Does your boss make you sick? VI. What can I do about what it (employee abuse) has done to me?    If your abuse interferes with your life, see with a mental health professional, whether you are still in the abusive situation or not. Therapists are not just for crazy people any more than doctors are just for people with life-threatening diseases or injuries.    In most cases, therapy no longer involves many years of talking about childhoods to find out why we do everything we do and what it all means. Today, therapists focus on helping us change whatever we must in order to have good lives as soon as possible, and the reasons we do what we do are only important if they help us make those changes.    Get help. If your company has a mental health plan that includes an employee assistance program (EAP), start there. If not, you'll probably be referred to a social worker or psychologist for an assessment (diagnosis), and possibly to a different provider for treatment. If you don't have mental health coverage and can't afford to pay a mental health provider, call your state's community mental health agency for help.    EAP providers are ideal for mental abuse victims, because they specialize in work place problems and anything that affects productivity, from addictions to family troubles. EAPs are somewhat customized to fit different types of work places, but are basically the same. The providers are usually social workers, who are trained to assess cases quickly and either get the problems solved within a few sessions, or refer patients to specialists or long-term treatment.    In most EAPs, the providers can go to work sites to intervene for their patients, but only with the patients' written permission. Sometimes EAPs will have several patients who have problems with the same co-worker or manager and work with management to get the problem corrected.    For instance, my EAP social worker met with my manager to try to straighten out what she thought might be miscommunication. That's how she found out he was the one with the problem and that I was his victim. As a result, she changed from trying to help me to do my job better to trying to convince me I was doing an excellent job. She tried to get me to quit, too, but it took me a while to get to where I could accept that as the only way to save myself, so she concentrated on restoring my self-confidence and -respect. If it weren't for her, I don't think there would have been much of me left to work with when I finally quit.    I needed long-term treatment to recover from all the damage, so she referred me to another social worker who picked up where she left off and also was an excellent therapist. I have been tested, but not treated by psychologists, and I see a psychiatrist every three months, mainly so  he can prescribe and monitor my medication. Therefore, I cannot relate any personal experience about treatment by anyone but social workers.    However, there is an irony to my story, which qualifies me to say a few things about psychologists and psychiatrists. The company that drove me crazy was in the managed mental health care business. I've always thought that was pretty funny, but I have a weird sense of humor.    While I was there, I talked to a lot of social workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists about their work, including many case histories. I'm glad to be able to tell you that, although the company only cared about profit, the providers' were dedicated to patient care, and I have reason to believe that's typical. There are exceptions, of course, but I believe most mental health providers sincerely care about their patients.    Help yourself. I've learned a lot about how to recover from depression in general and mental abuse in particular, and I wouldn't be giving my best if I didn't tell you about some techniques that have helped me a lot.  No doubt you know about some of them, but I think some will be new to you.    I've said this before, but it's important enough to repeat: Learn how to handle stress from a mental health pro, book, or friend, or take a class. Especially learn some relaxation techniques and use them every time you feel yourself getting uptight. (To learn relaxation, click here.)    Laugh out loud, a lot!  Belly laughs are wonderful. Rent or go to funny movies. Spend time with funny friends. Ban "downer" people and things from your house. (Read "Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient" by Norman Cousins.)    Replace your abuser's accusations and put-downs with a barrage of specific good thoughts about yourself. For instance, recall details about your successes in other jobs--promotions, raises, bonuses, awards, personal recognitions. A turning point came for me when I found some reference letters praising me for the way I handled my previous job, and I realized I couldn't possibly have become a stupid failure in just the few months before I went to work for my abuser.    Do some things that will make you feel good about yourself and you can't possibly do wrong. Play with your kids (if you aren't liable to take out your frustration on them), fix something, paint your bathroom, give your spouse a romantic card on a day that isn't special, visit lonely people, read stories to kids in a pediatric ward.    At the first sign of agoraphobia (fear of leaving home) get out of the house, and get out every time it hits or it will get hold of you. You don't have to go far or stay long. Once around the house or out to the mail box is better than nothing.     Keep a fly swatter handy. When anger gets hold of you, beat the sh-- out of the kitchen counter and scream out your anger. Cursing is great, but be sure no kids or ministers can hear you. It's also a good idea to explain first to others in the house.    Act as though you are the person you want to be and that's who you will become. Do you need to regain your confidence? ACT confident. Stand up tall, lift your chin, and take strides instead of steps wherever you walk. You can notice a difference in as little as five minutes. Act as though you don't have any problems: Smile, laugh and giggle, sing, whistle, dance and within minutes you'll wonder what you were so down about. The longer you pretend, the longer the affect will last. Make your façade permanent and it will stop being a façade. You don't need an audience to make this work.    Contributions to this list are welcome. Please leave them on my message board on my home page. Back to home page.