"I looked at her, and I went into her mind; it seemed I had loosened the
gold clasp beneath her breasts and parted her voluminous dark
green velvet skirts. I stared at the well between her
half-exposed breasts. Blood or no blood, I could remember hot
passion for her, and I felt it now in a strange overall manner,
not localized in the forgotten organ as it had been before. I
wanted to take her breasts in my hands and suckle them slowly,
arousing her, making her moist and fragrant for me and making her
head fall back. Yes, I blushed. A dim sweet swoon came over me.
"I want you, I want you now, you and Marius both in my
bed, together, a man and a boy, a god and a cherub. This is
what her mind was saying to me, and she was remembering me. I saw
myself as if in a smoky mirror, a boy naked except for a
full-sleeved open shirt, seated on the pillows beside her,
displaying the half-erect organ, ever ready to be completely
aroused by her tender lips or her long graceful white hands.
"I banished all this. I focused my gaze only on her
beautiful tapering eyes. She studied me, not suspicously but in
fascination. Her lips were not rouged in any vulgar manner but
deeply pink by nature, and her long lashes, darkened and curled
only with a clear pomade, looked like the points of stars around
her radiant eyes.
"I want you, I want you now. These were her
thoughts. They struck my ears. I bowed my head and put my hands
up.
"Angel darling," she said. "Both of you!" she
whispered to Marius. She took my hands. "Come in with
me."
"I was certain he would put a stop to it. He had cautioned
me to avoid close scrutiny. But he only rose from his chair and
moved towards her bedchamber, pushing back the two painted doors.
"From the distant parlors came the steady sound of
conversation and laughter. Singing had been added. Someone played
the Virginal. All this went on.
"We slipped into her bed. I was shaking all over. I saw that
my Master had adorned himself in a thick tunic and beautiful dark
blue doublets which I'd hardly noticed before. He wore soft sleek
dark blue gloves over his hands, gloves which perfectly cleaved
to his fingers, and his legs were covered by thick soft cashmere
stockings all the way to his beautiful pointed shoes. He has
covered all the hardness, I thought.
"Having settled against the headboard of the bed, he had no
compunction about helping Bianca to sit directly next to him. I
looked across from him as I took my place beside her. As she
turned to me, putting her hands on my face and kissing me eagerly
again, I saw him perform a small act which I hadn't seen before.
"Lifting her hair, he appeared to kiss her on the back of
the neck. This she neither felt nor acknowledged. When he drew
back, however, his lips were bloody. And lifting the finger of
his gloved hand, he smoothed this blood, her blood, but a few
droplets of it from a shallow scratch undoubtedly, all over his
face. It appeared to me as a living sheen, and to her it would
look very different.
"It quickened the pores in his skin, which had become all
but invisible, and it deepened a few lines around his eyes and
his mouth which otherwise were lost. It gave him a more human
look, overall, and served as a barrier to her gaze, which was now
so close.
"I have my two, as I always dreamed," she said softly.
"Marius came round in front of her, tucking his arm behind
her and began to kiss her as greedily as I had ever done. I was
astonished for a moment, and jealous, but then her free hand
found me and pulled me down close to her, and she turned from
Marius, dazed with desire, and kissed me as well.
"Marius reached over and brought me close to her, so that I
was against her soft curves, feeling all the warmth rising from
her voluptuous thighs.
"He lay on top of her, but lightly, not letting his weight
hurt her, and with his right hand he drew up her skirt and moved
his fingers between her legs.
"It was so bold. I lay against her shoulder, looking at the
swell of her breasts, and beyond that the tiny, down-covered
mound of her sex which he clasped in his entire hand.
"She was past all decorum. He laid kisses on her neck and on
her breasts as he embraced her lower down with his fingers, and
she began to writhe with undisguised longing, her mouth open, her
eyelids fluttering, her body suddenly moist all over and fragrant
with this new heat.
"That was the miracle, I realized, that a human could be
brought to this higher temperature, and thereby give forth all of
her sweet scents and even a strong invisible shimmer of emotions;
it was rather like stoking a fire until it became a blaze.
"The blood of my victims teemed in my face as I kissed her.
It seemed to become living blood again, heated by my passion, and
yet my passion had no demonic focus. I pressed my open mouth to
the skin of her throat, covering the place where the artery
showed like a blue river moving down from her head. But I didn't
want to hurt her. I felt no need to hurt her. Indeed, I felt only
pleasure as I embraced her, as I slipped my arm between her and
Marius, so that I could cradle her tightly as he continued to toy
with her, his fingers lifting and falling on the tender little
mound of her sex.
"You tease me, Marius," she whispered, her head
tossing. The pillow was damp beneath her and drenched with the
perfume of her hair. I kissed her lips. They locked to my mouth.
To keep her tongue from discovering my vampiric teeth, I drove my
tongue into her. Her nether mouth couldn't have been sweeter,
tighter, more moist.
"Ah, then this, my sweet," said Marius tenderly, his
fingers sliding inside her.
"She lifted her hips, as though the fingers were lifting her
as she would have them do.
"Oh, Heaven help me," she whispered, and then came the
fullness of her passion, her face darkening with blood, and the
rosy fire spreading down her breasts. I pushed back the cloth and
saw the redness consume her bosom, her nipples standing rigid in
tiny raisinlike points.
"I closed my eyes and lay beside her. I let myself feel the
passion rock her, and then the heat was lessened in her, and she
seemed to become sleepy. She turned her head away. Her face was
still. Her eyelids were beautifully molded over her closed eyes.
She sighed and her pretty lips parted in a natural way.
"Marius brushed her hair back from her face, smoothing the
tiny unruly ringlets that were caught in the moisture, and then
he kissed her forehead.
"Sleep now, knowing you're safe," he said to her.
"I'll take care of you forever. You saved Amadeo," he
whispered. "You kept him alive until I could come."
"Dreamily she turned to look up at him, her eyes glossy and
slow.
"Am I not beautiful enough for you to love me for that
alone?" she asked.
"I realized suddenly that what she said was bitter, and that
she was bestowing a confidence on him. I could feel her thoughts!
"I love you whether or not you dress in gold or wear pearls,
whether or not you speak wittily and quickly, whether or not you
make a well-lighted and elegant place in which I can rest, I love
you for the heart here inside you, which came to Amadeo when you
knew there was danger that those who knew or loved the Englishman
might hurt you, I love you for courage and for what you know of
being alone."
"Her eyes widened for a moment. "For what I know of
being alone? Oh, I know very well what it means to be utterly
alone."
"Yes, brave one, and now you know I love you," he
whispered. "You always knew that Amadeo loved you."
"Yes, I do love you," I whispered, lying next to her
holding her.
"Well, now you know I love you as well."
"She studied him as best as she could in her languor.
"There are so many questions on the tip of my tongue,"
she said.
"They don't matter," Marius said. He kissed her and I
think he let his teeth touch her tongue. "I take all your
questions and I cast them away. Sleep now, virginal heart,"
he said. "Love whom you will, quite safe in the love we feel
for you."
"It was the signal to withdraw.
"As I stood at the foot of the bed, he placed the
embroidered covers over her, careful to fold the fine Flemish
linen sheet over the edge of the rougher white wool blanket, and
then he kissed her again, but she was like a little girl, soft
and safe, and fast asleep.
"Outside, as we stood on the edge of the canal, he lifted
his gloved hand to his nostrils, and he savored the fragrance of
her on it."
Copyright © 1998 by Anne O'Brien Rice.
