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June 30th, 2001
(The morning after.)
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It's such a simple thing.
Select, delete...and it's gone; I'm behind Andrew's curtain once more.
Think too much, write too much, expose too much.
Delete.
.
It's been years since I wrote those words.
I'd forgotten why I had hidden so much in the first place.
Forgotten how much pain simple words could cause.
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Why did I leave as much as I did?
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History, I suppose.
Feeling that way then doesn't change what I feel now...for you.
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This is my web page.
.
Granted, it's only a skeleton of what it once was,
but it is full of memories that are both good and bad.
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All part and parcel of who I have become.
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People are forever trying to pigeonhole me on the basis of where
I come from and where I am. People are usually wrong.
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I was born in San Francisco, California, U.S.A...where I lived through
several lifetimes, and more deaths. At the age of twenty-two I headed
south seeking warmer weather and a life without history.
.
San Diego provided everything I so desperately needed for five years.
Along the way, I found a partner with whom the laughter was maximum
and the angst was minimal, so I married him.
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And now, well over a decade later, where am I?
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We have lived in central Japan for more than eight years.
I have left, and returned, several times.
It has become my home.
Nothing lasts forever.
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I spoke of epiphany without clarifying that it was only the most negative aspects
of my personality which I had come to terms with.
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That I had given up on any possibility of "getting it right."
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This web page gave me an outlet for all the things I had no other way to express.
Those things I felt I had no right to hope for and no way to forget.
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Now I find my life has changed. It feels like a second chance...well, it did until this morning.
I sit here in rainy Gifu and wonder: why do I still have this site?
The last time I updated this .html, I had just turned thirty.
I waxed poetic about marrying so young and my biological clock.
(Or lack thereof.)
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I was just *so* smart, wasn't I?
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Thought I had it all figured out.
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And now I find I know nothing.
siempre,
Shy
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