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Last updated on December 7 1998

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"In youth it was a way I had
to do my best to please
And change with every passing lad
to suit his theories

But now I know the things I know
and do the things I do
And if you do not like me so
to Hell, my love, with you"

Dorothy Parker

"Falling, drowning, deeper and forever
Choking, sinking, deeper into this ocean
Screaming, crying for someone to save me
Reaching, hoping, calling to no-one


Take me away
To a better place
Far from anyone
By myself and leave a gun
Beat it out, out of me, cut me up and watch me bleed
Strike me down, cast me out
Throw me into my Saviour's mouth"

My Dying Bride ;)


Sometimes everything feels so heavy.... Like a big rock on my chest.... Life feels more of a punishment than the gift it is said to be.... I feel so tired.... The eternal rest seems so tempting.... Always longing, yet knowing I cannot give up.... Always telling others the words I need to hear myself.... Always hearing the words I should not listen to.... Always believing in others.... Never believing in me.... Always missing what I know will never be.... Always alone, even in a crowd.... Always lonely.... The silent watcher.... The silent scream, a scream that will never be heard, because no one has the time to listen.... Always dreaming.... Always hurting.... Always hurt.... Always scared.... Always running.... Always thinking too much.... Always thinking too little.... Always alone.... Always lonely.... A living dead.... A dead living.... A wolf.... A woman.... A child.... Me.