| Hanging On For Tomorrow Through the tears, the fears, the heartache and the pain Through the struggles, the cries, the never ending rain I was alone…just a shadow in the dark Holding together my broken bleeding heart Through the rows, the shouts, the violence and the fights Through the insults, the dread, the terrifying nights No one was there, to hold my little hand To show me love and to help me understand No, no one was there, was it so very hard to tell That I was breaking down, that I was going through hell? But people are never out for one another They're too selfish to see their child sit and suffer And suffer I did, through so many endless nights Listening to your voices, smashed plates, the fights Wondering if I would ever feel happy once again Wondering if this sadness would grow into more pain And it did…so at the young age of eight I was so full of despair, pain and self-hate That I wished every night that I hadn't been born I wished it so bad, for my world had been torn And none of you knew, you just simply carried on Oblivious that all of my happiness had gone Just writing these words fills my eyes with more tears It reminds me that nothing’s changed over the years For now, even though I know I was never actually to blame For those rows between you two, that filled me with such shame That I was just a little girl, taking the world upon her shoulders Trying to make everything right, battling life like a soldier I still cry, why do I cry? After all it’s all in the past But even though time has moved on, the pain…it still lasts Here I go again blaming myself for feeling this way Maybe today has just been …another terrible day And I know tonight will be the same as every other night I’ll sit alone, I’ll drench my pillows and I’ll struggle with my fight And I know tomorrow will be the same, as every tomorrow that has come So many years have passed me by, but still I come undone Just like the scars that were stitched upon, my bleeding open wrist And just like the images of you standing there, using your bare fist This pain, it just won’t seem to leave, I’m left here suffering alone It curses and haunts me day by day; it chills me to the bone But just like the scars that still sit, upon my cold marked arm Even though I've finally stopped myself from my self harm One day, like the scars I still wear, the pain will fade away One day depression will no longer find another excuse to stay I just hope that day when I’m finally better reaches me very soon Because I don’t know how long I can last like this, my eyes have poured a monsoon So for now, I’ll survive and I’ll hang on for tomorrow And tonight… again, I’ll be drowning out my sorrow I'm in my car Everything was good Everything was fine Who would have thought That this was the last time we would dine. We died there together My best friend and I It happened so fast I didn't have time to cry. Now we're here Waiting in this room Half of it is light But half of it is gloom. An angel came up to us A book in his hand Then I knew where we were I knew this land. The book in his hand Was the Book of Life And behind me in the gloom Was a land of agony and strife. I looked at my friend As she looked at me I knew I was in that book, But was she? We gave our names to the angel As he flipped through the book He smiled at me But gave my friend a sorrowful look. I knew immediately What that look had meant Her name was not in the book So into the gloom she was sent. I cried and cried As she just looked bemused I had tried to tell her She was so confused As she stood there Two men dressed in black came out Out of the gloom and back As they carried her about. I tried to run to her But the angel held me back He spoke to me "It was the love Of Jesus that she lacked." I couldn't believe that she Would suffer in Hell for eternity While I lived forever In the same place as the Trinity. She begged to Jesus As she was dragged off to rot I watched and cried as I her Jesus say to her "Depart from me, I know you not." It was just a whisper But sounded like a yell As she was tossed into darkness My heart fell and fell. Now I live with God... I WONDER: I wonder Why is it that I mean nothing to myself But my lover means all but nothing Why is it that my love means nothing to him But I mean all but nothing Why is it that our love for one another means everything to us But to everyone else it means all but everything Why is it that my best friend means everything to me But she means all but nothing to herself Why is it that I mean everything to my best friend But I mean all but everything to myself Why is it that people who mean everything to themselves Don’t mean anything to anyone else Most of all I wonder Why is it that there are so many people who God means nothing to Still mean everything to him The one I love: The one I love has no boundaries. The one I love has no end. He will love me for eternity, Even when I turn away. He has loved me Since before time began. Ever since the world was created, He has had a plan. He came to earth, As the pure and spotless Lamb. He was captured and tortured As sorrow spread across the land. As he hung up On that cross It seemed as if All hope was lost. Upon that cross He was in so much pain. When he breathed his last It seemed like it would rain. Then he rose From the dead. He's alive Just like the angel said. He lives in me He can live in you. He's calling, He's waiting, he loves you. He died for me, He died for you. He loves everyone, I know this is true. He didn't have to die, He didn't have to save me or you. But he did....Now what will you do? THE SCARE: I got a brand new cut today Slashed right across my face Because he doesn't get things his way He says I’m a disgrace And I ran into the bathroom As my blood dripped to the floor My father came right after me And he banged right on my door But of course I did not open it I had better things to do Like crying on the bathroom floor Wishing this wasnt true Then I looked into the mirror And I stared at a cut face And I wondered who that girl was And when did she take my place A mistake was what I was Just like my father had said But I know thats not what he really meant In other words he wants me dead But is this really true Am I really a mistake? Am I such a hopeless girl? Or is my reflection just a fake Fresh tears dripped down my cheeks Just when I thought I had no more I just wish my life would be back to normal Like the way it was before The blood just wasn’t stopping As I pressed a towel to my skin I guess it was a sign to show me That my father will always win But I couldn’t cry over it all night Still I had to stay strong I had to try to understand his ways Even though I may be wrong And finally I got over it And I crept in my room to write What happened my entire day And why I was in such fright: My scars posses a beauty That you could never know because they all represent the truth That lies deep down below These scars are for a broken family a time of unforgettable tears crimson trails that I have followed each representing my deepest fears With each passing moment I believe he will continue to scar And the only role that I play in it Is to hope he don’t get too far... *Treat it well...* My heart is in your hands, baby treat it well it's all yours if you don't want it give it back, please don't tear it, hurt it, make it bleed I trust you....My faith is in you. My innocence was given to you, please treat it well. I have given more than just a little of myself to you, all of me is with you wishing to touch you after that night, that's my memory of the perfect you, treat it well. because I know you treat me well......you love me, and I love you, that's enough for me what about you? LET ME IN: I used to be scared of letting someone in, But it gets so lonely being on my own, With no one to talk to and no one to hold me, I need you here, I'm not always strong. Are you listening? Can you hear me? I'm lost inside my own thoughts... Is there anyone out there for me? I'll give them all I've got... I'm longing for love and the logical, Sort of like a fairytale... I'm waiting for some kind of miracle, That might never even happen... Been waiting so long... For a love to call my own... I'm soft to the touch... But not too soft to break, Love's never enough...and Still it's more than I can take Every time I think of happily ever after... It always turn into just a beautiful disaster... Guess This Is Goodbye : To You Now, We've Had Our Time. And I Always Knew Deep Inside, You Could Never Be Mine. I Don't Blame You, I Can See Why You're Doing This, I Can. I Would Love To Be Your Girl, But I Know You Can't Be My Man. And Now That You're Gone, It Makes It All Seem So Real. I Can Never Be With You, Can Never Show You How I Feel. I Loved How You Believed In Me, You Always Made Me Smile. No One Could Make Me Feel Like that, Like I Was So Worth While. It Keeps Playing Over And Over Again, The Words, In My Head. "i want you to know that I'll always love you" That's What You Said. Saying Goodbye To Something That I Never Really Ever Had. Tugs At My Heart, But I Won't Show You That I Am Sad. I will Remember This As The Day That You Left My Heart For Good. But I Won't Cry, I'll Hold My Head Up High, Like A Good Girl Should. I Know You Won't Wanna Read This, But I'm Sorry, I Had To Write. About The Way That I Feel For You, About The Way I Feel Tonight. I Don't Blame You For Saying Goodbye To What Ever We Did Share. But I Just Want You To Know, That I Shall Always Still Care. To Still Be Friends, Would Mean No Little Than The World To Me. And I Hope You Know I Loved You, I Hope That That You Can See. I'll Reassure You Right Now, If Any Worry Starts To Fill Your Mind. I Would Never Raise A Blade Because Of You, Won't Let My Wires Unwind. I Don't Know What To Say Now, I've Said All You Need To Know. And Now This Here Is The Time Right Now, To Let Your Girl Go... *Sorry Had To Write It* Hum.. *this goes out to someone very special to me...i know he hates me right now, but i need him to listen* Last night i made the biggest mistake of my life I'm so close to picking up that knife. I screwed up so bad i truly didn't want it to end thats the part that made me sad. I hate fighting with you I miss what we had before i cheated on my bo. I wish i could save every tear i cried and drown myself in them, without you here, I'd rather die. You won't ever understand how much you mean to me but i got to go now all my mistakes will make me bleed Baby i do care for you sorry you didn't believe me my heart will always remain true to you. Sorry if i hurt you bad, i hurt myself as well, all this bs in my life is making me sad. I should have understand before that you were there to help not just to adore :). I love you with everything i have don't you ever forget it, my heart isn't complete without its other half so don't ever leave it. I wish some day you'll take me back and forget my selfish mistakes. but for now i have to go i hope these cuts will never show. Dear Daddy, That song reminds me of you so much, I cry so hard as I remember you I try to hold it in, but by the second line, the tears start to flow I have my session with my tears each and every night, As I listen to the song and try to sing along through all the crying sobs I can't do this any other time, so I visit you each night before I lay to rest For you're so far away and it's so hard to bear You’re the bravest person I have ever known No one has a heart like you do I don't know how you can bear to be away from you family 'cause it's tearing me apart You have so much courage to do what you must, But Daddy, I really want you home, And I want you home now This pain within my chest is just so deep I can't get it out But I know I must because it's what you would want You wouldn't want me crying and you wouldn't want me aching, So I pray each night to God: Dear Lord, Please keep him safe, while fighting for our country He's the strongest person I know, the bravest and the most courageous too. Please give me strength to keep on going, Give me the courage that you give to him, Dear Lord, Please keep him safe, while fighting for our country... I scream to God and ask Him WHY? Why must I feel this way? Why does it have to be? And why must he be gone? Dear Daddy, will you please come home soon? My Daddy was stolen from my arms and stolen from my family My mother had a lover, and a strong one at that, but now there's a void where her lover once was... My older brother is getting on his own two feet, and starting his own life, But his father isn't there to give him useful tips... And when his daughter needs him most, to tell her boyfriends to keep hands off and run them all off, Her father isn't there... My little brother is getting to age where he's going through some changes, liking girls, and being confused about little things life does, But his father isn't there to help him through his middle school dramas anymore... My youngest brother isn't very old, but still needs someone there. He wants to play with action figures, play good guys and bad guys, and wrestle with someone bigger than he, But his father isn't there, to always let him win So Dear Daddy, I just listen to the song, and try to sing along, through all the crying sobs Is it OK to still be aching after so long? I just want you home Dear Daddy, And I want you home now So once again I do pray: Dear Lord, Draw me closer to him, and let me near to his heart, guide me in my dreams to his and pray I'll never wake, 'Cause when I wake, No longer does he hold me YOU WERE THERE: When i needed someone you gave me your friendship when i felt i couldn't make it you were there by my side when i felt like crying you were there to make me laugh when i was sad you were there to make me happy when i felt like dying you were there to save my life when i needed a hug you were there to give me one when i felt alone you were there by my side but now that your gone its like I'm lost without you my life is worthless now that your gone i dint laugh like i use to any more I'm not happy like i was before it hurt just thinking of you i never got to tell you how i felt about you but just to let you know i love you and that you'll always be remembered and never forgot because you were there She lies there unable to speak Gasping struggling for her last Breath of air. The disease won - Her heart stops beating, She struggles no more, She is no longer alive. Her spirit is gone. The funeral sad - very sad. Putting makeup on a person That is alive no more - How pitiful is that? She is no longer alive. No kind of makeup will change that. People come offering their condolences, Thinking maybe it will ease the pain a little bit. They are wrong, so wrong. No words will ease the pain Of knowing that your mother is dead. Your mother the one that gave birth to you - She is dead. Dead. Words will not heal, Hugs will not help, Tears will not bring her back. Because my mother for She is alive no more. I cry a river black and blue I cry it all for you Taken away from me on that sunny day Now I cant find my way I hope your name on the board I will find But my hopes seem to be lead blind Taken away by natures great force How it destroyed people’s life in its course All my life has been taken away I try to rebuild it day by day But how can I when no help is given to me All my family has gone missing only leaving me People tell me there is no hope But holding on to that hope helps me cope Please come back to me don’t leave me an orphan is this devastated place Please angels help me find grace I ask for aid to give my village some relief Please help to sooth this grief Every dream I had has been broken in two My only wish is that family I could find you *This poem is dedicated to anyone who has suffered due to the Tsunami no matter how small or big the pain is* Are angels superstition? Is God there in the sky? Is heaven really up there? awaiting you and I? Is death a hooded demon? Or God's hand's gentle touch? Will death be out to harm me? And will it hurt that much? What truly does await us? What happens when I'm through? Will I not go to heaven? Will Daddy be there too? What happens to the guilty? The innocent as well? Has mummy gone to heaven? Or has she gone to hell? Is hell the destination? For anyone who's bad? Was mummy bad to hurt me? God, is my mummy sad? Does God consider answering? Or does he just forget? I've asked a million questions, without and answer yet. If God could answer one thing. One question he'd allow, "Why didn't mummy love me?" I guess its too late now... It was just another day, I was at school to learn and play, then the buses arrived and the clock struck 3, I was happy to be going home, but I had no clue what was waiting for me, the ride seemed slow, even though it was fast, I sat in my seat, out the window houses flew past, the bus began to slow, my house wasn't very far, then I spotted a person, standing beside a familiar blue car, I thought *maybe moms gonna take me for a treat or to the mall*, soon I would know, I wasn't right, no, not at all, there wasn't just my mom, there was a couple other relatives too, mom said she was so sick, she couldn't stand the pain she was going through, tears streamed from her eyes, they came from mine as well, How could I have known she was so down? By her face you couldn't tell, they said they were taking my mother to a place where she could be *helped*, but I still couldn't understand, my father stood beside me, and took me by the hand, he told me to be strong and try not to cry, that this wasn't for forever, this was not my mother's last good-bye, she told us how much love for us she had, I asked her why she was leaving me, why would she want to make me so sad? my dad and I stood together as she got into the car, I didn't know when I'd have my family back, but I knew it would be far It was just another day, until my mother went away... MY BROTHER: brother’s blood bought this land He did fight and kill with his teenage hands He was too young and my mother did warn in a deathly tone ‘This is not like toy soldiers he played at home’ ‘He may not return to his family again They may not find him this is probably the end’ I cried each day he was away And when the news did come I was still blown astray Despite what my mother did tell me I was never prepared for the full story They told me he had gone to save one of his mates When another man did shoot him from enemy gates My brother was trying to save a friend And his loyally did bring him to the end I will never see his smiling face again And one thing I will regret is loosing faith in men I did not believe anyone would kill my brother Despite all the warning and tears of my mother I will think of him each day And every time I will pray his name I will live my life for my dear brother His loyalty did cost his life I should have seen the prophesy However even till the end and beyond he did live out his life philosophy I shall live my life through my brother And I will live in love for one another I will do all I can to help the world But forever I hate war I wish it was no more Men will fight for anything Land, women, oil, money and precious things What they do not realise is what the world needs Is more people like my brother And the life I now lead Its for my brother And his life was not a waste He lived on this earth with a lot of grace I love my brother for ever more And I thank him for his lesson Although he did not see it through the war He saved his mate And was shot from an enemy gate And now his friend Will live his life till the end No more fighting for the life my brother did save His mate is now spreading the love my brother gave I’m happy for my brother and miss him with all my heart But he did change many men And they made a new start So make some friends and spread the love so my brother's blood was not wasted Think of him and what he did show live your life with love and never let go Forget about war and fighting and hate and always remember what my brother did for a mate. I wonder everyday who I can be Who I can see, I wonder everyday if I'll ever be somebody Somebody someone will look up to Somebody headed in the right direction instead of stepping backward, I'll be stepping forward in life Somebody who knows how to avoid violence and talks things out Somebody who knows how to have a good time Without making everyone else feel put down or not worthy Somebody who can feel good about themselves Somebody who can help others be who they want to be I wonder everyday who I want this someone to be Could this someone possibly be me? Have you ever: Have you ever wanted to dry a tear that you knew you made fall? Have you ever said something you never meant at all? Have you ever wanted to reach out to someone who was in pain? Have you ever wanted to give sunshine to someone who lives with rain? Have you ever wanted a chance to go back and change the past? Have you ever stopped to realize that time slips by too fast? Have you ever loved somebody and never told them so? Have you ever held back a question that you really wanted to know? Have you ever felt you might explode from holding stuff inside? Thats when you have to make a choice between happiness or pride I decided I would tell the truth To share all that I feel My heart feels so much bigger now Truth was the better deal It’s hard to be strong when you feel so weak, You want to say something but you just can’t speak, Your body tenses and you feel the heat, The only sound available is your own heartbeat, Death is part of everyone’s fear, When tragedy strikes sorrow is all you can hear, Life beginning and ending within the blink of an eye, Death knocks us down before we can fly, We feel pain and remorse for a dear friend, Wondering how this could be the end, Heaven’s road is met through our last breath, But Heaven’s road doesn’t end at death Life is to short to surrender like this forever, Because in the end we will all be together I ask myself why?... why am i here... sometimes i think why?.... why cant i just die?... sometimes i think why?... why not act my normal self, shy?... i ask myself ... will people care if i die?... sometimes i think... am i invisible because i seem small like a fly?... i ask myself.... why do i do this?.... cry, smoke and cut my wrist.. sometimes i think how can anyone know what I’m going through?... i ask myself.... am i the only one living in this life?..... A WINDOW: If a window is all I need to see how things will be I could look and see what comes of this life I'm living But through this window, now is all that I can see This window I wish to behold, what if I am shaping it within me? As each day passes the window becomes clearer Molding into what will be my future What if I don't like what is going to be of tomorrow? Can I change my future, or will it only cause me sorrow? I'll just have to wait and see, if I can change what is coming to be. Why is everything so messed up? People are crazy I say they all just need to rest up Our world is so corrupt I feel like my heads going to erupt Sometimes I just want to self-destruct I’m on a curse Why did I have to be put on this god-forsaken earth? And it only gets worse I only get hurt Punished ever since birth This is why I got all this shit to blurt This is why I’m one hell of a jerk Most of you wont even like this cause I cuss Some of you wonder why I make such a fuss But you will never know You will never understand Why I hate this misery abundant land But don’t hate me Hate god Hate my mom They’re the ones who made me All this is driving me crazy I can’t take it This anger this pain its real I don’t fake it But think what you want I really don’t care My thoughts are as tangled Worst than the worst day of bad hair My emotions are mangled Life doesn’t know the meaning of fair No one cares No ones there No one that I need I’ll keep going without anyone to succeed Life’s a b*EACH but I can dream This is my mentality One day my dreams will become a reality |