-Nothing is really about YOU...only what you represent. Don't take things personally. Most humans are no different than other mammals, reacting to stimuli in their environment according to the standard rules of behaviour. Look at the reactions from higher mental ground, and you can devise ways to resolve conflict rather than jumping into it.
-Always realize that you are 100% accountable for your own behaviour! You may not be able to change how you feel, but you get to decide how you ACT. Be aware of yourself and your mental processes. You can choose to let someone else's character flaw or poor behaviour slide--it is their failing, not yours. Take the high road.
-Continuous self improvement should be a goal. It's a combination of desire, study, practice, and behaviour modification...you can install just about any trait you see and want (barring some physical limitations, of course).
-Be introspective. Set some time aside each day to reflect on your day, what you did right, what you could have done better...who you are right now, who you hope to be someday. Fearlessly and with complete honesty, look within yourself. A person who is self-aware is already a mile ahead of those who go through life mindlessly, and the value of *conscious living* cannot be overstated.
-Enjoy STILLNESS, and make time for it--even if it is just 10 minutes per day. You deserve it, and your soul requires it to function at its best. Sit quietly, somewhere silent, and just let the world *stop*, if only for a brief time.
-"Seeking" is looking for clues about Life in everything--asking questions, letting others teach you (even if you did not ask for their input, or you are simply learning indirectly by observing them). Taking the ego out of the equation will give a higher perspective.
-When helping other people, ask LOTS of open-ended questions, those that cannot be answered with a simple "Yes" or "No". Remember to factor in "empowerment"--though you may have experience or solutions, people often already possess their own answers. Asking the right QUESTIONS will bring them out. Also, meet people "where they are"--match or mirror their moods/energy, then lead them to a more comfortable or productive place.
-Always allow people to retract words in error--the physical resonance of words brings their meaning to light, and the meaning may not be correct on the first try!
-Always do "the Right thing", regardless of whether the other person deserves it/has earned it. You are accountable to YOU, not them.
-Be a friend even if not reciprocated. Be aware of how your actions can affect others--sending Love to one who has not "earned" it (perhaps the opposite!) can affect their energy and help them come back to their higher self.
-Always forgive. Forgive YOURSELF, too--people do *what they know*, with additional factors like environment and state of mind. Mistakes are inevitable; the important part is to look at them objectively, and reflect on "what did I learn from this" and "how will I do it better the next time"?
-Offer praise and validation whenever possible. Accept others' failures and weaknesses; it doesn't lessen YOU to do so. Caring about someone (regardless of their behaviour) does not automatically imply that you condone their actions.
-If someone wrongs you, it reflects badly upon THEM, not you. Decline their "gift" of negativity, and it does not count against you. Don't let others make you "hard", "tough", or "cold" due to fear or rough handling--sensitivity and awareness are valuable traits, and worth keeping even if it means you get hurt sometimes.
-Attitude is almost everything. SMILE and be open--even on the phone, people will feel it. Be a lighthouse for souls; project positive energy and it will have a tremendous ripple effect. (You can also choose *in advance* whether or not you will like something, most of the time.)
-Focus on what you want in life; visualise it as a reality, make the choices that will lead you closer to it, and it will eventually come to pass.
-Be your own hero. BE the good that you want to see in the world, the things you want to live with and experience. Don't rely on a friend or partner to provide them for you.
-People are affected by the situation/environment, the way we are handled by others, and various other factors. To maximize results when interacting with humans: treat everyone with respect, give benefit of the doubt, go with their momentum rather than against it (albeit while steering them in the best possible direction, and rewarding positive responses!), and shelve your emotions when necessary.
-Appreciate the good points in the person without focusing on their faults. If you are a conscientious, self-aware, and observant person, no one will impress you 100%...get over it. ;-) It's fine to like someone even if you don't like everything they do.
-Pay attention, and appreciate everything...*especially* with spouses, family, and close friends--the very people that many unwittingly take for granted!
-Realize what gives you value as a person, and be true to those things.
-It's okay to be obvious...and honest. Don't drop hints or wait for other people to guess--if you need something, ask; if you like someone, smile; if you appreciate what someone has done, tell them.
-Some of life's graduate lessons are said to be detached love, unconditional love, and a calm, confident humility. Think about what it means to feel these things.
-No one starts out with a full set of abilities; we all have our weak points. Use your strengths to compensate for weaknesses.
-Learn to reduce fear. It is the cause of most aggression and other problems for higher animals--humans included! When something bothers you, figure out why. Confront scary or uncomfortable things at a manageable level, and build your way to where they are no longer an issue.
Humans appear to have two basic emotional drives, and Fear is the opposite of Love. It is hard to act out of your Higher Self, when crippled by Fear...
-Some tips on resolving fears: aim for Understanding, and Perspective. Often, we fear what we do not understand. Learn more about the scary thing! If a person is causing the issue, try to project yourself into their mind, and grasp where they are coming from. (If you were them, how would you handle what you are feeling? This might give insights on resolving the conflict...) Try not to lose sight of the Big Picture; often, fears get blown out of proportion. There are many ways to regain perspective: pull out of yourself and look down on the situation in the Third person, use calming techniques to de-escalate yourself &/or the situation (such as counting deep breaths--4 seconds in, hold for 4 seconds, 4 seconds out, hold for 4 seconds--, or teaching yourself to relax on cue), or alternately you can shut off all emotions until the situation can be dealt with more calmly. (It is entirely possible to install a "switch" for emotions that can be shut off In Case of Emergency. It just takes thought/mental programming and some practice.)
In the end, fear is usually counterproductive. If there is a scary situation and you can do something about it: learn what to do, then just do it! If there is nothing you can do, then worrying or being afraid won't help; just place your trust in the Universe and realize that this too shall pass.
-Remember that true courage is not lack of fear--it is feeling the fear, acknowledging it, letting it pass through you and carrying on along the best possible path in spite of it.
-Tips on dealing with depression: occasional depression is NORMAL. It is the body's desire for some deep "down time". Plowing through every brief spell of depression with drugs or other artificial means will eventually catch up to you! Cut yourself some slack; take a rest. More frequent or severe depression often comes down to low energy levels, due to poor quality diet (remember, fresh fruits and vegetables! research the effects of "live foods"), not enough exercise &/or sunlight, not enough water (most people drink WAY too little), or the vicious cycle of the sugar rush. Sugar is in almost *everything* these days and most people have a cycle of their blood sugar spiking and diving, which can be repaired by avoiding most sugars--including refined flour, potatoes, and many junk foods, even pretzels! Another way out of depression is to raise your emotional energy level by doing something engaging, or by writing down a list of keywords that make you FEEL something...and looking over the list, *feeling* each word, when you are in a funk. Listen to energizing music--music "absorbs" easily as it is already so close to emotion, and can quickly change your brain state.
Unresolved issues can be another cause of depression. Being fearless and honest with yourself, and PROCESSING old issues, is the only real fix. (Friends make good sounding boards for these things ;) and going out for coffee, one-on-one, may make a huge difference!) Unresolved issues are like the IRS--they won't go away, sooner or later you will have to deal with them, and you pay a heavy interest rate on them until you do...so why not *sooner* than later?
-The bad things of the past NO LONGER EXIST...except for in our minds!
-No amount of anger will revise the Past. What's done is done, and moving forward, all you can do is to LEARN from it: be honest about your mistakes, and ask yourself "If something like this happens again, using the skills and abilities of the 'Current Me' instead of the lesser 'Past Me'...what would I do differently?" People *do what they know*, and your past self was simply not as well equipped as you (hopefully) are today.
-Anger tends to get lost in its own emotion. It has a purpose: to motivate us to do better. Denying anger does not make it go away, and there are times when it is perfectly reasonable to be angry! However, angry or not, you are still 100% responsible for your own actions. Accept where you are, feel what you feel, but remember that how you feel does not give you the right to harm others; the situation probably looks MUCH different from their eyes. There are other ways to express anger (such as walking away, engaging in strenuous exercise, and resuming the issue when you have *much* less negative energy attached to it)...and making good choices means that you won't have to repair damages later.
-Occasional arguments are unavoidable...especially when dealing with emotional animals such as humans! Try to get the other person to understand that the two of you need to work *together* on the problem, which is laid out in front of you (external). It doesn't matter who is "right"--what you need, is the *best solution*, the win-win situation. If the other person is determined to butt heads, then aim for an entirely different goal than proving them wrong...for instance, to raise their awareness or to let them vent their frustrations. (I don't "argue"...I "debate". However, not everyone is wired this way, so sometimes you have to give leeway for their emotions.)
-There is a story about a Zen master who tells his student at tea time, "if you drink your tea, I will hit you with this stick. If you don't drink your tea, I will hit you with this stick." The solution is to *take away the stick*! Whenever possible, during a conflict, take away the stick.
-To stay fully functional in a Bad Design (less than perfect world, confronted by people who do not treat you as they should): Live true to YOUR values. Likewise, operate at your own best skill level. What others do or how they respond is rarely your concern.
-You don't have to identify with a species, to study their behaviour & interact with them. (Dog training comes to mind; we are not dogs, yet we understand how they think and what motivates them.) Even if YOU would "never behave that way", you can still learn to grasp the reasons why others might, and how to work around those things.
-It's often very effective to simply work *around* people without hesitation or comment...swerving to avoid obstacles, so to speak. That keeps control of the situation firmly in your hands, rather than depending on other to "do their share" or live up to your expectations. (Why do YOU always have to be the Bigger Person? *Because you can.* In the end, that's in everyone's best interests!)
-Do not expect people to acknowledge when they are wrong...even if they have come to realize it. Many people do not have the self-respect, self-esteem, &/or self-awareness to afford that luxury!
-You can still 'be a friend' to people who do not act the way you believe a real friend should act, in return. Again, it is about being the best You possible, without worrying about validation.
-When someone does not respect *themselves*, it is very difficult for them to respect others.
-Recharge often! (for me, this is listening to Earth's resonant frequency/7.83Hz, spiritual energy work or meditation, completely shutting off my body/total relaxation on cue, & long walks or drives) At the risk of sounding new-agey, chakra or meridian work can be extremely energizing and refreshing as well!
-Try new things. Perhaps melatonin, absinthe, an "energy drink", vitamins...see if they give you anything you can use. (I have managed some pretty wild mood swings, and also rough schedules, with these few tools...) Just don't get excessive with supplements--too much of almost anything is still bad for you. ;)
-Get the left and right hemispheres of your brain to communicate. Some people do this via meditation; I enjoy binaural beats (Hemi-Sync/Holosynch technology) where slightly different musical tones in each ear synchronize your brainwaves.
-Learn about nutrition--even if you don't follow a "healthy diet" per se, know "what does what" to you. Top recommendations: Eat mainly live fruits and vegetables. Fast every now and then, for 1-3 days. (If "real foods" do not interest you and you find yourself needing to tempt your appetite with "junk", it is probably time for a fast. ;)
-Drink enough water. You'd be surprised how much it takes to actually be "enough"(!) and how much better you feel when you're not dehydrated.
-Exercise daily; try to include one "mindful" outdoor walk. (Be IN the present moment, connect fully with nature, and immerse yourself fully in all of the sights, sounds, smells, and feelings.) A good walk can "fix" a lot! Humans are much calmer when they have had enough exercise...and a walk also provides a break from a stressful situation, &/or time to mentally process things. Also, even short periods of sunlight are extremely good for both mind and body.
-Find your limits. Get really cold, really hot, really hungry, really sleepy, and completely physically exhausted at least once! Extremes offer another form of perspective.
-Take an overnight road trip with no rules: where you end up, you end up. What looks interesting, you stop & see. If you drive long enough and feel *good* on the road, after a few hours your brain will likely kick into "introspective" mode, and it's amazing the things it can come up with. :) This is also a great tool for problem-solving. (Eating ONLY healthy foods and drinking lots of water can ensure a road trip where you feel good the whole way, even if it's a really long trip! The negative impact of fast food or junk food is pretty drastic, over the long haul.)
-As much as I hate routines, there are a few things I like to try to do each day: actively observe a few things closely, acknowledge a few things I am thankful for (not including the same stuff every day), take a nap if possible (to "double" the day! and it usually includes a binaural beats "trip" or otherwise shutting down my body & letting my mind off leash), learn at least one cool new thing, take down any important notes, have at least one adventure, do one thing that has a positive impact/makes someone smile, do at least one enjoyable little thing "just for Me" (something that makes the day worthwhile--but then again, I have simple pleasures), take at least one walk outdoors if weather permits, dwell on a deep philosophical or proactive topic, & engage in at least one thing I can really FEEL (hedonistically or emotionally). May not get them all into the same day, but I can try!
-Rules are for people who are unable to reason things out on a case by case basis...or are too intellectually lazy to do so. ;) Understand WHY the rule was created; then you are free to safely break it, by accounting for the pitfalls it was put there to protect you from.
-We live in a world of *possibilities*. There is very little in this world that is concrete or absolute. We develop simultaneously with our actions, Nature and Nurture inextricably linked. Even the things that are "real", depend heavily on our perception of them. We don't feel the ground when we walk, we feel our foot hitting the ground. We don't see things "as they are", so much as we see things as WE are. At the quantum level, it is the *observer* who solidifies possibilities into "realities", which is why thoughts can affect the world. It pays to pay attention to your thoughts, your internal dialogue. It's the reason that the "law of attraction" works, and likely the reason that "happy-go-lucky" people are HAPPY...
-Perhaps the only real difference between Man and all of the other animals, is our ability to imagine "What ISN'T"...and to use these things as data points in our mental equations. We can envision a green ball when we've only ever seen red ones, or ponder "What If there were something that floats on the water like that leaf, but were big enough to hold ME?" This gives us a tremendous advantage.
-"Free Will" may be arguable, but Will itself certainly exists, and can be acted upon...at least, by the one in the Driver's Seat. (If you are not in that position, finding out how to assume it would, in my estimation, be critical!) Being in the Driver's Seat is what separates effective, confident adults from frightened, powerless children. It is the key to true Freedom.
-Make time to read. Reading involves learning, visualising, and exercise for your mind. Unlike television, which is passive programming (and often sensory overload), reading is an active, engaging process. (In fact, dumping television altogether frees up not only vast amounts of time, but also plenty of money—which could be used for more worthy pursuits. ;)
-Keep a focus on learning; it's not just for schoolkids! Learning keeps you young and keeps your mind sharp. The brightest and most interesting people I know are 'lifelong students'.
-Aim to experience a wide variety of perspectives. Each one adds new tools to your problem-solving toolkit.
-Life is NOT anywhere near as difficult as people make it out to be. Step back, look at any difficulties from a higher perspective, and this becomes clear. Life is a classroom, and its "problems" are simply lessons, challenges, and opportunities to become a bigger person.
