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Newsgroups: alt.comics.fan-fiction
Subject: Stranger in a Stranger Land [Excalibur/anyone else I feel like
throwing in] 1/?
From: desselle@mindspring.com (Constance Jean Desselle)
Date: Thu, 27 Mar 1997 07:49:43 GMT
This is my first attempt at fanfic, it's late, I haven't been medicated
today, and if I have my way I WILL have caffeine before this is done
(mwuahahahahahah!!!!) so I apologize in advance for spelling errors, grammar,
the plot, etc. For continuity-freaks this story begins during Excalibur 108, and if you've read it then you should have no trouble figuring out where I am
picking up. But after my starting point I have decided to say
"THHHHPPPPBBBBTTTTTT!!!" to the rest of the Marvel continuity. It's my story
so I can, so nanny-nanny-boo-boo!:) Also, I am introducing a new character
or two. If anyone wants to use 'em (although I don't think anybody will)
e-mail me, say pretty please, and I will probably give you the metaphorical
keys :). Also, if you liked/hated/found this story mildly interesting or
amusing, feel free to e-mail me at desselle@mindspring.com:) However, my ego
is but a tiny, fragile bud just beginning to open, so please be nice, even if
you find the story to be appalling. If even one person likes this story, I'll
write the rest of it, otherwise it gets scrapped, so if you do like it,
please tell me.
DISCLAIMER: All characters that Marvel owns belong to Marvel. All characters
that *I* own belong to me. I do not own Marvel's characters (at least not
until I storm the Bullpen, take the personnel hostage, and put them on my
list of demands), and Marvel does not own my characters. Not only will anyone
attempting to sue me get nothing in return (I have no money), but I will also
feed them to my boyfriend's pet ferret.
**indicate thought** <>>
STRANGER IN A STRANGER LAND 1/?
Carla stood in Joker's Palace, scanning the new releases, searching for the
newest Excalibur. "Chris, is it in yet?" she asked the blond man behind the
counter.
"Nah, but most of our Marvel shipments are late, you know that. I thought you
were giving up on that title" Chris replied.
"I was...but I'm too attached to the characters. Besides, maybe I just need
to give Ben Raab a chance...." she trailed off.
"This from the girl who was going to organize a revolution and go from con to
con waving the poor guy's bloody head on a pike?" he inquired dryly. "And
now, after inspiring more than *half* of the younger customers here to
inscribe 'Death to Ben Raab the Evil One' on everything from the fence out
back to one VERY disgruntled Algebra teacher, you decide that maybe you
should 'give Ben Raab a chance'? I think either you're coming to your senses
or quite possibly taking leave of them ... *You're* the one who pointed out
the plot and character inconsistencies, and you were quite vocal about
everything if I recall correctly..."
"Now just a minute, Chris! You know that the 'Evil One' thing wasn't my
fault...I never once told the kids to do that! Anyway, all I'm saying is
that it can't be easy to come in after Warren Ellis" she said, her voice
taking on a reverent tone as she spoke of Excalibur's former writer. " She
glanced up, and seeing the 'Give me a break' look Chris was sending her,
stuck out her chin. "I thought your job was to SELL comics, not talk people
OUT of buying them..." she started, her eyes flashing.
Chris merely grinned evilly. "No need to start throwing me such black looks,
Carla, I'm merely trying to prevent you from starting a riot when you see
109, is all. You've had to have heard the stories by now, and from the sound
of it the new haircuts alone will be enough to give you fits..." Chris was
having a hard time trying to keep a straight face, but putting forth
admirable effort. "Tell you what...promise not to start training the twelve
year olds in guerrilla warfare so they can help you take over the Bullpen
after you read 109, and I promise to get some DV8 in so you can get your
Warren Ellis fix."
"Chris, your an angel!" the young brunette exclaimed. "And you bloody well
know that you could get me to agree to just about anything by promising to
feed my Ellis-addiction..."
"Hmmmmmmmm...marry me and I'll get him down here in person!" he said
teasingly.
"You're *already* married you big silly!" Carla stated, rolling her eyes.
"This is NOT Utah!"
"Well, you can't blame a guy for trying..."
After rounding up a few back issues of various titles and paying Chris, Carla
started walking back to her house, fervently wishing she had taken her car.
**No Mom, I can walk. I need the exercise anyway. Geez, I am SUCH a
dork...**
And then there was a moment of intense pain and a flash of blue light......
In a different place...
"So, what's on the menu for today?" the beautician asked.
"Change" replied Kitty Pryde with a glint in her eye, as her friend Rahne
Sinclair nervously glanced at the scissors.
What might have happened next is unknown, because at that exact moment a
brilliant flash of blue light and a loud thud heralded the appearance of one
very unconscious girl. It is a well known fact that having strange people
drop out the ceiling tends to have an unsettling affect on the other people
present...
"Ummm....Molly, de ye have any idea as to why there is an unconscious girl on
yuir floor???" Rahne asked hesitantly. "Kitty I DO think you can sit down, I
dinnae think she can be much of a threat if she isn't even awake..."
"Rahne, if unconscious girls were in the habit of fallin onto me floor, I'd
lose customers. I have NO IDEA who that is, I thought maybe she was with
you..." Molly said.
At this point Carla woke up. Upon looking around she decided four things: A)
She didn't know where she was. B) She must have hit her head pretty hard
because C) She could swear that there was a werewolf looking at her funny, so
D) She should probably be going now. Quickly. She attempted to stand up,
prepared to bolt if necessary, when she got a good look at Molly.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! OMIGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S SHAMROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF NIGHTMARE IS THIS!?!?!?!? I HEARD
ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO SHADOWCAT AND WOLFSBANE"S HAIR!!!!!!! KEEP THE SCISSORS
AWAY!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!"
There was a moment of stunned silence.
"SINCE you SEEM to know who I am, maybe you wouldn't mind telling us just who
YOU are" Molly, AKA Shamrock, demanded in a nasty tone of voice.
*I* am Carla...this feels to real to be a dream...did Chris hire you three???
Is this some elaborate practical joke???? What am I saying, of course it
is..." Carla replied in a dazed tone of voice.
"I don't know who you are, but let me assure you that this is no practical
joke..." Kitty began seriously.
"Um, excuse me, but did you just say something about our hair?" Rahne
asked, once again looking nervously at the scissors.
"I just told you, I'm Carla, and of course it's a joke, that's the only
explanation. What, you expect me to believe that I am talking to fictional
characters??? Yah, RIGHT.....EXCUSE ME, BUT WHY ARE YOUR LEGS STICKING
THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THAT CHAIR!?!?!? Oh, of course, silly me" said Carla,
regaining her composure. " You must be a hologram or something, although I
don't think that I'll ever figure out how Chris managed that..." She walked
over to Kitty, reaching out to poke at her shoulder. A comical look crossed
her face as she touched a *very solid* shoulder. "Oh, ummm....well....maybe
you're not" she said just before fainting.
"Perhaps we should, er, do something about her and reschedule our appointment
for later" Kitty said to Molly.
"Much later" mumbled Rahne, fingering her long red locks and thinking about
the tone Carla had used when mentioning Shamrock's hairstyle in regards to
herself and Kitty.
As they left, carrying the now unconscious Carla, Shamrock watched them leave
from a window. **Damn! I lose more customers that way...**
Later, at Muir Island....
".....and so then she just said 'Maybe you're not' and passes out!" Kitty
exclaimed.
"That's it? 'Maybe you're not'?! Nightcrawler, the team leader, asked.
"Ach, I miss the good old days, when enigmatic people who fell out of the sky
had something a little more dramatic to say than 'Maybe you're not' before
they passed out..."
"Oh, like 'They are coming!' or 'Beware!' or 'The traitor is among you, and
he is a nasty toerag that is going to beat the crap out of you'?! It seems
that whenever you lot get *dramatic* statements along those lines it always
means a nasty fight and massive property damage. Personally, I'll take
'Maybe you're not' any bloody day of the week" stated Pete Wisdom.
"You lot?" inquired Brian Braddock.
"Well, superheroes in general" amended Pete.
At this point, Moira MacTaggart walked into the room. "Wisdom, put that
cigarette out, I can smell it from the hall..."
"Lady Moira, do ye know anything about the girl yet??" Rahne asked.
"Well, she had a nasty bump to the head, but other than that she seems to be
unhurt. She should be regaining consciousness fairly soon..."
"So you left her in the med. lab, then?" asked Peter Rasputin.
Actually, Carla had woken up just as Moira was leaving the med. lab and had
very quietly followed her. At the moment she was crouched by the door
listening, her eyes gone wide. She was, to put it mildly, stunned at the
thought that she was *really* in the company of "fictional characters", and
was trying to figure out all of the implications. The only person who noticed
she was there was Pete, who was apparently keeping quiet for reasons of his
own.
"Well," Moira said "she isn't going anywhere. Besides, I have to go back to
look at Brian and Meggan's test results, to make sure that they weren't
damaged by the Dragons of the Crimson Dawn..."
"Pardon?" said both Kitty and Rahne.
"Och, I guess we forgot to mention it...a bunch of wackos kidnapped Brian,
but Meggan figured it out and gave them a good thrashing. Spiral showed up,
and I dinnae think she was up to any good, but I had her in for some
coffee..." Moira explained.
"And then she BOLTED! Moira's 'coffee' strikes again!!!" crowed Pete.
"I'll have you know, Peter Wisdom, that my coffee is good, plain fare, that
you'll nae be findin' elsewhere!"
"Thank GOD!"
Before the argument could begin in earnest, a sneeze was heard from the
doorway. Instantly everyone (except Pete, and Moira, who was trying to come
up with a fitting expletive to describe Pete) were on their feet. Carla heard
a BAMF! behind her, and smelled brimstone, as a three fingered hand grabbed
her from behind, spinning her around. She looked Nightcrawler straight in
the eye.
"Erm...hello..."
**Oh, please don't let me faint again**
To be Continued...(?)
Well, that was the beginning. Next episode (if there is one) : Ever wondered
what YOU would do if you were suddenly flung into the Marvel Universe???
Would you ask questions? Like: Hey Rouge, how come you don't just go to Forge
and get him to make you some gizmo to help you control your powers, or just
modify some current power inhibiting technology? Or, Why does Excalibur need
to start training mutants when there is already Generation X? Why doesn't
Generation X have more student's, anyway, considering the number of mutants
out there? Why has Nightcrawler been shoving sweatsocks down the front of his
uniform?? What's the deal with Amanda turning into a hosebeast and bugging
out without even giving Kurt an explanation??? All of this, plus the Church
of Ellis!:)
(
geocities.com/soho/studios) (
geocities.com/soho)