How To Piss An Egocentric

50 ways to piss a man off

1- Tell him he's not God. (he probably won't believe you though.)
2- Tell him he's not as good as he thinks in bed.
3- Tell him people don't think he's as handsome as he thinks he is. (if you keep doing it he'll call you a liar.)
4- Ask him what that little red bump on his dick is. (little red bump meaning to be da head)
5- Tell him you don't want to put your hands in his pants.
6- If you do put yer hands down his pants, feel around like you can't find it.
7- If he 'whoops it out' look around and say 'where is it?!' or 'what the hell is that?!'
8- Get him all hot, then tell him your mom told you to go to bed.
9- Strip him down, tie him to something (ie bed), cover him wiff whipped cream, then walk away. (preferably outside though)
10- Tell him his cumcumber looks like a baby carrot.
11- Let him think he's got you all bothered, then tell him all the talking gave you a headache.
12- Kiss him down his body, making him think he's gunna get some, then rite before you get to his dick say 'oh! I was supposed to call *ex's name*. Wait here.
13- Convince him to have kinky sex in public with lots of bondage (somewhere like a theater) and tie him to the seat and go down on him, (make sure you have his car keys if he drove) and say you want some popcorn and walk out of the theater and drive home.
14- Interrupt him whenever he starts telling a tale about himself.
15- Ask him to go to fredricks hollywood (or some kinky sex store) and buy all this stuff that would turn him on, and when he asks what you're gonna do with all this stuff tell him it's for yer boyfriend's birthday.
16- Borrow his car without him knowing and give it back with cumm on the seats. When he asks who did it, tell him if he doesn't know how can you.
17- Tell someone he despises they are beautiful, then turn to him and smile saying, "Uh, you're nice too."
18- Listen to him brag about his size on the phone. When you get him naked look at his waist and with a shocked face ask. "Did it shrink?"
19- Tell him naming his dick is not a turn on.
20- Let him tell you how good you make him feel, then tell him you have still to find a man that would make you feel like that.
21- When he's kissing down your body stop him and tell him he's doing it wrong.
22- While having hot, wild sex, scream out your ex's name (or someone he despises) right before he cumms.
23- When he offers you naked pictures politely decline the offert saying you are only interested in good art.
24- Prove him wrong.
25- When he yells at you for proving him wrong, leave without saying goodbye.
26- When he tells you how tired he is and settles on bed tell him you wanted some. When he bolts up the bed, tell him you changed you mind and turn on your side, snoring.
27- Tell him a guy on TV is ugly. A couple hours later tell him he looks like that guy.
28- When he asks if there is a man in this world who can sweep you off your feet, look up as if thinking then say "Nope."
29- After a couple of minutes turn to him and tell him you reconsidered. Watch as a smile form on his face then say. "Brad Pitt (or some actor/singer) is pretty perfect."
30- When he asks you how he looks, without moving your eyes from whatever you're doing tell him he looks fine.
31- When there are two males in the room, start talking to the other one, limiting your conversation with him with monosylabic (sp?) words
32- Let him talk for minutes on end. When he asks what you think say. "I'm sorry. Did you say something?"
33- Tell him you need a fuck badly. Watch as he gets excited then ask for his best friend's number.
34- Tell him listening to him jerking off on the phone is not the best way to turn you on.
35- Get him really horny (on the pone) and convince him to jack-off while talking to you, and rite after he lets out a loud moan ask 'Was that tweezers I heard clinging in da back ground?!'
36- Rent some gay porn and make him watch it with you.
37- When he gives you the puppy dog eyes, pretend you don't care.
38- Waits until his team is ready to score before sneaking the remote from him and changing the channel. When he yells at you for it, pretend you're gonna cry.
39 - After gettin him all hot and horny crawl on top of him and say 'hunny, can you go out and get me some tampons?'
40- Get to the newspaper first and mess it up, making the sports section misteriously disappear.
41- Get him some cute girly out fits and thongs for christmas or his birthday, for you and tell him you're gonna wear them fer his brother (or someone he hates)
42 - At your house with him there, put candles out everywhere and light a fire, and dim the lights, and when it looks really romantic, tell him to get out because you have a date.
43- Dress up as a school girl and purr and walk sexily in front of him. When he gets hard tell him you're off for your Britney's look alikes contest.
44- When he has his friends over for a football game act really horny and keep teasing him. When his friends leave tell him you're tired from babysitting all day.
45- Tell him if he goes to your mother's for dinner he'll be rewarded later. When you get back and he claims for his reward kiss his forehead and go to sleep.
46- Make it clear with all the letters that he doesn't have all the money his children think he does, isn't as handsome as his mother says he is, doesn't have as many woman as his wife think and finally and mostly important, that he is NOT as good in bed as he claims to be.
47- When he gets all pissy and tells you goodbye,expecting you to whine and complain, say Bye Bye! and act as if it doesn't bother you one bit that he's mad.
48- When he asks you if you ever faked an orgasm look away and change the subject.
49- When he forces the question on you answer with a basic: Practice makes perfection.
50- Ask him if the woman in Baywatch are prettier than you, if he says no, call him a liar, if he says yes, call him a jerk.

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