Author: Rachel Anton E-Mail: RaValliano@aol.com Rating: NC-17 Category: S Keywords: MSR Spoilers: Small Chinga, nothing huge. Disclaimer: Still don't own these characters. Don't think I ever will. Oh well :( Summary: What does Mulder want out of his life these days? Author's note: This is just my take on a very old theme. Let me know how you like it. I am not a weekend person. I know. Big shock. I've just never been one of those people who sits in their office on Friday afternoon, climbing the walls and watching the clock, desperate for escape, for leisure time. I don't do leisure time. The concept has always eluded me. The truth is I don't know what to do with it. I used to spend my weekends doing research, following leads down dead ends, basically doing the same thing I did all week at work. But I can't do that anymore. Not alone. The motivation just isn't there. Sometimes there is an actual need to work. Sometimes a case needs attention and we have to spend the weekend investigating. Sometimes there is a backlog of paperwork and we have to spend Saturday and Sunday doing that. Those are good weekends. Not like this weekend. This weekend there is nothing. Nothing to come between me and my leisure time. Fucking great. Wanna hear what I've done so far? Too bad. I'm going to subject you to the list anyway. It is now Saturday. Seven p.m.. Since I left work Friday afternoon I have fed my fish twelve times, watched five unmentionable videotapes, bounced a basketball three hundred consecutive times on the table in my living room, cleaned out my sock drawer and played, and won, thirty- six games of computer solitaire. What a life. Notice anything missing from that pathetic assortment? Thought you might. That's right. I haven't called her once. Not one single time. And I am damned proud of myself. I have to say its taken every ounce of restraint I have not to. But I haven't. She asked me not to. Told me not to. And I want to listen. I want to do what she asks because she asks it and I don't want to make her unhappy. I don't want to drive her insane, to drive her away from me, and if she wants space I need to respect that. Even though it is driving me absolutely crazy. How long has it been since I heard her voice? Almost twenty-six hours. And I am already edgy and jittery, like a junkie in withdrawal. Is that what its come to? Is this what I've become? Totally pathetic. I understand her need for time to herself. Really I do. Everyone needs time to themselves. Right? It keeps you healthy. It keeps you sane. Right? So why don't I need it anymore? I used to need it constantly. I used to hate being inconvenienced by the presence of other people. They got in the way. Disrupted my thoughts. So why is it different now? Why do I feel so aimless, so desperately lonely when she's not around? The fact that she is so anxious to get away from me only makes this whole thing more embarrassing. What am I supposed to tell her when she demands that I don't call her? Am I supposed to beg? Is that the deal? Jesus what ever happened to my masculinity? If you find it let me know. Alright this pacing around the apartment thing is getting old. Time for a new task. Maybe I'll clean the grout in my tub. I'll bet she never gets grout. As I am digging through the closet in the hallway, trying in vain to find some kind of cleaning implement, I am startled to the point of jumping by the sound of the telephone. I am tempted to let the machine pick it up. There is no one who it could possibly be that I want to talk to. But still, even Frohike would be better than bathroom fixtures. "Hello." Silence. Long silence. Except for the sound of breathing. Great. I don't even want to know what this is about. "Hello?" "Um...hi." My first response to hearing her voice is absolute panic. Why would she call? Something must have happened. And nothing good ever happens to us. "Scully, what is it? What's wrong?" "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I just...um..thought I um..." She sounds totally flustered. Worry starts to give way to amusement. She doesn't even know why she called. She just did. "Scully? You there?" "Um yeah...yeah I'm here. Um..whatcha doin?" "Just cleaning some grout. How about you?" "I was just sort of thinking. Nothing really." "Scully is it Monday already?" "Huh?" "Thought I was a persona non grata till then." I can't help the wisecrack. And I can't help the huge smile spreading across my face either. Maybe "some time to myself" is working out for her as well as it is for me. "Well um...I actually needed to ask you about something." "Oh really? What's that?" I think I can actually hear the wheels turning in her little head, trying to concoct some kind of excuse, a reasonable explanation. Maybe it will be something about work. Or maybe she thinks she left something important in my apartment. I can't wait to hear what she comes up with. "Um I was just thinking that...I was just...Mulder what do you want out of your life?" Okay, this I was not expecting. The truth. This is actually why she called. It is such a tremendous question, asked in such a random and unexpected fashion that I am at a complete loss. What exactly IS she asking me? And why? "I'd like to see the Jets win the Superbowl someday." Good one jack ass. You're such a laugh riot. "Mulder..." I sit on the couch and turn off the television. This is definitely a sit down conversation. "Sorry Scully, I'm just not really sure how to answer that." "I'm sorry. I know it's a weird question. I was just sitting here thinking and I just...I just wondered. I mean I used to know." Yes, she did. I told her the first time I met her. My sister, the truth, answers. I told her it was all that mattered to me. We both know things are different now. I have been waiting for this conversation for a long time. What matters to you now Mulder? What do you want? Doesn't she know? She sounds sad. And a little lost. I suppose she doesn't know. Or maybe she does and it makes her sad because she can't give it. "Well Scully, do you want the truth?" "Of course I do." Of course I can't tell her the truth. Not the whole truth anyway. But I suppose if I left her name out... "What do I want out of my life?" I take a deep breath in preparation. "Um...actually it's not as unusual as you might think Scully. I'd really just be happy to have...someone. I'd like to be able to have someone I could hold who would feel safe in my arms. Someone who loved me and needed me, who I could protect and cherish, who could share everything with me..." She makes a tiny little sound, a...a moan? Could that be what that was? What was that sound? No it must have been my imagination. So I continue. "I mean when I picture my ideal life now Scully, the only thing I can see is lying next to...someone...and wrapping my arms around her, knowing that she is happy just to be there with me, knowing that she has faith in me and that she trusts me with her heart." "Mulder..." There is a strange silence between us for a moment. What is she thinking? Does it make her happy to know this? Sad? Does she pity me? "How?" "What? What do you mean?" "H...how are you holding her? Describe the picture in your head to me." Whoa. This is getting really dangerous here. I'm starting to get very nervous. But I have to tell her. How can I refuse? "Um...okay. We're lying here on my couch and we're in pajamas, well I'm in sweatpants, she's in pajamas. Fuzzy flannel pajamas. She looks warm and comfortable. We're under the blanket. Her head is resting on my chest, right under my chin. She's sleeping. And when I look down at her she has the most beautiful peaceful smile. And I know it's there because of me. That I make her feel safe and happy and content." "Where are your arms?" This is little more than a whisper. What in God's name is happening here? "One...one of my arms is around her back, holding her against me. The other one is..." I swallow. My throat is suddenly very dry. "The other one is clutching her hair. Her arms are wrapped around my stomach and our legs are so tangled up that I can barely tell where she ends and I begin. I'm holding her so tight against me that I can feel every beat of her heart. I bury my face in her hair and it's so soft, it smells so good..." Steady boy. That's enough already. Another sound. That was definitely a moan. Or something. What is this? Is she crying? God I hope she's not crying. Please know that I'm talking about you Scully. Please know that I could never have that, never want that with anyone else. When she finally speaks her voice is breathless and...something. Something I've never heard in her before. "Is that...is that a fantasy you have Mulder?" A what? What IS that in her voice? Something is happening here. She sounds almost...seductive. A fantasy? Quite a choice of words there Scully. Jesus. I try to match her sultry tone of voice but my next words are as high pitched and squeaky as an adolescent boy. "Well that depends what you mean by fantasy Scully." That's not even true to be honest with you. No matter how she is defining fantasy, that is one. In fact just talking about it made me hard. And then that moan. God. Let's just say I am a bit...enthusiastic at the moment. "I just mean...ooh" her voice drifts off for a moment and all I hear is her breathing (panting??) into the receiver. "I dunno." She mutters quickly. My hand is on my dick. How did it get there? Please don't ask me. I don't know. "Scully? Are you all right?" Am I all right? What the hell is happening? "I'm...fine" Of course. She's fine. And this is completely normal. Whatever keeps you sane Scully. "Yeah." "Yeah wha...?" "Yeah it's a fantasy I have. You wanna hear another one?" Oh my God. OHMYGOD. What the fuck am I doing? I seriously hope that we are on the same page here or I am about to make a colossal ass of myself. But how could we be? Could she be...no. No. This is not happening. I feel like I'm in a car with no brakes, careening out of control suddenly and randomly. She still hasn't responded to that. I can't hear her breathing anymore either. Maybe she was so disgusted that she hung up on me. How could I blame her? Jeez what the hell was I thinking asking her that? Of course she doesn't want to hear another one. She's not a fucking pervert like me. Her voice almost startles me. "I don't....yeah. Yeah I do." Oh. Oh wow. Okay. Her voice. Same page. There is no mistaking that voice. At least I don't think there is. Please God don't let this be a misread. Please. Okay superstud, now you've gotta think of another one. A good one. One that she might actually like. One that won't make her throw up. Unfortunately I already told her the nice one. The rest are pretty nasty. God what was I thinking asking her that? I am suddenly gripped by an almost paralyzing fear. What am I supposed to say to her? Should I tell her one of my real fantasies? Or make something up that she would be into? What would she be into? What the fuck am I doing? God she is gonna hate me no matter what I say. Maybe I can plead temporary insanity and she will forget about it. I am so terrified I'm actually starting to shake and sweat. "Mulder?" My free hand squeezes involuntarily at my crotch at the sound of her voice. Yeah I'm scared. But Jesus how could I not be turned on by this? Well Mulder fight or flight, what's it gonna be? Lust or fear? Who has more power over your soul? "Mulder are you...are you gonna tell me?" Her. She wins. Hands down. She wants this. God she really does. Instinct tells me to make it real. Honesty got me into this in the first place. Might as well continue. "I'm sleeping in my apartment, naked on the couch." "No." No? "Huh?" "You don't sleep naked. You sleep in your underwear." Leave it to Scully. No suspension of disbelief for her. Even in a fantasy. It would make me laugh if it didn't turn me on so much to know that she knows what I sleep in. That she's thought about it. "Okay Scully. I'm sleeping in my underwear in my apartment." "Which ones?" "Black. Calvin Klein boxer briefs." "Mmmm kay." God her voice is so fucking sexy. What the fuck? No one should be able to sound like that. I only hope mine is passable for her. I try to make the next part slower. Quieter. More erotic? I sure as hell hope so. "Kay. I'm awakened by something cold and sharp digging into my wrists. I open my eyes but everything is black. I try to move my hands but I can't. They're behind my back and bound." I pause for a moment. Just to make sure. Give her one last chance to say "what the fuck are you doing Mulder" and hang up on me. She's breathing quickly. She says nothing. "I'm afraid for a moment. And disoriented. I have no idea what's happening. And then I hear someone pacing around the couch. The click of her heels on the wood floor, the smell of her perfume. Her laughter when she sees me struggle." "Do you know her?" Oh Jesus Scully. Are you kidding me? How can you not know. "Yeah, yeah I know her. I know her well enough to give her a set of keys to my apartment. Keys that she used to sneak in tonight, to play this game with me." She makes a muffled noise. I wonder what she's using to stifle her groans. A pillow? Is she in bed? "Wh..what then?" "I sit up and ask her what she thinks she's doing. She laughs at me again. Then she leans in close, I feel her hair brushing against my shoulder as she whispers in my ear 'Do you trust me?'. Of course she knows I do. But I am still afraid. I'm completely powerless, vulnerable, at her mercy." Her small "oh" starts my hand to sliding up and down over my jeans. "She runs her fingernails over by bare chest, my shoulders. Her touch is featherlight but it's enough to turn me on. It's enough to make me hard. She orders me to stand up. I stagger to my feet and she leads me away from the couch, to the middle of the floor. I feel her hands slip under the waistband of my underwear. For a moment I think she is going to touch me. I want it so bad. But she doesn't. She pulls them off and steps back. I can sense her staring at me. Taking in every inch of flesh. Devouring me with her eyes." "Oh...Mulder." Her breath is coming in short little pants now. I can't believe I am doing this. Oh my God I can't believe we are doing this. "Scully, you wanna know what she does next?" "Mmm...yeah." "Yeah?" "God yeah." I have to unzip my jeans. I have to slip my hand inside and take out my cock. I don't even have a choice anymore. "She pushes me down to my knees in front of her. I can smell the sweetness, I can almost taste her. She must be naked. Or at least have that part of herself exposed. She digs her nails into my hair and pulls me to her, burying my face between her legs. I slide my tongue through her folds. I know how she likes it. I want to please her. It's all I want. She cries out and grinds herself into my face. She's so wet. She tastes so good. She starts to tremble as I flick my tongue back and forth over her clit, faster and faster." She lets out a long, low moan and I start to stroke myself a little faster. "It makes me so hot to be doing this to her. I want to touch myself but I can't. My hands are still restrained. I struggle against the cuffs but there's no point. She is gasping and clutching me to her. I can tell that she's about to come." "God...Mulder." Sorry baby, not yet. "Suddenly she pushes me away from her." She makes a disappointed, questioning, yelping sound. "She tells me to stand again and she takes me to one of the kitchen chairs. She pushes me into the hard cold seat and I feel something tightening around my ankles. She ties them to the legs of the chair. Now I can't move at all. She moves around behind me and runs her tongue over my ear. I growl hungrily and strain my neck to be closer to her mouth. I need her mouth. I want to kiss her so bad. Finally she lets me but only for a moment. Only long enough for her to taste herself on me, to slide her tongue over my lips and between my teeth. Then she moves back to my ear. She whispers to me. She asks me if I want her to fuck me. But she knows the answer to that already. All I can do is moan in response. She laughs again and slides her fingertips over my chest, then my legs. I can't tell where she is anymore. All I feel is her fingers stroking my skin, so lightly. God I want more. More I tell her, please more." Scully is moaning almost constantly now. And I am getting more and more swept up into the pictures in my head, the sounds she is making. I grip myself tighter and move faster. I'm getting close. Christ I can't fucking believe this. "Suddenly I feel her tongue teasing my flesh, tasting me everywhere. Finally I feel it swirl around the head of my cock and it feels so good. I'm seeing stars. And I need more and I try to jerk into her mouth but she's tied me tight and I can't move at all. Then she's gone and I sob in frustration. I can't feel her anywhere and I don't know where she is. For a minute I'm terrified that she's gone, that she's left me here like this. But...but I know she wouldn't. I know that in my heart. You know why Scully?" "B...because you" her voice is trembling and she needs to take a deep breath before continuing, "you trust her." "Because I trust her. And then she's back. I feel her again, over me. Her hands are behind me on the back of the chair and her legs are on either side of me. Slowly, so slowly, she lowers herself down on me. And she's everywhere, she's surrounding me and I'm filling her and it feels so good. God nothing has ever felt so good. She starts moving, slowly sliding up and down. She's so hot, so tight, and she's moaning and calling out my name. I want to move, I wanna go deeper, harder, but I can't. And I start begging her to please, please let me go so that I can pound into her the way I need to and she just laughs again." "Ooohh oh Mul...Mmmm...Mulder..." "Then she starts to move faster herself, to take me all the way in and all the way back out again...God...harder and faster." "Yeah...oh yeah." "And I need to see her. I need to see her face when she comes Scully. I ask her to take the blindfold off, to please let me look at her. I can barely speak because I am so lost in the feel of her but she knows what I want. She always knows what I want. She slides her fingers under the cloth and then there is brightness and confusion and then I see...God you're so beautiful Scully. So fucking beautiful." Shit. Shitshitshit. "Oh God...oh my God...Mulder." She likes it. She's not mad. Keep going. Jesus man keep going. "You take my face in your hands and kiss me again, freely this time, and hungrily. I capture your scream of pleasure in my mouth as you start to tremble around me. I feel you tightening and clenching, bringing me deeper inside and I...I..." "What? You what?" She is urgent, desperate almost. "Scully where are you?" I need to know. I can't go on this way. I need it to be real, acknowledged. I need to see her in my mind. I need to really talk to her. Before I come. Before she comes. "What do you...my house Mulder." "I know. Where?" "Oh...oh, I'm in..in the living room." "Tell me more Scully. Tell me everything. Please." "I um...oh God I can't...mmm..I'mmm, I'm on the floor. I'm...my head is resting on the cushions of the couch and I'm sitting on the floor. My knees are bent and my legs are spread and I..." "Are you naked?" "Mmm...no. I'm wearing a T-shirt. It's white." "What else?" "That's all." "Panties?" "Not...not anymore." "God...Scully." I can see her there. I can see her so clearly. God I wanna be there. I wanna be there so fucking badly. "Tell me what you're doing Scully." " My eyes are closed. I'm holding the phone with one hand and the other hand is between my legs. I'm alternating between sliding my fingers in and out of myself and rubbing over my clit." "I'll bet you're real wet huh?" "Oh...yeah, yeah I am." "You gonna come soon Scully?" God I hope so cause I sure as hell am. "God Mulder...yeah, yeah. What..what about you? Tell me about you." "I'm sitting on the couch, my head is back, eyes open. I'm in jeans and nothing else. They're unbuttoned and I'm holding my cock in my hand, stroking myself. I'm holding it up, away from my stomach, towards the ceiling. I'm hard Scully...so hard, for you, because of you." "Mulder...I'm...God I'm gonna come Mulder." "Yeah...me too, me too. Come for me Scully. I wanna hear it. I wanna hear you." "I want you in me Mulder...I want you here...I want...I want you. God I want you." A sob escapes me and I jerk harder into my hand. "Mulder my body...I'm shaking and my hips are...god...rotating and..." her sentence is lost to a resounding cry and I let myself get a little closer, a little further. "Yeah Scully...go with it. Come for me. Come with me Scully. Come with me." My hips rise off the couch uncontrollably pounding into my fist as her voice breaks and she calls out my name. "Scully...I'm throbbing, I'm so close, Scully I..." She is screaming, and crying "Mulder...Mulder I'm coming...oh God Mulder...I love you! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. God!" I call her name frantically into the receiver and explode with a deafening yell. I clutch the phone to me as cum shoots out of my body, straight up into the air and then back down. All over me. Lovely. I am too gone to care though. She is still gasping and whimpering. So am I actually. Christ. Jesus Christ. We don't speak for several minutes. Love. She loves me. She lovesmelovesmelovesme. My head is spinning. My world is off its axis. Where am I? What the hell is happening? "Scully?" "Oh Mulder. What...what the hell just happened Mulder?" "Um..this, this is just a guess but um...I think we just had phone sex." She laughs shakily. Thank God. Thank you God. "That's really a big help Mulder. Thanks." "Did...did you like it Scully?" "Like it? Like.." she laughs again. "Um, you're the detective Mulder. What do you think?" She liked it. She liked it. She loves me. She's half naked on her living room floor. She just masturbated with me. She loves me. Oh my God. "Scully I want to come over." "What?" Her tone is suddenly different, panicked. Of course. Phone sex is one thing. Coming over...that's another ball game altogether. A ball game I am ready to start. Finally. "Mulder I'm not sure...I..." "Scully what you said...when you came Scully..." "Mulder I..." "I'm coming over Scully. Now."