Smoochie the Frog is a longtime member of our office family at my place of work. First introduced by the now departed Josh McCollister as an agent of vengeance, Smoochie was much feared in the beginning. Anytime anyone acted up, made a dumb mistake, or was simply in Josh's line of sight, they were likely to be pegged by the airbourne amphibian. Smoochie evidently liked hitting one of the supervisors named Jeff Bilyeu. We're not sure why, but Jeff still kinda ducks if someone shouts 'Fear the Frog!'
It wasn't long after Smoochie became a permanent resident that he took to a strict diet of Bourbon and Pop-Rocks, usually with a single-malt Scotch as desert. Josh tried to get Smoochie to straighten up, but the pressure was too much for the frog. As he began paying less and less attention to his duties of vengeance, he slept a lot more. This led people to do strange things to him. Often, he would be kidnapped and wake up in odd places. He has been found in the fire alarm, on the exit signs, taped to various objects, tied in a knot, and even suspended in front of the security camera via some rubber bands and paperclips. His kidnapping became a regular event and his substance abuse got worse. At this point, I took over as the guardian of the Frog. I attempted to correct the Frog's diet and supplement it with lots of Flintstones' vitamins. Unfortunately, the Frog became addicted to these as well and grew to roughly the size of a Yorkshire Terrier. It took some de-tox time, but eventually this was cleared up and Smoochie resumed his normal proportions. Shortly after this he was kidnapped for and extended period. During this time Josh was also kidnapped and never returned. Smoochie was later mailed back to me from someplace in the U.K. via a box with stickers on it indicating he'd been to England and France. Smoochie again wandered off into Eastern Europe later that year and returned having run out of Pop Rocks.
As of right now, this frog has been on 6 of the 7 continents. He's been to numerous states in the U.S. and has been in a dozen other countries in South America, Europe, Asia, Australia and Africa.
These days Smoochie mostly contents himself with his Bourbon, Pop Rocks, and Scotch. He has, however, picked up a new hobby, that being spying on my fellow employees and selling pictures of them on the Internet. Every now and then, though, he'll go flying through the air and smack someone on the head. If someone shouts 'FEAR THE FROG!' it's usually a good idea to duck.
Smoochie's Journal
Stories of a frog abroad!
