As a member of the British high society, I was somewhat obliged to reserve a place aboard the good ship Titanic on it's maiden voyage. Everybody was talking about it and failing to be there would make one feel such a heel for sure. When I first saw the ship I realised how aptly named it was. It was an incredible sight to behold. An enormous affair all made of metal, how it stayed afloat was far beyond me. I'm sure even God was somewhat miffed to see it bobbing about on the ocean
The thrilling party when we boarded the good ship was the most spectacular gathering I have ever attended and I recall thinking to myself, "Well, if I die today then I am sure that I have lived to see it all.". How ironic in retrospect.
The voyage was splendid and when we hit an iceberg it was very exciting. How a lump of old ice could breach the steel hull of the ship I will never know. Sure enough it did. There were a few of us on deck at the time and we were all awaiting the ice to be dashed to pieces on our bows. In fact a little sailor chappie was promising to put a boat out to get some of the ice for us. We were going to make wishes on it while it melted, for luck you see.
So here was this dreadful hole the size of a barn door in the side of the ship. That little sailor chappie was the first one in the lifeboat. Being on deck at the time, I wasn't far behind him. So the lifeboat is all full up and ready to go down when up rushes this teary eyed young lady. She was a terribly attractive young thing and it was dreadful to see her in such a neurotic state.
Well by this time there were people rushing back and forth and screaming and this young lady demands to be let into the boat. The little sailor boy wouldn't let her because there was only to be 18 in the boat. I was always raised to be a gentleman, so as calmly as ever I alight from the craft and offer her my place. She pecks me on the cheek and jumps aboard. No sooner do I bow 'my pleasure', than the lifeboat is descending to the waves and rowing off in the direction of somewhere else.
So here I am now, awaiting the good Lord's finest. In my head I am feeling something of a dullard, yet in my heart is the most exquisitely, bubbly feeling.
THE END.