Below are lists of chain of thoughts titled as the following:

                               *    Drama
                    *    IM
                    *    Dozen Red Roses
                    *    Rex's Cafe
                    *    The Night
                    *    Thingie
                    *    Beginning - End - Beginning
                    *    Illusions
                    *          Resume
 

I read the Lisa chick story.
She says all the right things in her "Dynamic Entity."

She sings:
Tell me you love me,
Tell me that I am the one that is worth the pain for,
   that I am the one who makes you forget everything else.
Tell me that you kissed me in the past,
   in the present,
   in the future.
Tell me that there is nothing worth dying over...
Except for the love of one.

I cry.
I cry.
I cry.

Jay Leno show.
He says, "Three days to Halloween."
I cry.

Phil's e-mail.
He writes, "Thursday 7 PM, dinner at Rex's Cafe."
I cry.

Tomorrow will be the day.
I tell you that I'm not inspired,
   not wanting to go on.
"Will you be there too?  Which end of the table will you be sitting?"
I cry.

I can no longer take the pain you caused in my life.
Only peace, and harmony.
Toss in stability, please.

I'm yearning for your love.
I never want more than that.
I'm yearning for your touch,
   even if it's poison.
I'm yearning for your attention,
   even if it's never there.

I do all the wrong things,
   because I love you.

I cruise the Internet,
   seeking inspiration.
You fail to deliver.
You break my heart.

Suddenly a message pops up.
"Hey.  I saw your picture in the gallery.
   You are so beautiful.  I just want to say hi."

I hit Cancel.
I hit Cancel, Cancel, Cancel.
I put on Ignore, Ignore, Ignore.

How do I explain to a complete stranger?
My life is more than a pretty face and two juicy tits.

How do I start to tell you?
Without your existence,
  without you,
  my pain is real.

DOZEN RED ROSES

The most gorgeous flowers.
Ever seen burgundy dark red half-blooming bloody roses like these?

Office girls, really pretty ones,
   stop by the UNIX/NT/SAP/Windows 97 cubicle.
"Wow, how pretty, I'm jealous," they say.

Male colleagues, lots of them,
   after asking technical questions about SAP,
   pause,
   and finally comment,
"Geez, flowers.  He must have done something really WRONG!"

"Aren't they pretty?" I reply, smiling.

The only beautiful part of this story are the dozen red roses.
 

REX'S CAFE

I dreaded that day.
To walk back in there,
   a dark cold rainy autumn night.

You and I were there the last time I saw you.
Your pain in your eyes.
"Goodbye.  I love you and I always will."

I never figured out why and how I lost you.

It was your birthday that day.
You are a Scorpio like me.
I gave you up for that man I thought I'd love 'til the day I die.

Two exactly years later,
   tomorrow is the day I'll return to Rex's Cafe.
The floodgate is open.
I'll see the past, the present, the future.
Again, a broken heart.
I will cry.
You know I will cry.

I swore I saw the heart
   breaking into millions of pieces
   slowly
   slowly
   slowly.

That night
   there was no more brave woman
   no talented fun loving caring actress
   performing a fairy tale.

No more fantasies.
Reality hit so hard so fast, so ill-fated.

Do you believe in fate?

Do you do you do you?

Do you believe in starting over again?

Do you do you,do you?

Do you believe in forgetting the pain and going on?

Do you believe in me, you, us, another life, another chance?

There was never a fairy
   or tale
   or a fairy tale.

I lived in a fantasy world.
The world collapsed that night at your friend's wedding
   right in front of my eyes.

And so did my heart.
 

I called you Thingie
   this ugly word invented by a girlfriend
   for me to use on you.

Can't you tell
   I can't call you anything else
   or you'd know
   I love you so.
 

This.
This rings a bell.
Hot.
Hotter.
Far away exotic trip.
Pictures.
Sudden declaration.
"I want to date someone else" crap.
The end.

This.
This rings a bell.
Writing.
Random stuff.
Staying up all night.
Bad poetry.
Rebound.
Reconciliation.
Polk Street.
Russian Hill.

Flames.
Fast burning.
Dripping candles.

Hugging.
Kissing.
Touching.
Making love.
Sucking.
Fucking.
Tears.
Heart breaking.
Starting all over again.

When does it end?

How real do you want it to be?

Halloween.

Boo.

Trick or treat?

Can we trade goodies?

I just want my heart back.

All of it was just an illusion.
Everything but my own feelings.

Ally McBeal.
Tragic endings.
Being Asian.
Blonde fetish.

When do I ever learn?
Paris night.
I should have listened.

You built illusions around us.
Now the laughter is only for hiding my fragile feelings.

Illusions.
Dark sofa beer pizza theatre.
In Oakland.
The night when your mind wandered to some other woman.
Yet your lips still locked with mine.
I thought "God, I love you so."

He said, "She had a better resume.
Her list of wants, could be's, desires, qualifications
   matched mine much more than yours."

Panic hits.
I compile my own resume.

Single.
Fully trilingual: Mandarin, Cantonese, and English.
Knows wine, music, museums, fashion.
Hobbies include scuba, golf, snowboard, jogging.
Eclectic group of straight, bi, and gay friends.

Well traveled.
Paris.
Florence.
Rome.
Beijing.
New York.
Hong Kong.
Key West.
Hawaii.
Jamaica.
Boston.
Provincetown.

Well read.
The Wall Street Journal.
The New York Times.
Business Investor Daily.
The Economist.
Architectural Digest.
Vogue.
Wakes up to NPR.

College educated.
CPA at age 20.
Computer consultant with one of the world's best consulting firms.
Loves job, colleagues, clients.
On the management track.

Fat 401(k) and IRA accounts.
Impressive Charles Schwab investment and cash balances.
All from my own savings.
Mortgaged property on a hill near San Francisco.
Big screen TV and the Sports Channel.
Six-figure income.
Not even 26 yet.
Frequent shopper at Bebe, Georgeou, Saks.
Pays credit card bills in full.

Loves writing.
Traveling.
Photography.
Dancing.
Discussing philosophy over non-fat decaf latte.
Does volunteer work in spare time.
Great cook and gardener.
Loves interior design.
Hanging pictures.
Painting the walls.
Decorating.
Working around the house.
Family oriented.

Good tempered.
Graceful.
Classy.
Sentimental.
Conservative at heart.
Wants two Eurasian children in the near future.
Not afraid of commitment.
Will get married to the right person.

Loyal.
Devoted.
Passionate.
Loving.
Romantic.
Attractive.
Exotic.
Down to the waist curly hair.
34D cup.
Small waist.
Curvy.
Petite.
Size 2/4.
Pretty face.
Pleasant smile.
Bi-curious.
Adventurous.
Gives great blow jobs.
Swallows.
Moans at the right moment.
Orgasmic.
Loves sex.

Seeks one man with a similar sentiment.
Kind.
Generous.
Mature.
Educated.
Motivated.
Strong.
Who loves me.
And no other.

P.S.
Don't break my heart.