A guide to
understanding
SA ex-pats!
My South African eyes and ears in Australia spotted this humourous description of 
SA English as spoken by ex-pats the world over! 
So, you better read this, hey!


Braai: What is a braai?  It is the first thing you will be invited to when you visit a South African ex-pat.  A braai is a backyard barbecue and it will take place whatever the weather.  So you will have to go even if it's raining like mad and hang of a cold. At a braai you will be introduced to a substance known as mealiepap.  Read further for an explanation of  "pap". Now that you know what a braai is, here are some other words and phrases you will encounter when talking to a South African ex-pat. It is also a useful guide if you happen to be visiting South Africa. It is used by folk of all persuasions, genders and ethnic adherences. You do need to know what they mean. Really!
Ag.  This is one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like
the "ach" in the German "achtung", it can be used to start a reply when you
are asked a tricky question, as in:  "Ag, I don't know". Or a sense of resignation:  "Ag, I'll have some more pap then".  It can stand alone too as a signal of irritation or of pleasure.
Biltong.  Similar to jerky, it is dried, salted meat and can be made from
beef, ostrich, antelope or anything that was once alive and fairly large. It is usual for expatriate South Africans to say: "What I really miss is my biltong, man".
Bioscope.  Pronounced "byscope", its use is going out of fashion and in
some urban areas, regrettably, it is being replaced by "movies" and"flicks".
Sometimes it is reduced to "bio" or "scopes".  But you may still be asked if
you would like to go to the byscope.
Blooming.  Pronounced "blimming", it is roughly equivalent to "helluva",
as in:  "Ag, that pap I had at the braai made me blooming sick". For emphasis,
"blooming" can be replaced by "bladdy" which, in turn, is a corruption of
the Australian "bloody".
Cafe.  This is the generic term for convenience stores and is pronounced
"caff" or "cayf".  Traditionally operated by people of Portuguese, Greek
or Asian ancestry, it is a good place to buy smokes, biltong or the Alka
Seltzer you will need after trying pap at the braai.
Dirtbin.  Self-explanatory, this is a garbage can.  It is also called a rubbish bin".  If you refer to rubbish as "garbage" you will be considered blooming pretentious.
Doll.  A term of affection between males and females, it is used mostly
in the Johannesburg area.  A corrupted form of "darling",  it will be heard
thus:  "Your turn to take out the dirtbin, Doll".  "But I took it out the last time, Doll".  "Well take the bladdy thing out again, Doll".
Donner.  A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans "donder" (thunder).
Pronounced "dorner", it means "beat up".  "Your rugby team can get
donnered in a game, or your boss can donner you if you do a lousy job."
Eina.  Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the
Afrikaans, means "ouch".  Pronounced "aynah", you can shout it out in
sympathy when someone burns his finger on a hot potato at a braai.
Fixed up.  This means "good".  An example is this exchange:  "You don't
have to take the dirtbin out, Doll;  I took it already". "Fixed up, Doll".
Hang of.  This is the same as the American "heck of", as in:  "I have a hang of a headache" or "I had a hang of a good time at the braai".
Hap.  Pronounced "hup", this means "bite" and is used in the following
fashion:  "Give me a hap of your apple.  Ag, please".
Isit?  This is a great word in conversations.  Derived from the two words
"is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing to contribute if someone
tells you at the braai:  "The Russians will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private ownership". It is appropriate to respond by saying: "Isit?"
Jawelnofine.  This is another conversation fall-back word. Derived from the four words "yes", "well", "no" and "fine", it means roughly "how about that".  If your bank manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can say with confidence:  "jawelnofine".
Jislaaik.  Pronounced "Yis-like", it is an expression of astonishment. For
instance, if someone tells you there are a billion people in China, a suitable comment is:  "Jislaaik, that's a hang of a lot of people, hey".
Just now.  Universally used, it means "eventually" and sometimes "never".
If someone says he will do something "just now" it could be in 10 minutes or
tomorrow.  Or maybe he won't do it at all.
Lekker.  An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language
groups to express approval.  If you see somene of the opposite sex who
is good-looking, you can exclaim:  "Lekkerrr!" while drawing out the last
syllable.  But that use is now thought politically incorrect in some areas.
Sarmie.  Sandwich.
Marmite.  Contrary to American disinformation, Marmite is not discarded
axle grease.  Bought in small glass jars at supermarkets and cafes, Marmite
is a salty vegetable extract and is the S.A's answer to peanut butter (American), or Vegimite (Australian).  Generations have grown up with it on their school sarmies and, in turn, have inflicted it on their own children.  This
process has been going on for so long now, Marmite has become unstoppable.
No.  This word has many meanings in South Africa other than the opposite
of "yes".  Your host at the braai is likely to say:  "No, I see your plate is
mpty.  You want some more pap?".  Another example; if the clerk in a
shoe shop asks if she can help, you may reply: "No, I'm looking for some
tackies".   This means:  "Yes, I'm looking for some tackies".
Oke.  A "guy" or "chap" or "bloke".  If you quite like someone you can say:  "Ag, he is an OK oke".  Instead of "oke" you can also say "ou" which is pronounced "Oh".
Pap.  Encountered at braais, pap is boiled corn meal.  Pronounced "pup"
it has the appearance, consistency and, many say, the taste of moist Plaster of
Paris.  Lots of South Africans pretend to like it. Eating pap is character
building in the sense that one learns to grin and  bear adversity, rather like Americans in the South have grown spiritually by consuming grits. In
religious context, this process is called self-flagellation.
Shame.  Like "No", this word can mean the opposite of its meaning in other
parts of the world.  If someone shows you a baby, you can say: "Ag, shame".
This does not mean the baby is ugly, it means the baby is cute.  If the baby
is ugly, it is more accurate to say: "Shame, hey". If the baby is truly hideous, it is appropriate to say: "Jislaaik".  This may not be appreciated by the baby's parents.
Tackies.  These are sneakers or running shoes.  The word is also used to
describe automobile or truck tyres.  "Fat tackies" are big tyres, as in: "Where did you get those lekker fat tackies on your Volksie (VW), hey?"
Vaalie.  These are the horde of creatures that descend on Cape Town once
a year at Christmas time.  They traditionally drive Big Expensive Cars and
are inevitably towing Venter Trailers which they store the kids in. In the new
South Africa, they are also known as "Gauties", this word is derived from
"Gauteng", which is where we wish they would all go back to.  Anyway, be
nice to Animals, hug a Vaalie.
Soppiekoppies.  Literal "Watch out for that si-    splatt!!!!" Coined by the Vaalies who descend on Durbs in the festive season, carrying their progeny on their shoulders.  Typically uttered everytime they come to a low hanging shop sign.
Cape Doctor.  Older residents of Cape Town give this name to the
south-easter which blows in summer months, usually forming a flat, rolling
cloud over Table Mountain - the "table cloth" - and sometimes shutting
down harbour operations.  It was called the Cape Doctor because oldtimers said it blew all of the city's bad air out to sea along with accumulated street
garbage, discarded newspapers and suchlike.
Dummy.  If you find yourself in the company of a couple with a baby and the woman says, "pass me the dummy," she is not necessarily asking that you bring her husband to her.  She is referring to the rubber, nipple-like thing they stick in babies' mouths to shut them up.  A dummy is a pacifier.
Gogga.  This is an insect, a bug, and all three of the g's are pronounced as though you are about to spit.  South Africa is rich in goggas, some of them cute - like the harmless mantis and the intriguing stick insect - but others are disgraceful.  The cockroach is the most disgraceful, especially when they fly.  Natal has some monsters which could challenge Florida roaches any day.  In its early days, the country's state-run TV service earned the enmity of viewers by scheduling a documentary on cockroaches at a time when millions of South Africans were sitting down in front of their sets with their Sunday evening meals on their laps.  A highlight was how to dissect a cockroach. It did not go down well with the Sunday lunch leftovers. A dissected cockroach is even more disgraceful than a whole one.
Guava.  Everybody knows that a guava is a fruit - and a bladdy lekker one too.  It is especially nice stewed and served cold with smooth custard, as lots of boarding school students will affirm.  Guava juice is refreshing at breakfast.  But in South Africa a guava is also a backside, a butt, a bum.  If someone is behaving in an annoying manner, you can threaten to "skop (kick) him up his guava".  But it is inappropriate and politically incorrect to issue this warning to someone who is not a good friend.  It will be taken amiss.  Also, it is not polite to laugh if the Cape Doctor bowls a stranger over on to his or her guava.
Lappie.  A lappie (pronounced "luppy") is a cloth, a rag, used to wipe up a
mess.  You will find it in a machine shop to clean up oil spills, in a bar to wipe away spilled beer, or in the nursery where a baby who is munching a rusk (a hard biscuit found in every household) needs  its face and hands hosed down and lappied every three minutes. All babies look like Winston Churchill and all smell of rusks.
Make A Plan.  You will hear this good old South African phrase quite a
lot. It means things might be screwed right now but we'll think of something
just now.  If you miss the bus to the airport, the hotel receptionist may say,
"Don't worry man - we'll make a plan".  If that plan includes the hiring of
a taxi, you may want to think twice about it.
Skinder, Skinner, Skinnerbek.  Gossip is one of life's little pleasures, and that is what "skinder" is - gossip.  The word is usually pronounced without a hard "d" and most people will simply call it "skinner". A "skinnerbek" is someone who does it a lot, commonly without paying too much attention to the facts.  Such a person can be very popular at office tea breaks, at parties and other social gatherings - unless the skinner is about you, in which case the skinnerbek is a louse who deserves a skop up the guava.
Skop, Skiet en Donder.  Literally "kick, shoot and thunder" in Afrikaans, this phrase is used by many English speakers to describe action movies or any activity which is lively and somewhat primitive. Clint Eastwood is always good for a skop, skiet en donder flick.
Snoep. This is a favourite word, and it is used by all language groups throughout the land.  Pronounced "snoop" with a short "o" sound as in
"book", it means stingy, mean, selfish.  Be discreet about using it. For example, it may not be a good idea to say to your bank manager:"Unless I am granted this loan I shall have to conclude that this bank is snoep". That won't help your cause.  Sometimes people use this word when they fuss over their friends' infant children: "Don't be so snoep with a kiss - gimme a big one".
Stroppy.  This word means pugnacious, difficult, aggressive, and it can be
used appropriately at any level of conversation.  For instance, a child
who refuses to eat his stewed guavas can be described as stroppy. Or you may overhear the following comment during a discussion on international
affairs: "This Saddam Hussein - he's a real stroppy ou. But he better watch out
because these Yanks are not snoep with their missiles and he could fall on his guava.  Big time".
Vrot.  A wonderful word which means "rotten" or "putrid" in  Afrikaans,
it is used by all language groups to describe anything they really don't like.
Most commonly it describes fruit or vegetables whose shelf lives have long
expired, but a pair of takkies (sneakers) worn a few times too often can
be termed vrot by unfortunate folk in the same room as the wearer.  Also a
rugby player who misses important tackles can be said to have played a
vrot game - but not to his face because he won't appreciate it. 
 
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Updated:  THURSDAY, 15 APRIL, 1999.
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