Rudi Van Dantzig


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For a Lost Soldier
Rudi Van Dantzig
Gay Mens Press: 1996
My Synopsis
Jeroen is 12 and a long way from home.  Because of the Nazi occupation of Amsterdam, Jeroen’s mother has sent him to a remote area of the country to await liberation.  Alone, frightened, and feeling less than welcome by his hosts, Jeroen explores the countryside, and after a while begins to make friends.  Jan, his hosts’ older son, stirs emotions in Jeroen that he is unable to explain.  He enjoys watching the older boy swim and play, but becomes frightened when Jan wants to show him how he has matured lately. 

Just as Jeroen is starting to fit-in, a most remarkable event occurs.  Allied forces roll into town and the Germans are on the run.  Everyone, including Jeroen, is fascinated by the soldiers and crowd around to get a better look.  One of the soldiers, however, has his eye on Jeroen.  Walt attempts to develop a friendship with young Jeroen, but the boy is very frightened.  Through a series of encounters, the two become tentative friends.   Each time they meet, Walt takes their relationship a little further, until finally on one such meeting, he has sex with Jeroen. Jeroen, a little squeamish to begin with, is terrified.  

Eventually, the relationship becomes a full-fledged affair, with Walt and Jeroen meeting frequently for sex.  Each of the encounters, though, is physically and emotionally painful for Jeroen.  Walt is abusive in his treatment of the young boy.  Nevertheless, Jeroen becomes infatuated with the soldier and is shocked one morning to find that the army has pulled-out of the little town and disappeared. Emotionally devastated, Jeroen can not understand why Walt left without saying anything.  His only proof of the relationship is emotional and physical scares, and a small photograph of the young soldier.

Upon returning to Amsterdam, Jeroen searches in vain for Walt, but with no success.  Once there, he begins the process of healing but he never forgets Walt.  A

This is a autobiography of Rudi Van Dantzig’s early life.  Rudi was a dancer in Europe and became quite popular.  He looks back at this part of his life partly with a longing and partly with relief. 
 
 
 

My Notes
Clearly this book is not for everyone.  Young Jeroen is such a moving character that reading the story, and understanding his emotional state at the time, becomes draining.  Of course, Jeroen was sexually molested, but he looks back at the events, not with hatred or spite, but with tenderness.  I found it easy to understand his motivations, emotions, and actions during those years, but I find it difficult to understand his treatment of these events now, as an adult.

If you have seen the film, you will be shocked at the character of Walt in the book.  In the film, the relationship is touching and moving despite the eight or nine years age difference.  There is a loving relationship nevertheless.  In the book, Walt is clearly a predator and Jeroen is his victim.  I highly recommend reading this book, but I warn you it will get to you and you will want to reach through the pages and strangle Walt.
 
 
 

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