A Kiss is Just A Kiss
by Sara Lynn
Originally Posted March 10th, 1998
*DO NOT ARCHIVE W/O PERMISSION. DO NOT POST TO ATXC.*
SUMMARY : Mulder's thought's after the Kiss.
SPOILER WARNING: post-Red & Black. I don't think it's wise to read this if you haven't seen it.
RATING: PG for situations
CONTENT WARNING/CLASSIFICATION: V, Mulder/Someone Romance.
DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully are soon to be mine. . . as soon as Twentieth Century Fox decides to sell them.
Krycek at one point in time was my friend. I thought I had found someone that would help me like Scully did. I was wrong. I seem to be wrong about many things. Assuming I was safe in my own apartment is one I am constantly wrong about. He got me from behind. Probably how he likes it. I do not know how but the one armed man got the drop on me.
"You're must be losing it, Mulder. I can beat you with one hand."
Okay smartie-Fox. Get yourself out of this one. "Isn't that how you like to beat yourself?" Wrong answer. He's cocking the hammer at my joke. "If those were my last words, I can do better."
I hate having guns shoved in my face. I can remember a handful of times and each time results in me somehow getting hurt. Krycek spouted off some bull about the abductees at Skyland Mountain and the Pennsylvania Bridge. I listened and watched his face falls as he tells me about the Russian boy that is the catalyst to the end of the world. I just looked up at him. Then it happened.
I did not realize it was going to happen until it did. Krycek leaned down and kissed me. I turned slightly so he ended up kissing my cheek. The thick lips came down on my five o'clock shadow. It did last very long but it lingered when he moved back. After he handed me his gun and left, I could still feel it burning on my skin. I didn't move. I sat on the floor for almost the next hour thinking.
Thousands of thought past through me. I kept wondering if I liked it. I do not think it was romantic. I can't imagine that being a side of Krycek. It was a friendly gesture. Yea, that's right. European men kiss their friends hello and goodbye. Course that custom never sat right with me. And Krycek isn't European, I think. And the way he was talking, oh shit … it was romantic!
So what if it was a romantic kiss? I'm not interested. I have Scully. Course I've never told her that... but I've kissed her! Aha! But it was during her stint in the hospital and I was about to lose her. I have not been very warm to her lately. Just a week or so ago, we got into a scuffle over the case in Texas and I did not help much. Leaving her with that … that sheriff. How could she be attracted to him? What about me? Why do I attract people like Krycek when I want to attract Scully?
I should be happy she reached out to me during her hypno-regression. I'm not sure what I was expecting however. I did not want to cause her pain by restoring her memories. She has enough of that. Why do I do this to her? I need to cut out the crap from our relationship. It is not just a working partnership. I find I am so attracted to her mind and body, that I wonder how this … vibe could make Krycek … kiss me.
I think I'm going to throw up. I manage to get up on my sofa and close my eyes. The bile has risen and I feel utterly nauseous. I open my eyes and I can see the light penetrate the darkness. Scully. She's my light. What would happen if I told her about what Krycek did? Would she be sickened as well? Probably. She is very proper about those things. Probably would want to make love in the missionary position. Course she does have a wild side.
I don't let myself get carried away. A knock wrapped against my door. I knew she would shed some light on my life. "Come in."
"Mulder, why are you sitting in the dark?"
I want to laugh at the irony. "Thinking."
"Thinking about what?"
"The usual." You, mainly. " Destiny. Fate. How to throw a curve ball." She smiles slightly. "The inextricable relationships in our life that are neither accidentally nor somehow in our control either." I want to look at her, tell her she does not fall in either category.
She stares at me and lets her head drop. "I've just taken a long walk." Okay, she understands. We are going to continue our work, and I must respect that part of the relationship. As much as I want to touch her and kiss her, we both need to be fully in control of our capacities. Now is not the time, but hopefully it will come soon.
END