The Desire For Happiness And The Desire For Unhappiness

By The Pathwork Guide

Greetings. God bless all of you, blessed be this lecture. With great happiness I resume my contact with you and I will continue with the teachings and the lectures that had to be interrupted for a time. This interruption could have been a fruitful one, if you so desire.

The wish for happiness exists in every living being. However, the concept of happiness varies according to the development of each individual. Due to a distorted concept of happiness, then another desire comes into existence in the human soul, which is often overlooked. And that, strange as it may seem, is a desire for unhappiness. I shall now discuss the connections and the chain reactions set in motion by the wrong concept of happiness.

The desire for happiness is a primary emotion, whether the concept is right or wrong, true or distorted; while the desire for unhappiness is not a primary but a secondary emotion, caused by the wrong concept of happpiness.

This desire for happiness is already in existence when the human entity is born. It exists in the small infant. The infant's idea of happiness is fulfillment of all its desires, instantly and in exactly the way it wants. Regardless of how adult a person may be, a remnant of this remains with him for the rest of his life.

All the wrong concepts are distortions and misunderstandings of the right concept. The wrong concept of happiness is expressed in the following way:"I can have happiness only if I can have what I want the way I want it. I will be unhappy in any other way than this." Included in this is the demand for absolute approval, for admiration, and for love by everybody. The moment anyone seems to fail in meeting these requirements, then the world of the person in question crumbles. Happiness becomes an impossibility, and not just for the time being, but foreverafter. This, of course, is never the intellectual conviction of an adult human being, but emotionally it holds true. For everything seems hopeless, and the mood is one of despair to varying degrees.

The undeveloped being feels in terms of black or white. In other words, it knows no in-between. Either there is happiness or there is unhappiness. If things happen in accordance with his wishes, then the world is bright. But if the tiniest little thing goes against its will, then the world looks black.

When the infant is hungry but for a few minutes, then these minutes are an eternity. Not only because of the lack of the concept of time, but also because the infant does not know that the period of hunger will be over in a very short time. So the baby is in absolute despair, as you can observe in a crying child. The issue over which the baby cries seems in no way related to the anger, to the fury, and to the unhappiness. With an adult human being, this part of the personality -- which was freely expressed in infancy -- remains hidden in the psyche and continues to register similar reactions. Only the reasons change. The outer display becomes either modified or even completely covered by rational and reasonable behavior. But this in no way proves that the inner reaction has truly been overcome or that it has come to terms with itself in a process of inner maturity and growth.

The infant realizes very early that happiness in the way desired is impossible. The child feels dependent on a cruel world which denies him what he thinks he needs and which he feels he could have if only the world were less cruel.

If you think it through logically, then you will find that this primitive and distorted concept of happiness actually amounts to a desire for omnipotent rulership, for unquestioned obedience by the surrounding world, and for a special place, elevated way above all other beings -- since others are supposed to fulfill what the person desires. When this wish cannot be gratified -- and it never can be -- then the frustration becomes absolute.

It is impossible for any human being to remember these early emotions, for you have no memory of your first few years. That these reactions continue to exist, without exception, in all human beings is a fact. You can find these emotions by various means in the work you are doing on this path. You can find them by observing certain of your past and of your present reactions, by analyzing them from this point of view. First, discover where this infant still exists in you, with the same desires, the same feelings, and the same reactions. In other words, focus your attention on this particular aspect of your personality. Then you will have reached a point where you can start to outgrow the unrealistic, and therefore unrealizable, concept of happiness and start to build the proper, mature, realistic, and therefore realizable, concept which will be infinitely more gratifying. Until you have experienced the infant in you, then you cannot understand certain conflicts in you which are the chain reaction effects of this fundamental distorted concept.

The more the child grows and learns to live in this world, the more he realizes that the omnipotent rulership he wishes is not only denied but is also frowned upon. So, he learns to hide this desire until the hiding has progressed so far that he himself is no longer aware of it. Two basic reactions follow. One is this: "If I become perfect, as the world around me asks me to be, then perhaps I will have enough approval to enable me to attain my goal." Then striving for such perfection sets in. My friends, although we are all in agreement that all beings should strive for perfection, this kind of striving is wrong. It is wrong because of the motive. Here the person does not strive for perfection in order to love better and to give more. He does not strive for the sake of perfection itself, but he seeks a selfish end. In addition, it is wrong because he wants to reach the goal of perfection right away -- since happiness through omnipotent rulership is desired at once. To reach immediate perfection is utterly imposible. It forfeits the necessary acceptance of one's own inadequacies, an acceptance which enables the personality to learn the healthy kind of humility -- the humility of accepting his being neither more nor better than the rest of mankind.

Thus, the frustration becomes a double one. The first desire -- the desire for omnipotent rulership in order to be happy -- is not realized. And neither is the second desire, that of attaining perfection in order to obtain the first desire. This, in turn, causes an acute feeling of inadequacy, of inferiority, of regret, and of guilt. For the child does not know that no one is capable of attaining such perfection. It thinks itself unique in this respect, and therefore it feels that he has to hide this shameful fact. Even when the person is adult and consciously knows better, this reaction continues to live locked in the soul because it has never been aired out. The unconscious personality argues in this way: "If I could be perfect, then I would have what I want. Since I am not perfect, then I am worth nothing." The second conscience, as I once termed it, goes on whipping the person, trying to hold up to him this unrealizable goal, so that each failure causes additional despair and additional guilt, thereby increasing his feeling of inferiority and his feeing of inadequacy.

At the same time, there is another reaction. The personality cannot and does not want to assume the entire blame; therefore, it blames its surroundings. Thereby a particular vicious circle comes into existence. Inwardly, it argues as follows: "If they allowed me to be happy the way I want to be, by loving me and by approving of me completely -- in other words, by doing whatever I wish -- then I could be perfect. With that, the obstacle that now stands in the way of the world giving me what I want would be removed. Therefore, it is their fault. My failures are due only to the denial that they constantly inflict upon me." Therefore, the vicious circle works like this in one direction: "I need to be perfect in order to be loved and to be happy." In the other direction: "If I could have the place of rulership which I need in order to be happy, then it would not be difficult for me to be perfect." Both are made impossible by the world. For this, the person blames the world on the one hand and the self on the other. Moreover, he resents the fact that he is not loved as he is. It seems to him that he ought to be loved unconditionally. This aspect reveals that you feel that the unconditional surrender you demand would put you into the position of rulership you think you need in order to be happy.

The wrong concept of happiness causes the wrong concept of love as well. Let me recapitulate briefly the wrong concept of happiness: "I can only be happy if things go my way." The mature concept of happiness, in its highest unfoldment, is this: "I am independent of outer circumstances, regardless of what they are. I can be happy under any circumstances, because even the disadvantageous or unpleasant events will have a purpose, bringing me that much nearer to complete freedom and to infinite happiness." Thus, even the difficult times will have the power to make you happy. I grant you that as long as you are incarnated on earth this can be experienced only to a small degree, but nevertheless with very mature and developed beings it happens at least to some extent. Unhappiness does not throw them but it holds a seed of growth. At least in their case such difficult times are not useless and felt as hopeless emotionally. Instead, they are fought through with courage until the sun can shine brightly again. With the mature concept of happiness, and therefore of life itself, it is no cause for utter despair that one cannot always be happy. One accepts the fact that life holds both happiness and unhappiness. So when unhappiness comes along, then the world of the mature person does not seem to end, as it does with the emotionally immature in this respect. Pain is not something to be shunned at such high costs that the pain resulting from this avoidance becomes worse than the pain which the person tried to avoid in the first place. Nor does the mature person seek and invite pain and unhappiness just to avoid the helpless feeling of being laid open to it against his will. But the immature person often does. And this leads us to the desire for unhappiness. We will come to this in a moment.

First let us consider the concept of love. The wrong concept, inherent in the wrong concept of happiness, is as follows: "If I am loved, then I am paid homage. I possess a subject" -- just as a ruler possesses his subjects. If you honestly observe your own reactions now, then you will find similar feelings existing in you, although you may never have had the courage to acknowledge them. The right concept of love is not only and always and necessarily "I love regardless of whether or not you love me." Of course, this is the ideal on its highest level. But very few human beings are that far. If you are not that far, then there is no sense in trying to force yourself into something that your feelings as yet cannot follow. Trying it by force may have a very bad effect in various ways. The compulsion, the inability to follow it through in reality, would increase your feelings of failure and guilt. This, in turn, would lead to a tendency toward self-destruction. Moreover, the desire for this ideal, unselfish love can easily be distorted by the unhealthy desire to suffer, which we will discuss in a moment. So if you are not loved and you find it impossible to love in return, then simply recognize it without guilt. If you have departed from your infant-desire for rulership, then you will be able to take it with equanimity and without resentment towards the person who does not seem to love you. On the plane in which most of you are, love is a give and take, it is a two-way street. But, contrary to the childish concept, love in its right concept does not demand a subject which blindly gratifies one's own will, but it needs and desires an object.

Before I go on with this lecture, let me add the following remark. I am sure that none of you who read these words will have any quarrel with them, but all will agree. You will be able to think of the many instances when you sincerely felt according to the right concept -- or thought you felt that way. Yet I ask you to try to find in you the instances when you are incapable of feeling according to the right concept of love and of happiness. There is no exception. These instances can be found in all of you if you really try. Try to recognize when you wanted a subject and not an object. Find out by what emotions, desires, and reactions you can discover this to be true. To make this recognition you only need the proper interpretation of your reactions and feelings in certain incidents, on certain occasions.

Now we come to the desire for unhappiness, how it arises out of this complex and utterly universal basic phenomenon in the human soul. As I said, the human personality finds it more and more impossible to find happiness according to this wrong concept, the only one he knows. Instead of finding the right way by changing the wrong concept into the right one, the personality struggles against the tide, trying to force life into this wrong concept. When this proves impossible, then another way out is sought which seems to be a solution, but which proves to be even more damaging in the long run. Unconsciously the person argues this way: "Since happiness is denied me and since unhappiness inevitable, and since it is inflicted on me against my will, then I may just as well make the best of it and turn a liability into an asset by trying to enjoy my unhappiness." Superficially, this may appear to be a smart solution, but of course it never is. Although certain aspects of unhappiness can be enjoyed in an unhealthy way, there are bound to be other aspects that are extremely painful and that cannot be enjoyed at all. But of this the personality is ignorant to begin with. He did not bargain for it, When it happens, then he fails to see its connection with the process described here. Since the entire process is unconscious, the unenjoyable aspects of unhappiness are never connected with the fact that it was self-provoked. There are certain aspects of suffering that are enjoyed by humanity, although this will never be consciously acknowledged, unless one is on a path of self-finding such as you are on. It takes time, effort, and extremely good intent to bring this to the surface.

Strangely enough, in a very distorted way, this desire for unhappiness seems to approach a state of being beyond the experience of most human beings, belonging to a much higher state of development. Some of you have heard of the concept that pleasure and pain are one above a certain level. This vague knowledge still exists in the superconscious memory, but it is distorted by wrong motivations, by misunderstood basic principles, and by unrealistic approaches to life. Thus, it is lived out in an extremely unhealthy and damaging way.

The psyche argues as follows: "Since I cannot avoid unhappiness, then I may just as well enjoy it. Furthermore, I want to alleviate the humiliation that the unhappiness is inflicted upon me against my will, as a helpless prey. In reality, I call forth the unhappiness myself. Consequently, I am not quite so helpless."

None of these thoughts are ever conscious. They are entirely unconscious arguments. You can only trace these emotions and reactions by certain methods in the work. By learning to analyze your findings from a new angle. Then you will find patterns of how you go on and on in subtle, hidden ways provoking people and bringing about certain situations, so that you can collect unhappy incidents, injustices, injuries, wrongs, and hurts. Once you can find out how you have provoked all this in subtle ways, then you will also be able to find what you enjoy about it in a certain way -- no matter how much you loathe some aspects of it in your conscious mind. All this seldom happens in a very obvious way, although sometimes it is quite noticeable to others, but not to you. Most of the time, it happens so subtly that it completely escapes your attention, unless you truly wish to notice it.

This way out also uses the following inner argument: "There is only black or white. And since white is denied me, then let me enjoy the all-black." Because the desire for unhappiness is unconscious, the injuries collected in the process of provoking this unhappiness make you feel even more inadequate, the world even more cruel and unfair.

I should like to emphasize that the enjoyment that you derive from the unhappiness you provoke is never felt to be truly and wholly enjoyable. If it were, then the solution would be a true and realistic one. But since it is neither, then you suffer while, at the same time, you enjoy certain aspects of the unhappiness that you produced. For instance, you might enjoy the provocation itself in such a subtle way that this, too, escapes your attention. Or you might enjoy the self-pity that ensues.

Let us suppose that you are in a situation in which you are to meet a new friend. How often do you approach such a meeting with defiance, with a negative attitude, with doubt, and with any number of other destructive feelings? Superficially one may say that this simply displays pessimism. But by going to the core of your feeings, then you will find a hidden corner where you do not want to experience a happy occurrence. And you sabotage it by all these negative attitudes. If you truly wanted a happy outcome, then you would display an inner readiness which would be bound to bring success. In the measure the inner readiness is lacking, in that same measure you overcompensate with a superficial outer readiness -- which, however, can never make up for the truth within yourself. In some instances, even that superficial outer mask is lacking. And yet when the unhappy outcome is accomplished, then you delude yourself into thinking that it was really not you who had brought it about. If you analyze your emotions in such an incident, or in similar ones, then you will discover that this lack of inner readiness -- in other words, this tiny inner voice saying no -- does exist in you, regardless of how much you consciously desire the happy outcome. Since the happy outcome would still be a compromise as compared with the complete rulership that you unconsciously wish to exert, then you prefer to destroy that which is within the realm of the possible and ask for pain and suffering instead. Once you find all that out and you experience it to be a truth in yourself, as you have experienced other truths in the course of the work on the path, then you will be well on the way to outgrowing the prison of your self-inflicted suffering due to errors and to false concepts.

This is very important for all of you, my friends, for it is universal and all-encompassing. The time has come that all of you who work on this path to investigate this as closely and as honestly as you know how.

It is often said that self-destruction -- that is, the desire for unhappiness -- is the result of deep-rooted guilt feelings. This is only partly true. It is rather the other way around. There is no greater guilt feeling and no greater shame in the human soul than the guilt due to provoking and collecting unhappiness. You may ask why this should cause more guilt than anything else. Yet is is so, my friends. I can safely say that the guilt and the shame due to provoking unhappiness and to collecting miseries is the mother of all guilts and of all shames, and is at the root of all other guilt feelings. All the feelings of guilt and shame that you have found so far are superficial levels and cover-ups for this real guilt. The proof of this is that the guilt feelings that you have unearthed and acknowledged still linger on. They have not disappeared. Had you found the real reason, then the guilt would have had to disappear, for then a change of attitude would inevitably have occurred. As long as a true finding still leaves you unable to change your respective attitude -- so that the healthy emotions could begin to grow -- then it means that this finding is not yet sufficiently basic. In other words, a basic truth has yet to be discovered.

Most of you are now ready to approach this part of your soul. Of course, it cannot be done alone. When you find and are ready to face all this within yourself, when you truly experience these emotions and live them, your life will gradually begin to change in many ways. By recognizing the ways in which you yourself call for unhappiness, you will cease to call for it in the realization that there is no longer any need for it. When you achieve a more mature outlook on life, then you will cease desiring to be a ruler. In the measure that you discover the desire for rulership within yourself and learn to give it up voluntarily, in that measure you will give up provoking unhappiness and misery. It is not easy to come to the point where you really experience all these emotions, where it ceases to be an intellectual theory. As long as it is a theory only, it will not help you one bit. If you observe this tendency in others only but not in yourself, then it will not help you. But with the proper method and, most of all, with your sincere will to find this in you, after a time, after some effort, after some painful recognitions, and after the overcoming of your resistance to it, you will find the confirmation of every single word I have said to you here -- every single word. It is necessary that you find these feelings now. If you find them, experience them, lift them out of their hiding place, and come to terms with them, then you will hold a major key in your hands.

I repeat, there is no exception. There is no human being who is completely free of what I have just described. It may manifest in different ways in different human beings. It may exist in different degrees. One person may provoke unhappiness and collect misery to a high degree, while another may express his demand for rulership more openly. Many variations exist. They are governed by temperament, by personality, by character trends, and by certain environmental factors in the formative years. But it exists in everybody, at least to some degree. The extent of this basic human deviation is determined by the ability of the growing human being to come to terms with the world of reality, accepting it instead of yearning for the world of utopia which the infant desires. Intellectual conviction and outer behavior are not indications of the inner attitude.

Perhaps you may have guessed that this universal human attitude, or inner process, just described is not an image -- neither a personal image nor a mass image. It underlies all images. It is a basic condition. The personal or mass images affecting the individual are always determined by the particular way the basic condition described here is expressed and to what extent it can or cannot be assimilated or come to terms with as the personality grows up. If you consider all your personal images with this in mind, then you will see that this basic condition influences and underlies all of your images.

I have occasionally mentioned in the past, particularly in one lecture about the vicious circle, that self-punishment and self-destructiveness are very strong factors in the human make-up. If you add what I have told you in this lecture, then the vicious circle referred to will become clearer, and therefore more understandable to you. I wanted to explain self-destructiveness in more basic terms, since we are approaching a deeper level in your work.

In some private sessions I have also mentioned the idealized self. I did not go into detail on this subject but waited to do so in this lecture. You will now understand the meaning of that term. Learn to analyze your idealized self, what your unconscious wants it to be, to accomplish, and to what purpose. By analyzing your daydreams and your desires of the past or present, you will always find the same common denominator: the desire for perfection in order to attain happiness, in order to be the ruler of the world that surrounds you. Offhand you will undoubtedly say: "No, I do not have the slightest wish to rule over others, that is not true." But what do your many emotions amount to? Do you not wish to be perfect in order to have people do exactly as you please? Do you not wish to be loved and approved by everyone, without exception? Do you not wish to be perfect in order to be better, outstanding, more admirable than other people? If you are honest with yourself about your emotions considered from this new slant, then you will have to admit that your answer must be yes, although you certainly never espress a desire for rulership in these terms. The rulership principle is inherent in every soul and it needs to be faced, my friends, before you can really outgrow your chains. Without recognizing this, you cannot recognize your desire for unhappiness, your provocations in that direction. It is of great importance that you face and see this in its true light.

If you can really accept yourself -- in your deeply seated emotions, not merely in theory and with your intellect -- as one of a string of humanity, being as imperfect as the next one, being liked by some, disliked by others, approved of by some, disapproved of by others, then you have truly reached maturity. As a result, you will no longer find it necessary to damage yourself by inviting misery. But how few people are capable of doing this! You always suffer acutely when you are disapproved of. It may also rob you of sleep at times, of your peace of mind. You find it so unbearable to be disapproved of that you cannot even admit to the slightest wrong. You fight against any such admission. Why? Because it would destroy the picture of your idealized self. Your life seems at stake, for all happiness seems to slip out of reach if you cannot maintain the picture of your idealized self. This is the infant in you reacting. Your brain tries to assimilate the clamor of the infant in a rationally acceptable way. But this does not bring you peace. Peace will be yours only if you learn to see, to face, and to give up this infantile concept of happiness, of rulership, and of perfection.

You ferociously hold on to this basic condition not realizing how high a price you pay for it, not realizing that you would not need to suffer if only you were willing to acknowledge it all and then give up this concept and desire. By bringing the infant in you out into the open, it can be taught to be willing to let go of something useless. By keeping the infant in hiding, it would go on destroying your life, no matter how hard you try on outer levels, no matter how much you absorb with your brain.

The idealized self is always an expression of this basic condition, regardless of what shape or manner it takes with the individual personality.

Some of you may wonder where all this ties in with the God image. Since the God image is so basic in the personality, and this, too, is basic, then how do these two combine? In your work on the God image -- whether you call it God image or life image actually makes no difference; for some people the latter expression may be more adequate -- you have found mostly one particular aspect of it: the unreasonable fear you have of God. The monster that this god -- created by your misconception -- appears to be to your subconscious mind. In your God image this god seems unjust, inadequate, weak, and therefore arbitrary and cruel. As such, he is to be feared. You know that these emotions exist, regardless of your conscious concept of God. This aspect of the God image ties in with the subject just discussed. Since you want happiness according to your idea, and life denies it, or God denies it, therefore God is to be feared all the more. For it seems senseless to you to be denied what you wish. It seems unfair and unreasonable. So, you can see the connection here.

But there is one further aspect of the God image that has not yet been found, or at least fully recognized, by many of my friends. And that is the following: "Since I can attain happiness only by being an omnipotent ruler, then I have to be a god myself. Therefore, I want to be God. Why should I submit to this cruel, vindictive, vengeful, inadequate god who inflicts so much suffering on us? I could do it so much better. I would be more benign than he is if my will were done, if I were loved and approved of. I have no intention of being cruel if people do what I want. Therefore, I know better than God, and so I want to assume rulership of my little universe." It makes no difference whether that universe is the nursery, the house, the circle of friends and acquaintances, the town, the country. One's universe is always as large as the scope of the inner eye and the reach of one's perception -- not that of the outer knowledge of man. Again, you never think these thoughts consciously and in such crass terms. But by checking and analyzing the emotions as to their real content, you will find that they amount to just that. I would like to recommend that you try to find this aspect of the God image in you, my friends, if you have not clearly found it yet.

I will be glad to help all of you individually to find and trace this basic condition brought to your attention in this lecture. With each one of you the way may be different. We have to find with each the approach best suited. So this will be the new phase, and a very important one, to enter into at this time.

Are there any questions on this subject?

QUESTION: Would you say that enjoying unhappiness is the same as "weltschmerz"?

ANSWER: This is just one aspect out of many others, as self-pity, for instance. But the crasser form of enjoying unhappiness is enjoying the process of provoking the situation that will bring on unhappiness.

QUESTION: Would you elaborate on the statement that pain and pleasure are the same?

ANSWER: Do you mean in the healthy and developed form? For in the unhealthy deviation they are not the same. (No, I mean in the healthy way.) I will try to find the right words, for it is difficult to convey in the limited human language something that can hardly ever be experienced by a human being, and is therefore outside the realm of his understanding.

Let me try to put it in this way. Regardless of the outer event, good or bad, the personality who has reached this state remains unaffected by negative results. Therefore, he is truly independent. Pain -- or what would cause pain to a person not having reached this state -- will have a creative, uplifting effect, causing inner growth and additional strength and freedom. While pain is known to be inevitable, it is not looked for: it is taken in stride and allowed to serve a constructive purpose. When this purpose is fulfilled, it ceases to be pain. With a human being who is truly advancing on this path this can be observed to some degree. A painful event comes your way. At first you will suffer. But instead of extending this period of suffering unduly by wallowing in a feeling that it is senseless, not realizing what can be learned from it, fairly soon you will come to the point where this painful occurrence gives you an important new recognition about your soul, freeing you forever of chains of ignorance and of darkness. The moment this recognition is reached, then the pain ceases, even though the outer condition that caused the pain still prevails. Thus the condition that has caused you acute pain before the recognition now becomes a source of joy. And here I mean healthy and constructive joy, leaving no bitter aftertaste.

The higher the development of the entity, the shorter the period of suffering and the faster the moment sets in where the negative incident ceases to be painful -- until finally the moment of recognition occurs at the same time as this painful experience takes place. When this is reached, pain and pleasure become truly one. Then one has outgrown the world of opposites.

You must not expect in this life to reach the point where pain instantly turns into pleasure. In fact, this would be a dangerous expectation, since it approaches the unhealthy element of looking for pain that is in you. Moreover, it would lead to the non-acceptance of life as it is in your reality, in your realm, namely a mixture of both pain and pleasure. Only by fully accepting both can you come out of inviting pain in an unhealthy way. Thus steadily -- though slowly -- you will approach the point where pain will no longer be. So do not search for that. Simply try to make the painful experience a constructive one. That is the best, the only way for now.

QUESTION: Would you say with that statement that the martyrs of the Catholic Church, for instance, have gone into that dangerous state of confusing it?

ANSWER: Very often, indeed.

QUESTION: In other words, what the human being can do, if I understand it right, is to take it as a philosophical concept?

ANSWER: Yes. Beware of trying to strive for it now, for it may be exactly the opposite of what you really want and need for your soul.

Be blessed, all of you, this entire group. May divine light and strength, truth and love flow through you and lighten your burdens. Be in peace, be in God.