Title: Eleventh Hour Author: Rachel Anton E-mail: ranton1013@aol.com Rating: NC-17 See part one for summary, disclaimer, etc. Mulder was a little bit terrified. Scully was never much of a driver. She had always made him a little nervous. But this was downright frightening. So far she’d blown three stop signs and practically swerved off the road. He couldn’t have cared less. He was with Scully. And he hoped that her apartment was far far away so he could spend as much time as possible with her. She was amazing. He was intoxicated with her all over again. He just stared at her for the first few minutes of the drive. Then he realized he should be talking to her, trying to grab a chance at seeing her again. Just tonight, his brain reminded him. Had that been bullshit all along? Probably. “So, um, do you go to the University?” He felt idiotic asking her a question like that. Of course he couldn’t very well ask, do you love me yet? “Not yet, I’m starting in the fall. How about you?” “No, I just finished undergraduate at Oxford and I’m probably gonna start graduate work there in the fall.” He noticed the corners of her mouth twitch down. She looked a tiny bit disappointed that he would be gone in a couple months. Just a tiny bit but it was definitely a good sign. “Oxford like England?” He nodded and she looked even sadder. Maybe he’d have to change his plans. “So Fox Mulder, what are you studying at Oxford in England?” He fought back an overwhelming urge to kiss her. “Psychology. How about you? What are you planning on majoring in?” She bit her lip and looked slightly bothered. And very beautiful. Mulder was alarmed to find himself growing more and more aroused. Not that this was any surprise. Talking to her had always turned him on. More than anything ever. “I’m not really sure actually. We don’t have to decide till sophomore year so...I dunno, I’ve been thinking about marine biology.” Marine biology?? He tried to mask his surprise. He wasn’t sure what he had expected. It wasn’t like he knew very much about this period of her life. In fact he knew next to nothing. He supposed he’d always just assumed she had known what she wanted to do right from the start. “That’s, that’s really interesting. What made you decide that?” It sounded safe too. Maybe he could talk her into sticking with that. “I love the ocean. And I love science.” She paused and considered her response. “I haven’t really decided though. Not entirely.” “Well it sounds really great.” She smiled uncomfortably and he dropped it. She obviously didn’t like talking about this much. “So, where did you grow up? England?” “No, I grew up in Massachusetts, Martha’s Vineyard.” “Martha’s Vineyard?” She smirked and arched her eyebrow. He could see what she was thinking. Pampered. Rich. Spoiled. He’d seen the look before. He’d forgotten what it felt like. He nodded somewhat guiltily. “What was that like?” “Fishy.” She smiled, thank God. “What about you Dana Scully, where did you grow up?” “Everywhere. My dad is in the navy so we traveled a lot. Before Maryland it was North Carolina, and before that San Francisco, before that I think it was Seattle. I...I can’t really remember what was before that. Never England though.” “Wow, that must have been tough.” He saw a flash of sadness cross her face and just as quickly it was gone. “It was fine.” Of course it was. She stared silently at the road ahead of her for a moment. And then the inevitable change of subject. “So, what were you doing out there anyway? I mean at the party. Did you follow me out there or something?” This was not a subject he wanted to discuss. “Pretty narcissistic of you to think that Dana Scully, wouldn’t you say?” She looked embarrassed and he regretted the stupid comment. When would he stop putting his foot in his mouth? “Actually, I went out for some air. I was getting sick of the party as I’m sure you can understand.” “Sorry, I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything. I was just, well...I guess I was just curious,” she muttered, seeming more embarrassed by the second. “It’s okay. I was pretty accusatory myself back there. I really had no right. I’m really very sorry about that. What happened before...it wasn’t your fault. You know that right?” She nodded absently, not appearing terribly convinced. “Honestly, don’t blame yourself for someone else’s stupidity. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said, stressing the you in the statement. “Well, whatever. It’s over. Thanks to you.” She turned to him and smiled and his heart did a flip flop. “You sure it’s over? I mean, are you gonna be okay?” “I’m fine. It was nothing. Really.” Damn. She was pulling into an apartment complex. He needed to think fast before she was gone. Should he ask for her phone number? Give her his? That seemed so corny, so date like. But how else would he see her again? Should he even try to see her again? She stopped in a space near the building and undid her seatbelt. “Well Fox Mulder, it was nice to meet you.” He was sweating, in a total panic. Don’t go Scully. Don’t go. “It was nice to meet you too. I um...I guess I’ll uh...see you around?” She nodded and reached for the car door. She started to open it and he sat there like a moron while his brain screamed at him to do something. Anything. Then she stopped. She turned back to him. “You know, I’m actually not that tired anymore. I mean it’s still early and it is the 4th of July. I don’t really feel like I’ve gotten my holiday’s worth.” This was good. This was very, very good. “Do you, um...do you feel like coming in for awhile? I think I’m gonna watch the fireworks from my fire escape. Not too exciting I know but...” “Yes!” he blurted out idiotically. Calm down boy, he admonished himself. Jesus. “I mean yeah. I mean that would be really nice.” She looked like she was trying not to laugh out loud. xxxxx Scully’s apartment was very neat, very pleasant. Everything was organized and in it’s place. There were even plants. Living ones. And real furniture. He thought of the dump he was living in and cringed. She went to her bedroom to change out of her torn clothing and he looked around the place a bit. He stopped at the bookshelf and perused her reading material. Melville, of course, Shakespeare, Joyce, lots of literature. Some science textbooks. Our Bodies Ourselves? The title jumped out at him and he picked it up and started leafing through the pages. It seemed to be some kind of manual for the female body. Very interesting. The section on masturbation seemed to be very well read. “Learning anything?” He jumped about a foot in the air. “I um...I was just ah...” He fumbled around with the book and eventually managed to get it closed and back on the shelf. “I didn’t realize it was ah...” She stood in front of him with her arms crossed over her chest. She looked stern and serious. And not too happy with him. Then miraculously her face softened and she chuckled. Thank God. She was wearing a pair of black leggings and a gray sweatshirt. And leg warmers. Scully wore leg warmers. He felt a little less embarrassed when he noticed that. “Come on nosy face.” She led him out to the fire escape which was surprisingly large and comfortable. She set up a few blankets over the rickety floor and there was room for both of them to stretch out and watch the fireworks. Not enough room for there to be more than a few inches between them though. It was perfect. They sat together for awhile in a comfortable silence looking at the lights in the sky. And each other. xxxxx Dana was starting to feel better and better. She had been very shaken by what had happened earlier but she had managed to put it almost completely out of her head by now. Fox Mulder was a comforting presence. She didn’t know why but she was starting to like having him around. So much so that she’d taken a huge leap of faith and invited him in here. It certainly wasn’t the smartest thing she’d ever done but she hadn’t been able to help herself. It hadn’t looked like he was going to ask for her number or anything and she’d been afraid that she’d never see him again. Letting him go seemed like a very sad thing to her. So now she was sitting with him on the fire escape, so close that she could smell him and she was starting to wonder what it would feel like to kiss him. She turned to him and found that he was looking right back at her. They both smiled shyly and he reached between them, taking the small cross she wore in his hand. She looked at him curiously, hoping he didn’t think she was some old-fashioned religious freak. “This is pretty. Are you very religious?” “K..kind of. I mean I was. I mean...I don’t really know actually.” How did this guy know exactly what to ask to make her completely flustered? He smiled though, seeming to understand so she continued. “I was raised Catholic and I believed for most of my life but now, I’m just not sure anymore. I mean, sometimes I look around and I feel like there has to be a God because there’s so much beauty in the world. And then other times, it seems like there’s so much horror, how could God let it happen? And of course I can’t ignore the conflicts between the traditional teachings of the church and the scientific facts that I know to be true. And politically, I find myself at odds with the church almost constantly. So...um, I’m really not sure.” She finished with a chuckle. Poor guy had opened a real can of worms here. But still he seemed interested and understanding. “So, do you think there’s an order to the universe or do you think things happen completely at random? I mean do you believe in fate?” He looked at her pointedly and she felt another annoying tremor. “Well Fox Mulder, I think those are two different questions. I do believe there’s an order to the universe but the question of fate is an entirely separate issue.” “Okay, good point. So, my question is I guess, do you believe in fate. Do you think there are certain things we’re predestined to do, certain people we’re predestined to meet, no matter what?” He was still holding her cross, turning it over in his fingers again and again. And the way he was looking at her, she was starting to believe in this fate he was talking about. “What exactly are you suggesting?” “I’m not suggesting anything Dana Scully. Just a simple question.” “Well then, I’d have to say no. I don’t think I believe in fate. I think we make our own choices and decisions and have the ultimate control of our destinies. I have to believe that. What’s the point of even trying if everything’s already been decided.” She realized suddenly that they were both whispering. And that he was really, really close. “Okay, but don’t you ever feel that things are, for lack of a better term, in the stars for you. Hasn’t anything ever happened to you that made you think, wow, that was fate. That was more than a coincidence.” His eyes moved over her lips and her throat felt very dry all the sudden. “Um...sometimes.” Like now. “But still, ultimately I have to believe in free will. I mean...” She was interrupted by a loud crash from inside the apartment. He was immediately on his feet. “What the hell was that?” “I dunno.” “Wait here and I’ll check.” He started to go inside and she followed him. “No way, I’m coming with you.” He turned to her with a mixture of annoyance and amusement. “Of course you are.” He opened the door to the apartment only to find Rebecca rolling around on the floor with some guy. They seemed to have knocked over a lamp in their activities, leading to the crash. “Steve?” The guy got off Rebecca and turned to face Fox Mulder. Apparently they knew each other. “Mulder, what are you doing here?” “What are you doing here?” Rebecca stood up and brushed herself off muttering, “I think it’s pretty obvious what we’re all doing here.” She gestured at Steve and introduced him to Dana. They shook hands awkwardly. “And you must be Rebecca. My name’s Mulder.” The two shook hands and Dana cringed at the way Rebecca looked him over. She waited for him to do the same thing back to her but he didn’t. In fact he turned back to Dana. “See Dana Scully, fate. Your roommate, my roommate, see what I mean?” He whispered it to her and she smiled at what she realized was now their private joke. She liked that. “C’mon Steve, let’s leave the kiddies alone.” Rebecca took his hand and led him off to her bedroom. Dana couldn’t understand how she could just sleep with a total stranger like that. Not that it was a surprise. It happened all the time. She suddenly felt very awkward. Was that what he was expecting from her? Had she given him that impression just by inviting him in? “So, um...is that what people call you? Just Mulder?” “Yeah, usually. I’m not too fond of Fox as a name generally speaking.” “Is that what you want me to call you?” “If you’d like. You can call me whatever you want Dana Scully.” “Well, if I call you Mulder, you’ve gotta call me Scully. Gender equality and all that.” For some unknown reason this caused him to beam at her. “I can deal with that.” ******** July 17, 1982 I haven’t kept a journal in years. When I was twelve I had one. Bill stole it and showed it to his friends. That was the last time. Even now I feel some anxiety about putting my deepest feelings down on paper, leaving evidence of what’s inside me. But there’s really no one who would bother stealing it now. And there is certainly no one I can truly talk to about this. No one who could ever understand. And I need to talk about it. I need to admit it, if only to myself. I’m in love. Wow. It sounds as stupid as I thought it would. Stupid but true. I am in love and it makes absolutely no sense. I met Mulder less than a month ago. We’ve never kissed, never even hugged, and yet I my love for him fills every moment of my being. The first night I met him, we spent hours talking. Just talking about everything and nothing, watching the sunrise from the fire escape, catching eyes, smiling at each other. When that night was over I knew, I love him. We’ve spent almost every single day together since then. We’ve been going to the movies, the park, for long walks and long talks. Sometimes we just stay at my apartment and watch TV and talk all night. I’ve never had a friend like this. I’ve never known anyone who I could share my quiet time with like this. And he actually enjoys it. He’s not thinking about partying and who he’s going to have sex with next constantly. He’s thinking about philosophy and science and art and religion and...well everything! He’s the smartest person I’ve ever known. And he doesn’t just talk endlessly like most semi intelligent guys. He doesn’t try to impress me with his huge vocabulary and knowledge of micro biology. He listens to me, really listens. Not just like a nodding idiot. And I can tell he’s really listening because sometimes he will challenge something I’ve said, and we’ll have a an argument, or a debate, and it’s fun. It’s actually fun. I’ve never enjoyed arguing with people before. I hate the conflict, the inevitable animosity. But with Mulder it’s different. His ideas are so unusual, so different from mine, that it’s exciting, invigorating to talk to him. Sometimes he teaches me and sometimes I teach him, but either way, we never walk away angry. Rebecca can’t stand him. She thinks he’s dark and disturbed. She just doesn’t understand his sense of humor. She doesn’t understand anything about him. She thinks he is strange and bad for me. I don’t care. I don’t care what anyone thinks. He is wonderful. He is caring, sweet, funny, gorgeous, brilliant, and the best part is he has no idea that he is any of those things. Well, maybe he knows he’s brilliant, he can be a tad arrogant about his mind. But he is adorably self conscious about EVERYTHING else. He makes me feel like there is no one in the world but the two of us. We can be in a room full of people and he will look at no one but me, talk directly to no one but me. He makes me feel special and loved just by being around him. Of course, I have no idea if I am loved. I don’t know if he sees me as a good buddy, someone to hang out with for the summer, or if there is more. Sometimes he will touch me a certain way, throw a veiled suggestion at me, but he never follows through. I can never tell if he is serious or just kidding around with me. I would like to find out. He’s leaving for England in two months and I need to know how he feels before he goes. I need to know if I will ever see him again. God, it kills me to think that I might not. It’s ridiculous. I’ve known him two weeks and I feel like I can’t live without him. Stupid stupid stupid. I keep telling myself he’s just a guy, don’t get hooked, don’t get hurt, and I’m trying, really I am. But I trust him. With my heart even. How can that be? I have to stop writing now because he’s on his way to pick me up. We’re going into DC to look at the monuments at night. This is the kind of thing he actually likes to do. Unbelievable. xxxxx Mulder was happy. Happier than he could ever remember being. There had been times with Scully when he had been happy but they were fleeting. They never lasted. There was always some crisis or another to interrupt their few moments of peace. This was the longest stretch of uninterrupted happiness he’d ever had. He’d spent nearly every day with her for the past two weeks and they got closer every time he saw her. She was a little different because she was so young but her essence was the same. Beautiful, brilliant, and exciting as hell. The fact that he’d been able to gain her friendship and trust again was the best gift he could have ever received. He was so happy, he almost felt guilty. There were so many things he hadn’t told her about his family, his past, everything. he hadn’t wanted to burden her with his troubles, the way he had the first time around. He’d wanted to get to know her as a person, to make up for his selfishness, but it didn’t seem honest somehow. She’d told him so much about herself and he’d told her virtually nothing. He had started thinking about that when his mother had called. She wanted him to come up for a visit. Just thinking about it brought up a million and one unresolved issues. His father was still alive in 1982. There was so much that needed to be dealt with differently. He wanted to share it with Scully. Worse than those omissions though, Mulder was beginning to feel very odd about not telling Scully how he had come to be here. He wanted to tell her about their past, or future, or whatever it was, together. Not that she was likely to believe him. But he felt like he was lying to her by not telling her. He knew he couldn’t live with that for much longer. That would mean telling her about her abduction, her death, a lot of horrible things. He didn’t want to scare her. He didn’t want to make her think he was a lunatic either. His worst fear was that he would tell her these things and she would never want to see him again. He put these concerns temporarily out of his head as he drove them across the beltway and into the city. He was having trouble concentrating on anything but her at the moment. She was wearing tighter jeans than usual. She usually wore very baggy clothes and he had suggested to her a few days ago, in a way he hoped hadn’t made him sound like a pig, that she might wanna wear something that showed off her body a little more. She had looked embarrassed at the time and asked what there was to show off. Lots had been his answer and she seemed to have listened. And her hair. She’d tied her flowing tresses into two braids hanging down either side of her face. Pigtails. They made her look even younger than usual but they were adorable. And he could actually see her face for once. He reached between them and took one of them in his hand. She turned to him and her face was flushed. Was she embarrassed or excited by his touch? She was still such a riddle. “They look stupid right?” “No. They’re cute.” She grimaced. “Cute is stupid.” “No, cute is cute. I like them. You look really pretty.” She smiled and blushed again. He pulled his hand away when he realized he was getting an erection. Don’t wanna go there, he warned himself for the millionth time. She was so young, the last thing she needed was to be corrupted by his perverted desires. He’d been trying, Lord how he had been trying not to feel them at all. But she was so damned hot. She was Scully for Christ’s sake. And he was twenty-one years old again, hormones running wild through his body. He couldn’t avoid thinking about it. But he would control himself. He had to. It just wouldn’t be right. Not now. Not yet. xxxxx Scully sighed to herself. Why did he always do that? He would touch her, say something sweet and then randomly and suddenly pull away from her. She’d been waiting for the day he didn’t pull away for a long time. The day he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Her patience was running out. They didn’t have all that much time together and she was starting to think she needed to be the one to make that day happen. The thought terrified her but she didn’t know how much longer she could go on like this, not knowing. Mulder found a parking space close to the monuments and they started walking around the city. It was so beautiful at night. She stared at the lights from the buildings and he stared at the sky. They walked side by side and she was struck by an overwhelming urge to take his hand in hers. She jammed her fists deep into her pockets, trying to suppress the desire. When they reached the Jefferson Memorial he turned to her. “My mother called me today.” She looked at him questioningly. He’d never mentioned his mother other than telling her his parents were divorced. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” “Not sure. She wants me to come and visit her.” She felt instantly territorial. If he went to the vineyard he would be away from her, possibly for days. “Are you going to go?” “Probably. Probably next weekend.” Scully tried to hide her disappointment. “What’s she like?” “Um...” Mulder gazed towards the sky, seeming to search for an appropriate adjective. “Fragile, she’s fragile.” Fragile? Scully couldn’t imagine having a fragile mother. “How come?” He shrugged and fiddled with the fabric at the bottom of his T-shirt. Mulder didn’t talk about his family very often and she hadn’t asked but she’d always been curious, and somewhat concerned for some reason. “She’s had kind of a rough time. Scully...there’s some stuff I haven’t told you about. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry or be upset for me because it’s not such a big deal anymore. I mean I’m over it but...” “But what?” She was suddenly terrified. “But it’s part of who I am and I need you to know about it.” She gestured for him to sit next to her on the steps and he did. And then he started talking. She didn’t interrupt, just listened to his story. And what a story it was. A story of a missing sister and a bitter father, of emotional neglect, verbal abuse, nights when his father would get so drunk he didn’t know what he was doing, nights when he would hit his terrified son and his helpless wife, the guilt Mulder had felt for letting his sister go. It was the saddest thing she had ever heard. She knew he wasn’t looking for her pity, he was telling her because it was his life, it helped make him the person he was. He didn’t want her to feel bad for him. But she did and it made her cry. He reached over and wiped the tears that were flowing freely down her cheeks. “No Scully, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. It’s okay.” “It’s not okay Mulder. It’s not. It’s terrible. I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.” She really couldn’t. Her own family was far from perfect. There were times when she’d hated all of her siblings and her father was a stern authoritarian figure who dolled out love and approval like table scraps, but she had never endured anything like this. No one had ever put her down the way Mulder’s father had done to him. And as much as her brothers and sister annoyed her, she couldn’t imagine the pain and guilt she would have felt if one of them had vanished mysteriously. She took one of his hands tightly in her own. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” He flashed her a toothy grin. He honestly didn’t seem that upset about it. “It’s okay Scully. Really, it is.” “Okay, but if you ever want to talk about it, don’t hesitate. I’ll be here.” He squeezed her hand in acknowledgment and started to pull away. She wouldn’t let go. Not this time. She pulled back. Then she leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. His eyes squeezed shut and she took the opportunity to kiss his eyelids. She moved on slowly to his forehead, and then his chin. He was trembling and seemed to be holding his breath. She was so close to his mouth. She paused for a moment to admire the glistening moisture, the fullness of his lower lip. She had to do this. She just had to. She took a deep breath and nervously touched her mouth to his. She pressed gently and for a moment got no response from him whatsoever. Then suddenly it was as if the floodgates inside him came crashing open. He captured her lips and kissed her with an overwhelming passion, a passion she’d never known in her life. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against him. He moaned against her and his tongue plunged hungrily into her mouth. She began to feel a little dizzy. She’d never been kissed like this, never felt anything like this. It was just a kiss but it was the most emotionally fulfilling, sexually thrilling moment of her life. She was tingling everywhere. She was more aroused than she had ever been before. Her heart was pounding so loud and so fast, it was all she could hear. His hand slipped under her shirt and he started stroking her stomach lightly. His touch felt like fire against her bare skin. How could anything feel so good? She actually cried out into his mouth from the sensation. She never, ever wanted this kiss to end. xxxxx He was kissing Scully. Actually kissing her. God help him, he couldn’t stop. It was too good. Too much. There were reasons he shouldn’t be doing this but for the life of him he couldn’t remember what they were. She tasted so sweet. And the sounds she was making, the way she was writhing around in his arms, were making him absolutely crazy. She was horny as hell. And it was making him hot. Too hot. The angle they were at was becoming a little awkward so she climbed into his lap, he supposed so she could reach his mouth better. It was too much. He gasped as her bottom made contact with the erection straining against his pants. This was bad. But God it was good. And very, very bad. He was going to end up fucking her on the steps of the Jefferson Memorial in front of a group of Japanese tourists if they didn’t stop soon. People were already starting to stare. He tore his mouth reluctantly away to try and speak to her. “Scully...” She ground against him and he buried his face in the crook of her neck, biting the skin there to keep from screaming. She grabbed the back of his head and pressed in the direction of her breasts. No. This had to stop. Jesus, it had to stop right now. “Scully.” He pulled his head from her grasp and looked at her face. Her skin was red with flush and her lips were parted. She was panting. Christ, she was panting. Her eyes were as wild as he felt. “Scully, we can’t...this...here...I...” She laughed breathlessly. “No, I guess we can’t. You wanna get out of here Mulder? Maybe go back to my apartment?” She stroked his face and gave him a look he’d been waiting for from her for a million years. “Um, Scully...” He had no idea how much further she wanted to take this. And he knew he couldn’t turn her down, no matter how far that was, no matter how wrong it was. “Mulder, I want you. I want to be with you. I want you to make love to me.” “Oh...Scully. God.” She leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Do you want that Mulder? Do you want me?” He wondered how she could even ask. The evidence of his want was pressing into her backside. “I wa...yes. I want that. I want you. Scully. I want you so much. But I think....” What did he think? He couldn’t tell her that she was too young for him, that it wasn’t their time yet, that he was a pervert for even kissing her in the first place. She wouldn’t understand that. She would think he was rejecting her. But he couldn’t take advantage of her in this state. It was probably just overworked teen-aged hormones at work. He needed to give her a chance to cool down, to think about it rationally, and God knew he needed a chance to do that. “I think maybe we should think about it some Scully. Talk about it some.” “Talk?” she muttered, starting to place delicate kisses on his neck. “Y...yeah, you know...um, make sure that it’s really what you wa...” he broke off into a moan as she shifted against him and licked the sensitive spot behind his ear. She sure wasn’t making this easy. “It’s what I want,” she whispered into his ear. “Scully, you th...think it is bu...” “I don’t think. I know.” She ran her fingers over his biceps and under the sleeves of his shirt and started kissing his neck more aggressively, licking him and biting. His hands squeezed at her waist involuntarily and he groaned in frustration. “We...we’ve gotta um, go...away...” A group of teenage girls walked past them on the steps, giggling and Mulder thought he saw a woman covering her little boy’s eyes. They really were making a scene here and it was only bound to get worse. “Sc...Scully, gotta go...” She interrupted him with another kiss and he lost himself in it, forgetting where they were and who he was for a blessed moment. He realized there was only one way he was going to get her off these damn steps. He stood up and carried her down. He ignored her muffled protests and the stares of the tourists and took her all the way back to the sidewalk. Then he placed her down on her feet next to him. She looked at him questioningly. “We’ve gotta go Scully.” “To my apartment then?” her tongue darted out to moisten her lips and he almost groaned again. “I dunno, we need...you need...we should think about it a little.” He couldn’t miss the disappointed look in her eyes, the pout on her mouth. It made him want to sob. He was letting her down again. But in the long run, it would be better for her. They walked through the city and he tried not to touch her, tried not to look at her. Tried to ignore the throbbing need between his legs. He couldn’t do this. It wouldn’t be right. The more he thought about it the more he knew it to be true. She had only known him a couple of weeks. There was no way she could have fallen in love with him in such a short time and he wouldn’t feel right about being with her this way unless he knew that she loved him. She was young and he was a new, exciting person in her life. That was why she wanted this and he refused to take advantage of that. Even though he wanted her more than anything in the world. It wasn’t fair to her. Besides that, getting involved with him romantically was bound to hurt her in the long run. That’s why he had avoided it the first time around. He ran through the arguments as they walked in the futile not horny attempt. They made sense. They were logical and appropriate. But they didn’t make her look any less alluring in her tight jeans and tank top and cute little pig tails, they didn’t make all the blood in his body stop rushing directly to his cock when he stood near her, they didn’t make him love her any less than he always had and, in the long run, they wouldn’t be able to keep him away. Unless she stopped wanting him. Either way, he needed to give her time to decide that this was what she wanted. Or didn’t want. It was too soon. She needed time. end part 5 ******** Scully was also thinking about time. Wasting time. That’s what they were doing, walking around, trying not to want each other. And for what purpose? She wasn’t about to change her mind. She had thought about this. She had thought about it long and hard. It wasn’t a decision she took lightly. She’d been waiting for this. Waiting for the right man and the right time and she was sure now that this was it. It was strange, she had said no to so many boys. Boys she had known for a much longer time than Mulder. But she hadn’t loved those boys. She hadn’t been sure. She hadn’t felt the connection. With anyone else, ever. That connection was strong enough to make her utter a statement she’d never thought herself capable of making. “I want you to make love to me.” God, she had actually said that. With anyone else she would have been too embarrassed to ever say those words. She was simultaneously thrilled and frightened that he had driven her to that. By the time they reached Mulder’s car she was even more convinced that this was right. She needed to let him know how she felt. That would convince him. If he knew she loved him, he would be okay with this, he would know it was really what she wanted. And maybe, just maybe, he would say it back to her. She was absolutely petrified. She’d never said those words to anyone but her mother and sister. And she’d been certain they would say it right back. She had a strong sense that Mulder did love her. How could any man kiss her like that and not love her? But whether he would say it was another issue. They sat in the car together for a moment in silence. They were alone now. Alone in a dark car. She could hear him breathing. She could smell him. She could almost smell her own arousal. He sat in the driver’s seat saying and doing nothing, just staring out the window and into space. “Mulder?” “Sorry. I was just thinking.” He turned the key to start the engine but she reached over to stop him. “It’s all right. Don’t go yet. There’s something...I’ve gotta...I need to tell you something.” “Scully...” “It’s important Mulder. I need to tell you.” He bit his lower lip and continued to stare out the window. He seemed nervous. Even more so. “Mulder I know this is strange. I know that you’re not supposed to feel this way so soon after meeting each other. But I can’t help it. I just feel this connection to you and it’s so strong. I just can’t ignore it. And I...” “Scully please!” He looked like he was in pain. He sounded on the verge of tears. And he still wasn’t looking at her. He knew what was coming. It was obvious that he didn’t want to hear it. But she couldn’t stop now, not when she was so close. “I just want you to know that...” “Scully. Don’t.” He sounded positively frantic, desperate for her to stop. “I love you Mulder. I just...I just love you.” She let out the deep breath she’d been holding and turned to him. He squeezed his eyes shut and slammed his head into the back of the seat. Not exactly the response she’d been hoping for. He looked more miserable than she’d ever seen him. He didn’t love her. What had she done? God what kind of fool had she just made of herself? Throwing herself at her only real friend, telling him she loved him. He probably never wanted to see her again. He was silent for a long time and she continued to berate herself mentally. What a fool she was, what a total moron. She had ruined everything. Why had she even kissed him? She felt tears welling inside her after a few more minutes of silence and was about ready to ask him to just drop her off at home as quickly as possible. She wouldn’t cry in front of him. She wouldn’t let him see what he was doing to her. “Scully, you don’t.” What? She couldn’t have heard that right. He couldn’t have possibly said that. But he had, and he finally opened his eyes, faced her and continued. “You think you do, maybe you want to, but you don’t. Not really. You don’t really know me Scully. Not all of me. Not the bad stuff, just the stuff I’ve let you see. You don’t know the kind of person I can be, who I really am.” Her total despair was rapidly being replaced by overwhelming anger as he spoke. Her chest tightened and she felt like she might actually strike him. How dare he? How dare he question her feelings, presume to know how she felt better than she did? How DARE he? “You son of a bitch,” she growled through clenched teeth. “What?” “I open myself up to you, tell you something I’ve never told anyone before in my entire life, lay my heart on the table for you to cut to pieces, give you every ounce of trust I have and all you can do is sit there like a jack ass and tell me I’m wrong, that I don’t know how I feel. What do you think I am? Some kind of fucking kid? Fuck you!” She was crying now. Stupid bastard had made her cry again. She couldn’t remember ever yelling at someone like that. It was supposed to make her feel better but it only made her feel a hundred times worse. “No, Scully, I don’t think that. I just don’t think...” He reached out his hand to touch her face and she swatted it away. “Fuck you! I don’t care what you think. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me? Fuck you.” “I have some idea. Scully...please...” “Please what?” He just looked at her with that stupid expression. “Please what damn you!” “I...uhmm.” He reminded her of a deer caught in the headlights. Total panic. His mouth hanging open and his eyes wide with terror. She would show him. She had to show him. He was wrong, not her. “You think I don’t know what I feel? You think I don’t know what I’m talking about? I’ll show you how I feel you self-righteous little shit.” She took his face in her hands, ran her nails up into his scalp and dug deep into the flesh, and she kissed him. Again. God help her. She didn’t know what the hell was making her do this but something told her it was the only way. She kissed him with all the anger and all the love she had in her. She pried his lips apart with her tongue and with a helpless whimper he let her in. Their tongues met in a dance of fury and need. Their tears fell and mingled in each others mouths. She climbed aggressively onto him for the second time and straddled him in the seat. He was hard again and she ground into him wantonly causing them both to gasp. His hands groped in the air blindly before clutching the back of her shirt. The sound of sniffling and panting and moaning filled the car. She felt his tongue touch the back of her throat and she knew that she had him. She pulled back then, breaking the kiss and leaving him open mouthed and breathless. “So. What do you think of that?” she asked, surprised that she could still speak at this point. “I...huumm...Scully...” “Do you still think I’m wrong? Do you think I could kiss you like that if I didn’t love you? Even after what you just did?” His mouth opened and closed wordlessly. She grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled on it violently. “Do you? Answer me!” “I...I dunno Scully.” Damn him. Damn him to hell. She was starting to hate him. He gave her a goofy grin and spoke again. “I...I do know one thing though. I don’t think you would’ve called me a self-righteous little shit if you didn’t love me.” Jesus H. Christ. He really was fucked in the head. She knew that. And she loved him. She didn’t care. She kissed him again. xxxxx Mulder was not generally the most sane individual. But he was certain that by now, he was certifiable. Again. She wanted to have him, right here in the car. She was rocking against him almost constantly now in a way that was going to make him embarrass himself damn soon if she didn’t stop. She was kissing him again with that amazing, talented mouth of hers and running her hands all over his chest and arms. And he was about ready to shoot himself in the head. If he had to pry her squirming little body away from him one more time it was going to drive him over the edge. She was making him crazy. She loved him. She really did. He didn’t doubt that for a second anymore. He’d never seen Scully lose it like that about anything. Somehow, she had fallen in love with him. Somehow he had accomplished in two weeks what he had spent nearly ten years trying to do. And it was too much for his resolve to withstand. She loved him. She wanted to make love to him. Who the hell was he to refuse her anymore? He was only hurting her by denying her what she seemed to want so badly. And he had vowed never to see her hurt again. But this wasn’t the place for it. Not for Scully. Not in a car in the middle of downtown DC. Not with her back pressed into the steering wheel and her leg crushed between him and the door. It needed to be right. It needed to be special. He felt her hands at his waist, pulling frantically at the bottom of his shirt, and he grabbed them. “MmmScully...no...” “What? What the hell Mulder?” “We..it’s...we have to go.” He wondered how many times they were going to be forced to repeat this little scene tonight. “Mulder, no. I want you now.” She tried to pull her wrists out of his grip but he refused to let her go. God only knew where she was going to try to touch him next. “Mulder what is your problem?” She looked like she was getting angry and upset again. “I just...I want...I...” She was still moving on top of him and he was finding it difficult to speak at all, let alone turn her down again. “What Mulder? Tell me what you want. I’ll do it. I’ll do anything.” Jesus. “Nice. Want it to be nice. Comfortable. Private, Scully.” “Mmm...this is nice...” she mumbled into his neck as she started kissing him there again. “N...not...oohh...God...n...nice...e..nough.” He pushed her backwards by her arms and into the steering wheel. “Please. Scully...please. Lemme take you home,” he panted breathlessly. She took a deep breath and let it out. “Mulder, you are too much of a gentleman for your own damned good.” xxxxx As they drove back to her apartment, Mulder prayed that he wouldn’t get pulled over. He was driving at almost twice the legal speed limit. His fingers were trembling on the steering wheel. He felt like his entire body was throbbing with need. He couldn’t even bear to look over at her. Every time he did she gave him a secret, dirty smile and his fingers twitched anxiously, ready to drive the car into a ditch just to be able to touch her again. He dared to meet her eyes and almost veered off into a tree. She was so beautiful. He was going to take her home and make love to her. To Scully. He was going to make love to Scully. Scully wanted him. Scully loved him. It made him ache. “Mulder?” “Hum?” He was afraid. What was she going to say now? What was she going to do to him next? She was just full of surprises tonight. “There’s um...something I haven’t told you. Something you should probably know before we do this.” He risked another look at her. She looked troubled and nervous. “What is it Scully?” She sighed and looked away from him. “I dunno how you’re gonna feel about this Mulder.” He couldn’t think of a thing in the world that she could possibly tell him to make him feel any differently about her. Not one single thing. He reached between them and took her hand. He intertwined his fingers with hers on top of her thigh. Her thigh was warm. “Scully, it’ll be fine. Whatever it is.” She bit her lip and squeezed his hand. “Mulder I’m kind of...um...not really very experienced with this. I mean...I’m uh, I’m kind of a virgin.” Oh shit. Oh Jesus. He glanced quickly at her again. She was blushing and staring out the window. A virgin? He had thought she might be before tonight but the way she’d been acting earlier, so aggressive and...sexual, it didn’t even seem possible. Then he realized, that was for him. That was because of him. She’d obviously never been like that with anyone else before because if she had she sure as hell wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. Any other man probably would have fucked her back at the monument for Christ’s sake. This was all for him. She wanted to give him her virginity. It made him happy enough to cry. It turned him on impossibly more. But how could he take that from her? “And I’m...I’m not just talking normal virginity here Mulder. I mean I’ve never...the most I’ve ever done is give a guy a hand job and that was only a couple times. I’ve never...” She swallowed loud enough for him to hear it. Her palm was slick with sweat. “I’ve never even had an orgasm Mulder,” she whispered. God. Oh God. Why was this making him so hot? What the fuck was wrong with him? This wasn’t right. Not at all. Never had an orgasm? He found the thought almost inconceivable. “Scully...” His voice was unnaturally high pitched. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Scully...I don’t...I think...um, maybe this isn’t the best idea. I mean, maybe we shouldn’t really do this...” Her hand slipped out of his and he saw a tear trail down her cheek. Her lower lip was trembling. Dammit. Goddammit! How many times had he made her cry tonight? It had to be a fucking world’s record of stupidity. “Scully...” “Sure Mulder. Whatever. I get it. You don’t wanna do it with a stupid virgin. It’s okay. That’s why I told you in the first place, so you could get out of it if you...” Her voice cracked and she turned completely away from him towards the passenger side window. “Scully, no. That’s...God, that’s not it. Not at all. Jesus, don’t you realize what an attractive quality that is?” He groped around for her hand in the dark but she had taken it completely away. Why did he have to hurt her all the time? When would it finally be enough? “Attractive,” she snorted. “Right, so what’s the problem then?” “The problem...” He lifted his hand to stroke what he could reach of her face and she jerked away. “Scully, the problem is that I don’t want to take something from you that you might not be ready to give. I just want you to be sure. I just...” “Dammit Mulder!” She turned back to him finally. “I AM sure. Why do you have to second guess me like that? I’m sure Mulder. This isn’t something I take lightly. I’ve thought about this a lot and I want it to be you. Why is this all so hard for you to accept Mulder? I’m not a child!” “I...I know that Scully. Look, if, if you want this then so do I but, all I’m saying is we can take it a little slow. I mean, we don’t have to do everything tonight.” “So...so you still wanna be with me then?” The way she asked him that broke his heart. “Of course I do Scully, of course. I just, like I said, I just think it’s okay to take it slow. I mean, there are lots of ways to make love Scully. Lots and lots of ways.” She slipped her hand back in his and he felt right again. “I want you to show me all of them Mulder. I want you to show me everything.” His foot twitched harder on the accelerator. He was going to come in his pants if they didn’t get home soon. “Mulder, how many women have you been with?” God, he didn’t even know how to begin answering that question. Who should he include? Only those before 1982 or everyone? Before 1982 was a very short list. Amy from his first year at Oxford and Phoebe. But was it entirely honest to tell her that it was just those two? “Um...two.” Not entirely honest but probably less frightening to her than the actual number. It was close enough for now. “Two? Really? That’s all?” “Y...yeah.” “That’s not very many.” “Um...” he shrugged and laughed nervously. “No, I mean that’s okay. I mean it’s good really. It’s just fewer than I thought. But I’m glad. I...I wouldn’t want you to be too experienced or anything. I mean I...I wouldn’t want to have too much to measure up to or anything.” “Scully, I promise you, you have nothing to worry about. Nothing. No one has ever been as special to me as you.” That was something he could say in complete honesty, no matter what the situation. “Well, I just hope I don’t disappoint you.” “Oh, Scully,” he pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers lightly. “You never could. Never.” end part 2