Assume you are a girl if you are a boy
It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while, searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He ask's if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has more experience than you, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver, your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - after all he's done this before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easier entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way, pain surges through your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you his face full of concern and asks if it's too painful. Your eyes are full of tears, but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments you feel something bursting within you, and he pulls out of you, you lay panting, glad that it's all over. He looks down at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. NAUGHTY NAUGHTY! What ever were you thinking? PERVERT! I know what you were thinking. Thanks to my friend Gemma for that one!
A man is standing on a brige looking down into the water, about to throw himself off when an old woman approaches him. "Don't do it dearie! Whatever's happend it's not worth it." The man looks at the old crone and says "I stole £100,000 from work, they're doing an audit today and are going to find out, my wife's left me for my brother and the bank is going to take my home from me." The old crone looks at the young man "Well dearie I'm a witch and I can sort it all out for you. ALACAZAM! The £100,000 has gone back to your work ALACAZAM there's £100,000 in your account. ALACAZAM you're wife is at home waiting for you and ALACAZAM the bank isn't going to take your house away." The man smiles and says "Whatever can I do to repay you?" The old crone looks him up and down and says "Take me to a hotel and make love to me all afternoon" The man shudders, after all she's a bit on the ugly side, but agrees. He takes her to a hotel and make's love to her again and again all afternoon. At 6 o'clock he decides to leave and starts to get dressed. The old crone has a smoke and watches him. "So dearie," she says "how old are you?" The man replies "I'm 31" "31!" she cries, "aren't you a bit old to be believing in witches?"
A girl is standing on a bridge about to jump off when Santa Claus reaches out to grab her "DON'T DO IT!" he cries, "Let me do it I want to die" she says. "Come on a pretty girl like you? Tell me why." The young girl gets down from the bridge and explains the situation to Santa. "Well Santa today my boss fired me, someone stole my new car, I came home and found out my boyfriend has run off with my best friend AND they've stolen my piggy bank. It's too much I want to die." Santa replies, "Wait I can help you." "How?" "Listen I'm not dressed up I'm the real Santa Claus. Once I a year I can get down to earth and spread a little happiness. So go home your car will be in front of your door, your boyfriend will be crazy about you and your boss will take you back and give you more money." The young girl smiles "That's wonderful. Oh thankyou! How can I repay you?" Santa looks embarrassed "Well we don't have everything in paradise, I don't suppose you'd give me a blow job would you?" The girl looks shocked "Well.....I wasn't expecting that but since you've been so nice ok" So the girl gets down on her knees and gives Santa a gobble. When she's finished Santa zips up his trousers and says, "MMMMMMM Boy that was good. By the way how old are you?" "I'm 22" the girl replies. "You're 22 and you STILL believe in Santa Claus?" With that the man walks away whistling a happy tune. Thanks to Sara and Gemma for that one!