Both Sides Now
By Lara De Losh
Jensen Buchanan has a lot in common with her ANOTHER WORLD character, Victoria Hudson. They're both vivacious, determined, humorous, shoot-from-the-hip kind of gals. There is one major difference, however. "I am completely happy," Buchanan laughs, referring to the trouble and angst her character always seems to be going through. "I'm afraid to admit that for fear of jinxing myself, but I have no gossip, no dish, no scandal, no complaints. I am so happy that it is nauseating."
Part of that happiness is due to the changes her life has gone through recently. The most monumental one came last April, when Buchanan and her husband of more than three years, Gray O'Brien, welcomed son Conor to the family. "Having a child puts a lot of things into perspective," she sighs, glancing with a smile at the many pictures of her son adorning her dressing room wall. "You realize what's really important and what isn't. I never anticipated the richness that having a child added to our life, marriage, and our extended family. This is the first grandchild on both sides, so it's kind of a celebration. However, I think one of the biggest changes since the baby has come is the lack of spontanaeity in our life. The days of 'Hey, let's go to the movies or out to dinner,' are long gone," she laughs.
So are the days of being a stay-at-home mommy - a decision which Buchanan laughingly admits made her completely neurotic for several months before and after she returned to AW. Buchanan reveals that when she left the show last April, she had no intention of returning. "I had totally closed my mind to it." She and her husband had planned to move back to Chicago, because O'Brien was going back to school and he had applied to several physical therapy programs in the Midwest.
A change in plans kept Buchanan on the east coast, and the AW lines of communication reopened when Terri Guarnieri, then AW's executive producer, called and asked her if she would be interested in coming back. "That started the dialogue, and I realized after not working for four months, and with Gray in school, that financially it would be a much smarter decision for our whole family if I went back to work."
Still, Buchanan "felt guilty at the thought of not spending every minute of the day with Conor. But then someone told me that it isn't very important when you're with your child, but how you are when you are with them. To me, that was like a light bulb that went on." Lack of time with her son wasn't Buchanan's only concern. "I feared that at the end of the day, I was going to feel like I was spread too thin, and bad at everything - you know, bad mother, bad actress. But I've discovered that I can do both and feel OK about both."
One of the things helping to smooth that transition is Buchanan's stipulation that she would only play Vicky, and not her sedate twin, Marley. "Before I left, I wasn't really thrilled with playing Marley," she explains. "That disappointed me, too, because when I first came on the show, Marley was the character I was more comfortable with, partly because she was closer to Sarah Buchanan," the character she had played on ONE LIFE TO LIVE from 1988-'90.
"Plus, Vicky was the one who was so defined, and I felt I had more freedom to do things with Marley," Buchanan adds. "But there wasn't anything to do with Marley, and I don't feel like anyone had a big commitment toward making her a multifaceted person. I really couldn't stand playing her after a while, and I felt like, given the other demands in my life, that I could really do the best job just playing one character, and there was no question that I wanted that to be Vicky."
Another reason she wanted Vicky was because "there was no resolution when I left. There was so much unfinished business," the actress explains. "Also, I had worked so hard to get Vicky into this position, I just couldn't bear the thought of someone else getting to play out all of this potentially fabulous stuff...someone else getting the payoff."
That payoff has been big. Vicky has been in the hot seat since she returned to Bay City. She recently was accused of shooting ex-husband Grant (but was found innocent). And prior to that, to avoid losing custody of son Kirk to Grant, Vicky substituted another baby for Kirk. When that plan blew up in her face, the parents of the baby Vicky passed off as Kirk came to reclaim their son. "OK, so she is a bit mistake-prone," Buchanan laughs. "But her heart is always in the right place. This has been the best-written stuff for Vicky since I have played the part, and it is helping to bring out a lot of wonderful colors in the character.
It's been 'Vicky heaven' since I have come back," Buchanan continues. "Part of that is because there is an enormous commitment to this character on everyone's part, especially the writers. Her working with Jake brought back a lot of that element of Vicky that was missing for a while. Even though people missed Vicky and Ryan together, it's been great fun to have a chance to work with other people on the show. I think that's helped me connect with this character in a different way."
It's taken 3 and a half years, but Buchanan has made the character her own. "The one thing that made me realize this, was that no matter what Vicky said, and how absurd it sounded, it sounded fine to Jensen. And I couldn't believe that everyone else didn't see it just the same way," she laughs. "That is when I knew Vicky and I really were starting to speak the same language, and that was a great feeling. It takes a lot of confidence to play this character, because as strong, mischievous, and fun as Vicky is, she is also very needy and desperate to be loved. That is a hard thing to show, because it is a hard way to feel. The more secure I have gotten with the ANOTHER WORLD family, and the stronger I feel in my life, the more I am able to reveal those parts of Vicky. That has been an interesting area to explore.
"It was tough when I first took over this role (from Anne Heche) because I came under such fire," she continues. "The one thing that has been the most satisfying for me in terms of work is finally getting praise and recognition. I cannot tell you how good that makes me feel. I don't want to be the pretty one; I don't want to be the thinnest one; I don't want to be the richest one. I want to be respected for what I do. I finally feel like that is starting to happen, and that's a great sense of peace."
A lot of that peace, security, and respectibility, Buchanan claims, is thanks to age. As she gets older, she says, it is easier to get those things because it's not important to be liked by everyone. "I just want to know that I am true to myself, am loyal to my friends, and that I stand up for what I believe in."
Standing up for yourself, though, can be a double-edged sword. "Sometimes the way I say things may come off as sounding too direct, and can be misunderstood," she shrugs. "But I think that if people know that you stand up for what you believe in and you shoot from the hip, then they feel safe with you. I am rarely going to say one thing and mean another, so everybody knows where I am coming from."
And Buchanan knows where she is going. "This is my home, now. I made the decision to come back to the show, and this is my career," she states, adding in a mocking tone, "This is no stepping-stone. I am not running off to do movies or pilots, and I no longer have that sense of 'I am on my way somewhere else.' I have arrived. I am happy. It's disgusting how many times I have said that word during this interview, isn't it?" she laughs. "I'll shut up now."