1. Save
the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers
4. I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory
5. 42.7% of all statistics are made on the spot
6. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted
then used against you
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet
11. Remember half the people you know are below average
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is foolproof to a fool
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and
going the wrong way
28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism
32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques
33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake
35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view
36. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it
37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the
bread
38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach
it
39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research
40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles
41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life
42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive
43. Two wrongs are only the beginning
44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard
45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up
46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines
48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade
49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow
50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it
51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments
52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener
54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you
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