Favourite Text Messages

Right well this page was supposed to be for my favourite rude jokes. Things have changed though due to a number of emails from friends requesting my favourite rude text messages that I've been sent over the past year or so.WARNING: THIS PAGE CONTAINS RUDE LANGUAGE AND WORDS OF A SEXUAL NATURE. IF U ARE EASILY OFFENDED DO NOT READ! For those of you who are NOT offended,  here for your viewing pleasure is a list of my favourites.

Its a hard life being a penis u've got a head with no brain 1 eye+thats blind, your 2 neighbours r nuts + the other's an arsehole + your best mate is a cunt! I honestly hand on heart did NOT write that message! The queen goes on a visit to a hospital+sees this guy having a wank. She asks the doc whats going on + the doc replies it's treatment for a buildup of sperm. They go to the next ward + the queen sees a nurse given another patient a blow job. Shocked the queen says what the HELL is going on HERE! The doc replies : same treatment only he's with bupa! That my friends is a Charlie original! Big Bad wolf told little red riding hood "lift your top so i can suck your tits" "no" she said lifting her skirt "eat me like the fucking book says" An Eskimo's car breaks down & a welshman stops to help. He tells the Eskimo : The problem is you've blown a seal. The Eskimo replies : SO WHAT, you fuck sheep!" If u think life is hard imagine being a chicken egg, u only get laid once, smashed once and the only bird who sits on your face is your mother! I had a wet dream about you last night..........I dreamt you walked into a lampost and I pissed myself laughing

Well thanks very much for reading those! Hope you enjoyed the experience! Please keep checking for updates as you never know what I'm likely to put up next! Any suggestions are gladly recieved and the email link is below.

Written by Charlie Hopkins and the beings from the mothership

This page was last updated June 27th 2002

Home

Email me