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The More of these You Remember,
the Better Off You Will Be.
- Never buy a *new* brand of beer because *it was on sale.*
- If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.
- Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.
- Whenever possible, please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Only wearing your new lingerie once does not send the message that you need more. It tells us lingerie is a bad investment.
- Please don't drive when you're not driving.
- Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your little stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.
- If you want us to take out the garbage, you have to let us pack the car.
- The quarterback who just got pummelled isn't trying to be brave, he's just not crying. Big difference.
- When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' will do.
- What do you mean, *leering?* She's obstructing my view.
- When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying 'This is our exit' is not strictly necessary.
- When you're not around, I belch so loudly that I even appall myself.
- The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it.
- SportsCenter starts at 11:00 P.M. and runs one hour. This is an excellent time for you to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer, etc
- Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the underwear?
- If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work?
- Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner.
- You probably don't want to know what we're thinking about.
- Silence does not need to be filled.
- It's in neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
- No, you can't have the remote control.
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Windy