Here's a selection of the most amusing tales that our bartender has picked up!

• A duck walks into a bar. "Got any corn?" he asks the bartender. "No. Now get out of here." So the duck leaves.

  He comes back the next day. "Got any corn?" "No. I told you yesterday; now get out of here." So the duck leaves again.

  He comes back in the following day. "Got any corn?" "Look: I told you yesterday and the day before. We don't have any corn. If you come back here again, I'm going to nail your bill to the bar! Now get OUT!" So the duck leaves.

  He comes back in the next day and walks up to the bartender. "Got any nails?" "No" "Good. Got any corn?"

• A guy walks into a bar, bellies up to the bar next to this huge BIC lighter. This lighter must be 12 inches tall! He asks the bartender, "Where did you get such a large BIC lighter?"

  The bartender replies, "A genie gave it to me."

  "Sure, a genie gave it to you," the patron sarcastically retorts.

  "No, really. See here's the magic lamp where the genie is trapped."

  The patron asks if he could see the lamp. The bartender hands it over. The patron promptly rubs the lamp and POOF out pops a genie.

  The genie booms, "He who wakes me will receive a wish."

  The man thinks a while and says, "I want a million bucks!"

  The genie nods his head, and tells the patron go home and his wish will be fulfilled. So, the man hauls butt towards home. As he round the corner he notices that his yard appears to be white. As he gets closer he realizes that the 'white' is what appears to be a million DUCKS.

  Now he's pissed. He runs back to the bar, confronts the bartender and screams, "I wanted a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS!"

  The bartender casually replies, "Did you think I asked for a 12 inch BIC?"