CB: Well, well, well, Sam has interjected herself into this match by pissing off Tommy Grayson earlier tonight.

VR: Yeah, well, Grayson is just abusing his power, and Desire is going to put a stop to it.

CB: I bet. Scheduled earlier, Lance Studd of the PPD was supposed to take on Jonathan Conspiracy, but we've now changed things.

VR: Yeah, Tommy Grayson, that putz, has changed things.

CB: "Sensuous" Samantha Bevins and Lance Studd will now be taking on Jonathan Conspiracy and Ashlyn Summers. Let's go to the ring.

AM: Ladies and gentleman, this match is scheduled for one fall and is a special INTERGENDER MATCH!!! Introducing first, they're the reigning AWP CAN-AM TAG CHAMPIONS ... "AMERICAN BEAUTY" ASHLYN SUMMERS, AND JONATHAN CONSPIRACY!!!

[The lights in the arena go pitch black as Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" begins over the loudspeaker.]

VR: Ricky Martin?! Why does she come out to that fruit?!!

[The crowd go WILD as "American Beauty" Ashlyn Summers walks from the back, and steps into a spotlight. Red, white, and blue fireworks go off behind her as she grins from ear to ear. The sleek, curvy beauty wears a wears a white, sports bra, decorated with a sprinkling of red and blue stars. She also wears a pair of white, low-riding, hip huggers, blue stars going down one leg and red stars going down the other. She completes the look with white, kicking pads and white, Asics, tennis shoes. Her long, silky black hair travels down her back, framing her gorgeous face. She waits as the music quickly changes over.]

CB: There is one half of the AWP Can-Am Tag Champs, Ashlyn Summers. Ashlyn was told earlier she had to fight The Sensuous One in this intergender contest.

VR: Like she cares.

["I Thought This Was America People" is heard over the PA System in the distinct voice of Jay Z. "Conspiracy, Conspiracy, Conspiracy" is then heard in a whispering tone of a female. This begins "Guilty Until Proven Innocent" as Jonathan Conspiracy makes his way out from the back with a nice pop from the crowd. He is dressed in his wrestling attire. Jonathan smirks and takes a stance beside his lovely girlfriend, Ashlyn Summers.]

VR: That lucky bastard.

[The two pose, holding their titles high in the air as they continue down the aisle, much to the approval of the crowd. They climb into the ring as the music dies down and the lights come back on.]

AM: And their opponents ... "SENSUOUS" SAMANTHA BEVINS, and one half of the reigning AWP TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, LANCE STUDD!!!

[The lights dim, only to shine a white, circular spotlight on the top of the ramp. The spotlight moves around, from the left, to the right, and back again, shining its light on the thousands of the fans throughout the arena. After a slight pause ... the opening lyrics to White Zombie's "More Human Than Human" filter the arena.]

# YEAAAAAH! # # I am the astro-creep # # A demolition style hell American freak # # I am the crawling dead #

[As the music reaches its height, cat-calls and whistles are shouted, as "Sensuous" Samantha Bevins steps out on the top of the ramp and into the spotlight's beams. She's a glorious vision, all 5'9" of her. Sam is dressed seductively in her wrestling attire, something the AWP has never seen her in before. What is it, you ask? She is wearing a pair of shimmery black hot pants, a tight black PPD/Sam baby tee with all three of their pictures on it, lime green stiletto boots, and has her blonde hair down on her shoulders in a tumble of curls. She also has the AWP Fight Club Title over her right shoulder. She sneers at the fans, still pissed about having to compete in this match, but also showing she has things under control. As the song continues, Sam raises her arms in the air.]

# A phantom in a box shadow in your head # # Say acid suicide freedom of the blast # # Read the fucker lies #

[Lance Studd steps out from the back and into the spotlight, a grin on his face. His AWP tag gold is over his shoulder. Lance is dressed in typical lime green wrestling tights with "PPD" scripted across the back in black, black boots, and knee and arm pads. Lance stands beside Sam, the two exchange glances as the crowd continues the vulgar chants.]

# Scratch off the broken skin # # Tear into my heart # # Make me do it again, yeah #

[Lance and Sam finally make their way down the aisle, looks of hatred beaming on their faces toward Ashlyn and Jonathan, whom already stand in the ring. Sam walks up the ringsteps and waits for Lance who takes a run ago and hops onto the apron. The two of them pose a few seconds before entering the ring.]

# More human than human # # More human than human #

[Lance hands over his belt as Sam does the Fight Club one, the music fades, and the lights come back on inside the arena.]

VR: This match sucks balls.

CB: Why do you say that, Colin?

VR: Because The Sensuous One is going to get her ass handed to her! Look how pissed off Ashlyn is because she had to participate in this match!

[DING, DING, DING]

[As the bell sounds, Lance and Jonathan start out the match. They tie up in a collar and elbow tie-up. Lance kicks Jonathan in the midsection, tosses him into the ropes, and Jonathan comes back with a leap frog, rebounds from the other ropes and charges at Lance with a short clothesline.]

CB: MR. CONSPIRACY WITH A CLOTHESLINE!

VR: Clothesline?! That was a clothesline done by a twit! No way is he going to defeat one half of the AWP Tag Team Champs like that.

[The crowd pops as Jonathan hits his feet, grabs Lance, and executes a backbreaker. On the other side of the ring, Sam hides her face over her hands, and then SCREAMS at Lance!]

CB: This doesn't look good for Lance Studd!

[Conspiracy sends Lance to the outside of the ring where he flies over the top rope with a legdrop. The crowd run to the barricade to touch Conspiracy as he raises his arms in the air.]

VR: Oh, c'mon ref, do something already!

CB: What can he possibly do? Ref is starting the count.

[ONE... TWO... THREE... FOUR... FIVE...

Sam jumps to the outside to confront Conspiracy, but as she does, Ashlyn drops to the outside and runs after Sam. Lance begins to recover, and Sam runs around the ring and hides behind Vince Richardson.]

VR: Oh my! HEY SAM!

[Sam smiles and pats Vince on the back as Ashlyn climbs on top of the commentator's booth to try to get to her! CROWD POP!]

VR: HOLY [BLEEP!] YES! YES! TABLE DANCE, BABY!

CB: Oh my God, Ashlyn is trying to get to Sam!

[Sam runs the other way as Ashlyn scrambles off the booth. Vince grabs her ass, as Ashlyn turns around and SLAPS him across the face! Ouch!]

VR: HEY!

CB: You got what you deserve, buddy.

[Sam is now on her side of the apron and Lance Studd has obviously gotten the upperhand after DDTing Conspiracy on the outside after playing "dead." The referee climbs inside the ring as Lance Studd takes repeated punches at Conspiracy's face. Lance Studd executes a single arm DDT on Conspiracy before covering.]

CB: Lance with a cover!

ONEEEE!

TWOOO!

VR: THREE! NO! DAMN IT! Conspiracy kicks out.

CB: Lance Studd is still in control! He looks frustrated after that kickout by Jonathan. We still have yet to see Ashlyn get her hands on Sam.

VR: What did Sam do?

CB: Sam tried to pick up Conspiracy a few weeks back on RAGE, and she runs her mouth too much.

VR: She does not!

[Lance with a Northern Lights Suplex on Jonathan. He then kicks him in the midsection a few times, tosses him down on the canvas, and breaks out into a figure four leglock! The crowd boos.]

VR: Ah yes, that is how a _real_ champion operates.

[Ashlyn works with the crowd to begin a "CON-SPIR-ACY! CON-SPIR-ACY!" chant. Lance Studd tightens the move as Jonathan tries to make it to the ropes, but has no avail. Lance struggles, bringing him back to the middle of the canvas. The referee slides into place, but Jonathan doesn't submit.]

CB: Conspiracy is hanging in there, and Summers is cheering him on!

VR: Summers is hot. But she needs to stop that STUPID chant!

[Finally, Jonathan makes it to the ropes and Lance refuses to release the move. The referee gets in Lance's way and makes him break it, but still, Lance keeps the move on. Jonathan screams in pain, holding onto the ropes for his live, as Ashlyn Summers gets fed up and hops into the ring, going to help her man. The Sensuous One sees this and flies under the ropes as a CAT FIGHT pop breaks out!]

VR: YES! YES! FINALLY!

[Sam runs over and grabs Ashlyn by the head of the hair before she gets to Lance and Conspiracy. She flings Ashlyn down onto the canvas and gets on top of her, BANGING her head into the canvas. The crowd boos Sam, but most the men stand up to check out the brawl going on inside of the ring. Lance finally releases the move as Ashlyn takes over beating on Sam. She grabs Sam by the blonde locks and flings her to the outside.]

CB: I think I just saw a blonde fly by me.

VR: Yeah, the true SUICIDE BLONDE!

CB: Oh God, don't even go there, Vince. Ahem. Anyway!

[Lance grabs Jonanthan by the head to prevent him from going outside. Lance flings him into the ropes, and Jonathan comes back with a spinning heel kick that sends Lance to the canvas! On the outside, Sam is being trampled on by Ashlyn Summers who lifts Sam up into a suplex!]

VR: Someone help Sam!

[Jonathan Conspiracy falls down beside his opponent, and attempts a pinfall on Lance Studd, hooking his leg...

ONEEE!

TWOOOO!

THREE... NO! LANCE BARELY KICKS OUT!]

VR: Yes! Lance Studd kicks out, do not count this man out!

[Ashlyn Summers throws Sam up the ramp of the arena, making her fall flat on her face. Ashlyn begins screaming that Sam is going to pay for ever "hitting on her man." The frightened Sam crawls on her knees to try to get backstage, but Ashlyn grabs her by her feet, turns her around, and SLAMS her foot between Sam's LEGS!]

VR: HOLY CRAP. To be that foot . . .

CB: VINCE! Shut up! We have a match going on inside the ring, pay attention to it.

[Jonathan, all smiles, leans against the ropes to watch Ashlyn as she dismantles Sam little by little. However, this is quite a bad mistake, because Lance has gotten to his feet! A heel pop erupts from the crowd as soon as Lance stands up straight, staring down Conspiracy from behind. He grabs him into a German suplex, slamming him backwards! As soon as he executes the move, Lance rolls out of the ring to go help Sam.]

VR: Go help her, Lance, get that mean chick off of her!

CB: Mean chick, eh?

VR: Anyone who slaps me deserves to be called a "mean chick," Colin! OK?!!!

CB: [sighs] OK! Well, Lance Studd has gotten a chair from under the ring! Uh oh . . .

[Ashlyn is still having her fun with Sam. She has backed Sam all the way on the top of the ramp, and she is now threatening to throw Sam off the ramp! Sam has backed up as much as she possibly can, just awaiting her fate. That is, until Lance Studd makes the save, by running up the ramp with his own insurance policy.]

VR: Ashlyn is gonna need some plastic surgery after this one!

CB: Oh, c'mon, Lance, don't do it!

[Ashlyn turns around, just as she feels Lance Studd come up from behind her . . .

THWAAAAAAAAACK~!]

VR: GRAND SLAM, BABY! Lance is the next Sammy Sosa!

[Heel pop! Lance Studd throws the chair to the side and points to the ring. Sam stands on her feet, smirking, as Lance runs back to the ring, but Jonathan Conspiracy is coming to. Sam begins taking a few kicks at Ashlyn's limp body. She poses, for the fans, before following Lance back down the ramp. Just about as Lance is about to enter the ring, Jonathan Conspiracy slides into place ... with a baseball slide!]

CB: Jonathan takes Lance out! It's just he and Sam now! Sam is going to pay for this one.

[Sam, frightened, smiles at Conspiracy, obviously playing with his emotions and trying to talk him out of brutally attacking her. "Sensuous" Samantha grabs Jonathan by the shoulder, grinning, but Jonathan has a look of determination on his face.]

CB: Uh-oh, Sam is gonna get hers.

[Just about this time, someone comes flying through the crowd. The cameras pan to show none other than Jack Kincade, who has stumbled over the guardrail, limping to higher grounds! Behind him, is BIG GUY, who has been chasing him since earlier on RAGE! Sam panics and moves away from Jonathan as Kincade runs around the ring, trying to avoid BIG GUY. Jonathan is taken aback by this and BIG GUY runs right on front of The Sensuous One who grabs him by the arm.]

CB: Sam trying to persuade BIG GUY to help her, but BG is pointing to Kincade, who is now making his way through the other side of the crowd!

VR: HELP HER, YOU BIG IDIOT! HELP HER! You need her to help you make it in AWP!

CB: BIG GUY doesn't need anyone, Vince.

[As BG turns around to go for Kincade, Sam JERKS him back around to face her. This gets an "Ooooh!" from the crowd. Sam points to herself, stomps her foot, and starts yelling at BIG GUY. Meanwhile, Jonathan Conspiracy has helped Ashlyn up, who points to Lance Studd, now making it to his feet. Sam keeps yelling at BG.]

CB: What is Sam saying?! Something about how she "made" BIG GUY?

VR: Damn straight she did.

CB: Sam has just let Kincade get away! BIG GUY is not in a good mood.

[Sam suddenly rears back and SLAPS BIG GUY across the face. The monster stands there, full of hatred, and rage. He suddenly snaps, picks Sam up in a GORILLA PRESS, and LIFTS HER UP AND DOWN! THE CROWD GOES WILD!]

CB: HOLY CRAP! BIG GUY HAS SAM IN A GORILLA PRESS!

VR: NO! PUT HER DOWN, YOU BRUTE! YOU PUT HER DOWN!

[BIG GUY screams to the top of his lungs. Lance Studd sees this, jumps to his feet, but as soon as he does, BIG GUY throws Sam into the ring, who squeals. She hits the mat, and bows up in pain. Now, Jonathan and Ashlyn make their return as Jonathan comes flying by with the chair that Lance had earlier, he smacks Lance with it!]

VR: BIG GUY JUST TURNED ON SAM! THAT PIECE OF CRAP!

CB: I don't blame him one bit!

[The crowd goes crazy for BIG GUY who grunts and runs to the other side of the crowd, over the barricade, and in search for Jack Kincade. Sam lies there in pain as Ashlyn Summers slides into the ring. The referee, obviously forgetting who in the hell is the legal wrestlers, slides into the ring. Ashlyn smiles to herself, runs a hand through her hair, and begs Sam to get up. Sam begins to come to, but as she does, Ashlyn grabs her, lifts her up, and executes a POWERBOMB onto the canvas! _HUGE_ FACE POP!]

VR: THEY ARE NOT LEGAL!

CB: Stop whining like a brat, Vince! Jonathan is standing over Lance Studd like he's some trophy. Uh, here comes the other half of the AWP TAG TEAM CHAMPS!

[Max Studd makes his way from the back, coming to help his brother. Inside the ring, though, Ashlyn has Sam's leg up for the win!

ONEEEEE!

TWOOOO!

THREE! DING, DING, DING]

VR: BULLCRAP! NOOOO!

[The crowd goes wild as Ashlyn Summers rolls over and gets to her feet, dubious over her pinfall on "The Sensuous One" who just lies there, a hand over her head. Max Studd almost has Conspiracy, but Conspiracy hopped into the ring with Ashlyn.]

AM: Your winners ... JONATHAN CONSPIRACY and ASHLYN SUMMERS!

CB: And there are the winners!

[Conspiracy and Summers are given their tag belts. As soon as they are handed them, they roll out of the ring and go through the crowd, celebrating and slapping hands all the way. Max Studd helps up his brother and they slide into the ring to help Sam.]

VR: That match did suck balls, Colin.

CB: Thanks for your input, Vince. Watch your mouth.