"I couldn't live without my phone, but you don't even have a home" Mel C
"Buy a house in Devon, drink cider from a lemon" Those lyrical geniuses Feeder
"I don't want to see a ghost, I'd rather have a piece of toast" Desree (or Distress which ever you prefer)
"I am the anti christ I am an anarchist" No offence to the Sex Pistols but this sucks
"In an Octopus's garden in the shade" Ringo Starr
"Heaven is the girl that makes dreams come true and no one does it good like a heaven do" Def Leppard : good song pity about this lyric
This list also includes any songs by Limp Bizkit (or Limp Wristed) and the Stereophonics.
These were drawn up on a rainy day during the summer, when we were hung over and bored out of our minds. You know how it is, a song comes on the radio you start singing along and someone changes the lyrics.
"Satin sheets are very romantic but a bugger to get the stains out of." Madonna.
"Like a virgin, buggered for the very first time" Madonna
"Make him express himself and then you'll know he's a kinky sod" Madonna
"Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide, sometimes I'm scared of you, when all I really want is to fuck your brains out" Britney Spears
"I just can't get you off of my dick girl your sucking is all I think about" Kylie
"Oh my love, I can't make head nor tail of fashion" Deeply Dippy by Right Said Fred
Here are my favourite put downs ever. Devised by myself and my friend Aid. Some of them might appear to be very nasty but please bare in mind they ARE supposed to be nasty. Enjoy
"Does a Zebra have spots?" To be used in answer to stupid questions
"So and so is a wankstain on the bedsheets of humanity" A Charlie Hopkins original
"Oh my GOD! You poor sod! Fancy being a 'Phonics fan!" An Aid original
"My my aren't you a chipolata?" MUST BE SAID WHILST LOOKING DOWN!
"You really ought to sue your plastic surgeon, he seems to have attached your arse to your face."
"You mean you were born with that face?"
"No wonder you're an arse. I mean look at you, I'd be an arse if I looked like that."
"My dear of course you aren't a dickhead.....you haven't got a dick"
"MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!"
"In that your arse looks like Jupiter and it's moons"
"The rings underneath your eyes are bigger than the ones around Saturn"
1) Nice shoes wanna F***
2) Is that a truncheon in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
3) Voulez Vous couchez avec moi ce soir?
4) Hello Big Boy!
5) I'll buy you a bag of chips (this one can only be used if you're a straight man on Welsh Girls)