TITLE: September 11

AUTHOR: dru <crazyevildru@yahoo.com>

RATING: PG

DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon owns the characters.

SUMMARY: Buffy reflects.

DEDICATION: To all those who lost their lives and all those who didn't.

FEEDBACK: Have a moment of silence instead.

NOTE: I was not sure whether this would be in bad taste, but writing helps me to sort out my own feelings because I just don't understand.

I don't understand. I just don't understand. Why? I risk my life everyday to protect this world. *Should* I have let it be sucked into Hell? Should I have taken my boyfriend and dove into the pits of Hell? Surely it would better there than this.

I pull Dawn a little closer to me and she clutches my arm. I kiss her forehead and stroke her silky hair. She's been crying ever since. She doesn't understand. I don't understand.

I try to make it better for her but I don't know how. I thought the world was okay as long I kept it out of Hell. But this is living Hell on Earth. And I can't stop it.

What I wouldn't give to be in a room with the bastards responsible. A room with Spike and Angelus, the Master and Darla. With all the sharp implements imaginable. They could give me lessons in torture that would make even those bastards cringe.

But it wouldn't stop it. Or take us back to Monday. I'd just dropped Dawnie off at school and gotten into the car when I turned the radio on and the second plane…

I turned right around and went back into the school. I grabbed Dawn and we left. She protested at first but when she saw my eyes… she came with me. This is not right. I don't understand.

Have I saved the world for this? Did I die and come back to a world full of hate? And for what? I can't save them! I can't stop them! I can't do anything and I don't understand.

Giles said that perhaps I didn't save the world for the bastards, but for the millions of people giving blood and going into the rubble. But I don't understand. I can't. This is beyond comprehension.

I just need…

The bus stops. "Dawnie." I say quietly. "We're here."

*****

We step out of the cab and I can hardly stand the time it takes to get to the door and open it. I throw it open and we stand there watching papers flying around the room. Books and chairs.

Until he looks up at me. "Buffy."

"Yeah, I know how you feel." I say and collapse into his arms crying just as he reaches me. We don't understand how we could be so powerless.

We just don't understand.

END