I wanted to leave, but wasn't strong enough. I felt I didn't have enough money to leave. That is no way to look at a situation like this. If there is a strong will, There is always a way. One time my then 8 year old son had to grab the steering wheel to keep them out of the ditch. This was after a whole day of binge drinking. This was also the straw that broke the camels back.He could of killed my kids!!! I left with in 2 days. While he was at work, I rented a small 2 bedroom trailer, and gave the rooms to the kids, while I slept on the couch, The living room was my bedroom. But I was so very happy, to be out of his control and beatings,phyically and emotionally. No more drunkeness to clean up afterwards.
I was on my journey of giving myself back to me.I won't say it wasn't hard at times. Being a single mother wasn't great.I had to work 3 jobs just to stay alive. But I was happy, tired, but happy.I could not let myself or my kids live like that anymore. The divorice left scars for my children, and he has been an absent parent, never calling or showing up when he was supposed to. So I am happy he is really is out of our lives. I re-married 2 years ago, to a wonderful and gentle man. The kids feel he is their father, as their own father has abandoned them.
When I left, My girlfriend gave me a book by Melodie Beatie entitled "Codependent No More."That book really opened my eyes up to what I had been dealing with and would need to work on so I didn't keep up my old patterns in dealing with new relationships.I highly recommend this book to anyone still in a situation with an alcoholic or currently getting out of one.
I am going to leave you with some qoutes from her book.Please take them to heart with an open mind and open eyes.
"The sun was shining, and it was a beautiful day when I met him. Then, everything went crazy." -Georgianne, married to an alcoholic
"When I say I'm codependent, I don't mean I'm a little bit codependent. I mean I'm really a codependent. I don't marry men who stop for a few beers after work. I marry men who won't work." -Ellen, an Al-Anon member
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." -The Serenity Prayer
"Detaching is not detaching from the person whom we care about, but from the agony of involvement." -Al Anon member
"Easy Does It." -Twelve Step program slogan
"We're so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves." -Al-Anon member
"What is it about me?" she asked. "Do I need a dead body laying in my bed in order to feel good about myself?" _Alice B., codependent who has been married to 2 alcoholics
"Live and let live." -Twelve Step program slogan
"This above all: to thine own self be true, and must follow, as the night the day, thou 'canst not then be false to any man." -William Shakespeare
"I'd like to make a motion that we face reality." -Bob Newhart, from the Bob Newhart Show
"When I repress my emotions, my stomach keeps score…" -John Powell
"What is it about me that you hate so much?" a man asked his wife six months into his sobriety. "Everything!" she replied with a glare. -Anonymous quote
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." -2nd Timothy 1:7
"Believe that life is worth living and your belief will create the fact. Be not afraid to live." -William James
"When you're doing what's right for you, it's okay to say it once, simply, and then refuse to discuss anything further." -Toby Rice Drews
"At least I don't run around actively seeking my own demise any more." -Al-Anon member
Back To The Yellow Brick Road
