Total Eclipse of the Heart
by Sara Lynn
*DO NOT ARCHIVE WITHOUT PERMISSION* I like to know where my story goes.
SUMMARY: Hours after Scully announces to the FBI Mulder’s death.
SPOILER WARNING: everything up to Gethshemane
RATING: between TV-14 and TV-MA. ;-) (It’s more TV-14 than the alternative)
CONTENT WARNING/CLASSIFICATION: S, MSR -- cause I can’t write anything else.
DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully are creations of Chris*t* Carter (According to Creative Loafing) and owned by Twentieth Century Fox.
Songs are not in their full form. Eternal Flame is by Bangles, Please Don’t Go is by Double You, Total Eclipse of the Heart is by Bonnie Tyler. I own only the CD’s, not the songs.
Dana couldn’t stop the tears. She had done it. She lied to the bureau . . . and now she was alone. How could she be so cold to Mulder’s memory? Her heart was broken and it was never going to heal. Her one true love. Dana always laughed at the prospect of such a love existing, but after meeting Fox Mulder, nothing was impossible.
The details behind Mulder’s death were too personal to recap in front of the committee. She lost her control in the end and ran from the room, her eyes no longer hiding her feelings. No one came after her. They didn’t care. To them, Mulder’s death was just a convenience.
She came home and fell to her bed. The tears had not stopped since the conference and she picked up her head to see the night settling in. Her body ached with pain. Muscles were tightening and her chest was caving in. Her clothes were constricting and she had trouble breathing.
Dana strewed her clothes over the bedroom until she was completely nude and only the chilly air was what she could feel. Her skin was heightened and nothing seemed to stop her pains. Even the rush to the bathroom did nothing to stop the pain. She shut herself in the shower and turned the water up as hot as it would go.
The prickly heat fell over Dana’s form, knocking her to the tile floor. The tears started again and blended with the water from the showerhead. "Why? Why? Why?!" Dana screamed as she leaned back against the wall. Everything around her was dying and soon she would join them. She reached us to hold her face and noticed the blood as she pulled them away. Her face fell at the sight and she couldn’t take it anymore.
Dana wrapped herself in the white robe and sat cross-legged in front of the roaring fire. The tears finally stopped as she was able to calm down. She turned on the stereo hoping music might help her mind. The tape player began without her being aware and she heard a soft piano begin to play. She turned at the soft singing. Dana hadn’t remembered ever owning this tape but she knew the song. Her hoarse voice joined the tape when she remembered the words.
"Close your eyes. Give me your hand, darling. Do you feel my heart beating? Do you understand?" Dana knew this was what she wanted to say to Mulder, but he was gone. . . "Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming. . . is this burning. . . an eternal flame." Dana squeezed her arms closer. That’s exactly what this pain in her heart was. An eternal flame that wouldn’t burn out. ". . .Say my name. Sunshine through the rain. My whole life’s been lonely and then you come and ease the pain . I don’t want to lose this feeling. . ."
Dana wiped away her tears as she realized they had started again. She was not going to let this happen. Her life was messed up enough without worrying about things that couldn’t be helped.
Rationally, Dana thought, I won’t live much longer and maybe after I die we can be together. She laughed to herself. Her mother had called earlier that morning. She didn’t sound right. Why should she? Her daughter, her only living daughter, was practically dead. Dana stood up and walked to the window. No one moved outside. Her life was frozen and Dana already thought she had died from the pain.
The tape continued and another song she knew began. It was strange but it was also something she hadn’t heard in a while.
"Babe, I love you so. . . I want you to know.
That I’m. . . gonna miss your love. . .
the minute you walk out that door. . .
Please don’t go. . ."
"Don’t go." Dana chimed in. the tears shined on her cheeks.
". . .don’t go away. . .Please don’t go. . ."
"Don’t go."
". . .I’m begging you to stay. . .
You leave. . . leave in my lifetime. . .
I’ve had one dream come true. . .
I was blessed. . . to be loved. . .
by someone as wonderful as you. . ."
Blessed. Of all the things Dana had in her life, nothing every meant as much to her as the fact she was loved by Fox. He had never said it out loud, but he had said that he didn’t want her to leave him. He said it himself that he feared losing her. That was sweeter than any I love yous, but she still wished he had said those words before his death.
She stood, looking out the window and sighed. The song ended and another began. This one was way too familiar. It was off of the CD she borrowed from Mulder on their last case.
"Turnaround. . . Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round.
Turnaround. . . Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears.
Turnaround. . . Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all my years have gone by.
Turnaround. . . Every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes.
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart.
Turnaround bright eyes. . ."
"Every now and then I fall apart." Dana felt the tears start again. She loved how it sounded like Mulder was singing to her. The pain in her side couldn’t stop her from feeling the word touch her. "And I need you now tonight. . . And I need you more than ever. . . and if you only hold me tight, we’ll be holding on forever. . ." Her face lifted to stop her tears. She needed him. "Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart. . . There’s nothing I can do. . . a total eclipse of the heart. . ." Dana buried her face in her hands and knew this was death. It was anything but living. She lifted her face and listened to the music. Her body became aware of everything around her and she could sense the air shift.
"Turnaround bright eyes." That wasn’t the tape, Dana thought. "Turnaround bright eyes." A hand landed on her shoulder and Dana looked up, seeing a familiar form in the window’s reflection.
Like he asked, She turned around. His arms came around her and pulled her close. Dana couldn’t stop her tears. Mulder. . . alive?! He was holding her in his arms and he was alive.
"Mulder? You can’t be alive. . . how?"
To Be Continued. . . Next Season. . .