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| "Where is San Bernardino?" is probably the first thing your asking right now. Well to answer your question it is in the center of hell, also known as Southern California.Well you might wonder what Christmas is like here; This is the place to get your answers. It's known as the Inland Empire, and it stinks. |
| Right after Thanksgiving the houses in San Bernardino start getting lit up by lights that are mismatched and broken. I guess that's what gives us our "unique" and "special" glow here in San Bernardino. |
| Instead of "carrollers Carrolling" We get "Ganstas Rapping" or raping in some cases.... |
| No one ever actually spots the REAL Santa Clause down here. That can be for numerous reasons. One obvious reason is because the smog is SO thick, he might have got lost and crashed in it. I'm sorry, but I dont care how bright Rudolph's nose is, there is no way in hell it will shine through this thick smog. There are many reasons why, here are just the TOP 10 Reasons.... |
| Why Santa Clause Doesn't Visit San Bernardino..... |
| 1. Santa doesn't visit Hell 2. He can't see through all the smog 3. The homeless will eat his reindeer 4. He'll get "sled jacked" 5. He can't land on top of card-board-box homes. 6. Santa is not allowed to hand out real automatic weapons that every child wants here in San Bernardino 7. There are no good children here anyway 8. S.B.P.D will mistake him with the other fat phsychos that dress in red and claim to be santa and arrest him. 9. Most people can't afford Christmas Trees 10. He just doesn't want to, would You want to get shot? |
| Days AFTER Christmas |
| The wrapping paper is all over the streets of San Bernardino, what happens now? Well most of the people here in San Bernardino are LAZY, so not much changes. If the trees didn't catch on fire in your house, then they're either overly stuffed in the dumpsters, or they're left in the streets. Now for the decorations, the lights don't come off of the houses here until late February, sometimes even March! Or if they're REAL ghetto, they'll just leave 'em up till next year. I tell you, that's lazy ass San Bernardino. |
| Instead of Santa flying by in his sled throwing out presents, we have gangsters driving by in chevy's shooting at our houses. |
| Christmas List For The Average Child In San Bernardino. |
| Do you live in San Bernardino, odds are no, but if by any chance you do, i'd like to say "sorry". But i'd also llike to help. I did an Unofficial survey of what the average child wants in san benardino, and here are my results. |
| 75%- To live somewhere else 10%- A Semi-automatic weapon 5%- New parents 5%- Big titties/Penis in their face (Shocking I know...) 10% 1oz. of Weed |
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| "Ghetto Bells" Written By Eric Gordon |
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| Dashing through da smog, In a beat up El Camino, White people we'll rob, And pick up all da hos HO HO HO Best get out of our way, If you want yo Xmas to last, We'll follow you to yo crib, And pop a cap up in yo ass, OHHHHHHH Ghetto Bells Ghetto Bells Ghetto all the way (homie!) Oh what fun it is to cruise In a beat up black Chevy (El Camino!) Hey! (repeat) |
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