her body as it laps against her. Tries to scream but can't 
even utter a sound. Trapped like a puppet in someone else's 
control. //Who is she?// 

Can hear her own voice screaming as it finally touches her. Tries to 
close her eyes but they stay open. 

Warmth against her skin, not even closely resembling the feverish 
touch she imagined. Gentle almost sensual kiss as the warmth laps 
over her body. Surrounds her, cradles her oh so gently. Can feel it 
tingling over herself, spreading till every part of her can feel it. 
Sun so bright, so strong and she can't comprehend how it's not 
burning her. 

Hasn't noticed but she's already started walking. Tries to spin her 
head to catch a glimpse of the sights surrounding her. Wonders if 
this is what it's like for the Uppers. Can smell the rich warmth of 
the sun, unidentifiable smell that somehow Mel knows is nature. Moist 
warmth filling her nostrils like nothing else she's sensed before. 

Thing that strikes her most is the silence, no dull humming noise 
that always seems to be there. Unnoticed till it's gone, keening 
noise that feels like it's eating it's way through her skin like 
acid, now she's surrounded in silence. Just drifts along, lets 
herself be carried as she immerses herself in this life, it really is 
a dream. 

Thoughts back to the Uppers, her chance to see how the other side 
lives. Knows she must be dreaming of the past because no-way in hell 
do the uppers crawl around on the surface like this. No, all the 
refuse is left at the bottom. Where she's from, that's the lowest 
place to be. Can't comprehend how where she is now everything looks 
so perfect. Really is another world. 

So many low level dwellings, no high rises to blot out the light. 
Nothing to eclipse the beauty of the sky. Realises there was no 
reason to in this time. Knows that's why where she's from you can't 
see it. No-one wants to look at how disgusting it's become. Rotting 
pollution filled skyscape. 

She can't remember ever being this happy, this free. Drifts along and 
can't even comprehend how darkness can exist in this life. Nothing 
seems to compare to her drab existence. Life spent on the edge, 
merely trying to survive. 

This girl seems to have everything that she doesn't. //Who is she?// 

She's moving down the path when everything seems to change, feeling 
of loss taking over. Mel wants more than anything to be able to stay, 
doesn't want to go back. Wants to be this girl in this world. 

Doesn't want to go back to where she's from. 

Darkness again. 

Can feel herself being held down, fingers scraping painfully against 
her arms. Hands holding the rest of her body tight. Tries to struggle 
but can't move. Thrashes against whoever's holding her. Dim light but 
she can't see. Arches her body off the cold surface she's being held 
tight against. 

Twists her body, eyes adjusting to the darkness. Body clothed in a 
long flowing white dress. Once pristine can now see dark shapes 
staining the side. Copper tinged water staining it, brackish against 
the white lacy material. Sharp tang in her nostrils. Can feel the 
liquid seeping through the fabric against her skin. //Who is she?// 

Tries to struggle, grip tightens. Can see bony fingers holding her 
down, painfully hard against her arms. Flesh purpling and bruising. 
Dark flowers of purple bruising against her golden hued skin. Can 
smell blood, knows it's her own. 

Can see a shape looming above her. //Who is she?// 

Feels her head pulled back, arching against her. Fingers tight under 
her chin exposing her throat. A withered face fills her view, skin 
pallid. Sallow tinge, red stained lips against white wrinkled skin. 
Stretched taut against exposed bones, cadaverous. 

She tries to struggle as he reaches his hand out, fingers stroking 
against her face. Sees his mouth move as he speaks. Can't understand 
him, head filled with the staccato beat of her heart, pumping her 
blood around her body. 

Eyes drawn to the long cruel fangs in his mouth, now exposed. Lips 
pulled back in a snarl as he moves closer. Fetid breath against her 
throat, tries to struggle but there are too many hands holding her 
down. 

Sharp metallic feel of his fangs against her throat. 

//Who is she?// 

//You !!!// 

Darkness. 

Darkness, mind reeling, dragged back to her body. Body convulsing, 
hands twisting the covers in her grip. Gulps in air as her eyes flash 
open. Panting. 

Shivers in the coolness of her room. Thick layer of sweat coating her 
body as she huddles under the cover. Oppressive heat but she's still 
shivering. Hand up to her throat and she's sure she can still feel 
him there. 

Pressure as his fangs slid under her skin. 

Hand drifts down to her arm, tries to remove the sheen of sweat from 
her skin. Wants to feel clean again. To remove everything. Long 
fingers kneading the hard flesh of her arm. Knows she won't ever be 
able to remove the feel of it from her skin. 

Memories staining her body. 

Recalls when she was little, her grandmother chastising her when she 
would complain. //Remember Melaka ... every cloud has a silver 
lining// 

Knows now that the opposite of true, has seen it. Lives it. Breathes 
it. It's not that every cloud has a silver lining, wherever there is 
light, there is always darkness. 

Knows now how that is true. 

Swings her legs out of the hammock, fingers kneading tired and 
strained muscles in her shoulders. Decides to herself it's never too 
early to start the day. 



the end


EMAIL: little_claps@yahoo.com