ch26

Their eyes still locked, their arms still entertwined, Rose and Brian drew even closer to one another. Slowly, Brian's head tilted downwards towards Rose's. Rose's face shifted towards his, and her eyes fluttered shut. Brian felt himself shaking. He was scared. When was the last time he'd been scared of a kiss? Hadn't he kissed dozens of girls before this one? But something in Rose was different. She made him tremble.

Their lips met, tentativly at first. Rose exhaled shakily into his mouth. He could feel her heart ramming into his chest as her soft mouth hesitantly melted into his. She was inexperianced, and that drew him to her even more. His hands floated up her body, one of them stopping behind her neck, the other one resting on her cheek.

Rose's hands shook as the lightly rested on his back, pulling him closer to her. And then, she pulled away, her eyes wide and scared, her mouth shocked into a tiny O. Brian reached out for her, and pulled her back towards him, but she pushed him away. "No." She whispered, her voice quivering. "No, we- we can't-" and she turned, and ran from the room.

Her lips and eyes, they draw me to her,
The way she walks, it pulls me in,
Her innocence, her unmarred skin,
And I mean nothing to her.

She kisses me, like a moth to flame,
But pulls away, and runs away,
She turns away her pretty face,
And will not touch my lips again.

And all she is, is all I need,
She's all I dream, she's all there is,
She's the only gift I'll ever give,
But why won't she let me receive?

Rose sat by the pool and watched the moon's reflection distort the still water. Her tears flowed freely, and she didn't wipe them away. It didn't matter, anyway, did it? She was crying again- so what? Hadn't she cried a billion times since she'd met Brian? Hadn't she been nothing but a sniveling little baby? And yet, he'd still kissed her. And she'd still felt something magic and longing behind his tongue.

She couldn't remember if she'd ever felt so warm and safe as when he was kissing her. But she'd pulled away. She only hoped he understood. She loved him, ofcourse she did. She loved him with every molecule of her being. If she hadn't, maybe she would have let him kiss her. But how could she let the only man she'd ever loved fall for her, and smash his heart into a million peices when she died a few months later? It wasn't fair. Not to either of them.

But still, the morality behind her decision did nothing to lessen the pain. After all these years of being the nobody who sat in the back of the room and payed attention to no one but her schoolbooks, then lying by herself in lonely hospital rooms, talking to the empty walls and the dripping IV bags, she'd finally known the power of love. And now, it was being taken away from her. Or more, she was being taken away from it. But either way, the unfairness of it all made her sick.

She burried her head in her hands, and cried some more.

Brian watched Rose from the window in his room. She looked so small and fragile out there, crying silent tears into the stagnant pool. He sighed, wanting to tear his gaze away, but knowing he couldn't. She drew him to her.

Had he messed everything up tonight? Was kissing her the completely wrong thing to do? She wouldn't leave him, now, would she? She couldn't! Even staying here, with someone she obviously couldn't love, would be better than the hospital, wouldn't it? A sudden surge of panic hit him, and Brian hurried from his room. He flew down the stairs and out to the pool. He had to make Rose see that she couldn't leave him. He had to let her know that he couldn't live with out her. He had to!

Rose turned when she heard Brian fling the back door open, and join her in the yard. "I'm sorry." She whispered, before he could say anything, but Brian shook his head rapidly.

"No, no, you're not. You're not sorry. You're not leaving!" He said, vehomently.

Rose's eyes changed, suddenly filled with perplexment. "What? You want me to leave?"

"What? No! You mean, you weren't going to?" She shook her head, and a smile crossed Brian's face. He hugged her close to him, pointedly not looking down into her face, or putting his mouth anywhere near hers. "Thank God." He whispered into her hair, and Rose knew how he felt.