On the wedding day: (November 17, 1944) Suet looked into the mirror at her image in a wedding gown. She never thought she could wear a wedding gown. She never imagined marrying anyone but Phong, yet now he was in heaven and she was still on earth. It would be impossible to even imagine marrying him. But she decided to take her mind off Phong because she had made a descision that night to move on with her life.
Her dress was extravagant. Madam Kwok had ordered it from France. The material was a mixture of French lace and Chinese silk. She placed the last hair combs into her hair and smiled at her reflection. Then she pulled the veil over her head.
Fei and Quay knocked on the door so she opened it and they congratulated her. "Finally we won't just be cousins; we'll be sister in laws also." Quay said hugging Suet. Suet managed to smile as they hugged. Fei had a warm smile on his face. Suet was more beautiful today than ever. If he had known the circumstances would turn out this way, would he had married Quay or would he have waited for Suet? he wondered to himself.
"Today you'll become my sister. A privilege you've given me. An honor having such a wonderful person as you for a sister" he said kissing her on the forehead. In the embrace he didn't want to let her go but he knew hw had to. Quay seemed uneasy seeing the two so close since she remembered she once thought he loved Suet although he never admitted it.
She quickly pulled her husband, "Okay honey we need to leave now so the ceremony could start. Your brother, Fuo needs to pick up the bride." She said as she waved to Suet. "We'll see you later." Suet nodded. She was excited as she waited in the room. Within moments she heard a knock. That couldn't have been Fuo. It would have been too early for him to pick her up. She opened the door and before her stood Fuo.
"No, no you can't be here yet, go out." She said pushing the door close. Fuo resisted and held tightly to the door. "Sorry," he said in a soft tone, "I just needed to see you. I... I... I need to ask you something." He stuttered.
"Well, go ahead we'll be husband and wife soon. Whatever you want to ask go ahead." she insisted. Fuo paced back and forth clearing his throat before he spoke. "I need you to let go of the orphanage. I know it's important to you but this is important to my mother and the reputation of the Kwoks." Suet looked at him in shock not replying. She held onto her tummy as she paced back and forth for a second.
"I know that you have a very stubborn mind, but I love you and I want to marry you. I want to have a wonderful life with you and have children together in the future. If you love children so much we can have plenty." he added. She still did not say anything to him. Thoughts ran up and down her head. She wanted to tell him. She needed to tell him, but she knew it would be even harder for him to accept and it would destroy him. She looked at him and looked away.
He placed his arms around her and continued his plead, "I want you to be happy but I also want my mother to be content and the reputation of the Kwoks rest on me. I'm sorry. I apologize for asking you to do something you don't want to." he said apologetically.
Suet rubbed Fuo's arms, the arms which held her tightly right now. The hands she wanted to hold her for eternity. She let out a deep sigh, "Yes." she said. " I will let go of the orphanage." Fuo's expression changed. His eyes popped out. He had been so afraid of this moment. Afraid he would lose the woman he loved, afraid he would lose everything he's tried so hard for these past years yet her answer relieved him. "But..." She said. His heart stopped once again. The three second anticipation he waited for her to speak seemed like months and years. "But I need to keep on of the orphans. I need to keep Lan Yee."
"Why?" he asked confused. "If you can give them up why must you keep one?" She looked into his inquirying eyes searching for pity. "I just want to keep one, can't you grant me one orphan from the hundred that I'll be giving up for you without asking me why?" she pleaded. He shook his head. "But please let me know why. I deserve to know why."
Now her heart beat quickly as the moment she feared opened up in front of her. She was afraid of telling him, she was afraid he would not accept, she was afraid the Kwoks would not understand. "I can't tell you, I don't know what to tell you." She said nervously. "You love me very much and I also love you, for our love I beg you not to continue asking." She said resting against his chest. "Please don't continue asking."
He embraced her in his arms. "Even if you gave me your reasons, my mother would never allow us to adopt even one child from the orphanage." As he said this, his grip on her became tighter. She too held onto him tighter. They both knew that the wedding could not continue.
They stood there for what seemed like 10,000 years embracing each other. Not letting go afraid that the moment would be lost forever. Finally he pulled away. He looked at her. She was now crying. Tears came down her cheek. He wiped it away. "Don't cry my love, hush..." he said. He lifted up her chin she stared into his eyes. Their lips collided as they shared a passionate kiss.
"I'm sorry." She said as she pulled away. He nodded. "So am I." He said regretfully as he headed for the door. He held onto the handle and looked back at her.
Her heart stopped as she looked at another man she love walk out of her life. He opened the door and slowly walked out. He wanted her to call him saying she changed her mind, but she didn't. She wanted him to turn around and say he would drop his virtue and family reputation for her. But he also did not. She could hear the wedding bells in the background; clanking, ching... chang... once again on the day of a wedding she did something that would add to the tears already in her life. "I'm sorry." she cried falling onto her bed.
Half an hour later, Quay came running up the room. "What happened? Why is the wedding off? How could you not marry a Kwok?" she asked crazily. Suet got up and wiped her tears. "Please I just want to be alone." Suet replied.
"Alone is not going to solve all this. Madam Kwok will be outraged. Why didn't you just get married and whatever little fights you and Fuo want to have you can have after the wedding, okay?" Quay said pulling Suet towards the door. Suet pulled her hands from Quay's grasp. "Don't you understand!" she shouted. "We're not getting married! This is not a little fight! This is an end, an end to everything. An end to any happiness I thought I could have. Just leave me alone."
Quay was shocked and surprised. "I... I... I don't know what you're talking about. What's wrong? What could have possible happend? Explain?" she asked nervously seeing Suet so upset. Suet brok down into tears again. "I can't let go of Lan-Yee. I can't let her go." Suet cried letting go of everything she had hidden for so many years.
"Why can't you? I'm sure someone else can take good care of her like the rest of your orphans. No worries, it's not like she's yours or anything." As Quay said this Suet's facial expression changed. She seemed shocked and afraid, yet guilty and ashamed at the same time. Suet looked away and tried to avoid looking at Quay. "Oh my goodness," Quay exclaimed, "Lan-Yee is yours. She's your child and some man." Quay said pulling Suet to look straight at her. "Now tell me who is he? Who is the man that won't take responsibility for his actions?"
Suet looked away, "I..." she said and stopped. Quat turned Suet back to face her. "Tell me. Tell me now." Quay became nervous, afraid it was Fei's. Suet shook her head in tears. "I... It.... It was on your wedding day. Me and,,," Suet stuttered. Before Suet could finish, Fei walked into the room, since the door was now wide open and he heard Quay yelling.
"What's going on?" Fei asked. He noticed Suet in Tears. "Why are you clutching Suet so hard? Let her go." Fei said pulling Quay's grasp off Suet. He thought his wife was hurting her. "Are you okay?" Fei asked Suet. She nodded unable to continue what she wanted to say.
Quay stormed over to Suet and slapped her. "I can't believe you! My own cousin! How could you do something like this to me!" she screamed assuming Suet cheated with Fei on the wedding day. Fei grabbed his wife's hand. "Are you crazy!" Fei shouted and lightly pushed her aside. He turned to Suet, "Are you..."
Before he could finish suet immediately said, "I deserve it, how could I have done such a thing. I... I... I can't face any of you." Suet said and running to another area of her home. Her parents were worried for her but they understood she wanted to be in piece. They left her alone so that she could think. They knew their daughter was very rational and wouldn't have silly thoughts.
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At the Kwok's residence Fei and Quay were arguing.The whole house could hear them echoing through the walls. "Why did you slap Suet like that?" Fei shouted at Quay. She turned her back to him. "Do you really need to ask why? I'm sure you knew it all along, and all this time you were keeping it from me, from your brother also. I can't imagine what would happen if the Kwoks knew!"
"What are you talking about now?" He asked confused. "Explain." She turned back to him. "Why should I explain? You already know! You should be the one explaining to me!" she shouted pounding his chest.
He pushed her away."You're going crazy again. I'm going to let you calm down. I'll be back later tonight."
Quay would occasionally get jealous rampages and start acting crazy according to Fei. He didn?t love her completely when he married her, but since they?ve been married for five years and even have two kids, a boy and a girl, he was getting closer to loving her. But Quay?s personality seemed to be getting more and more harsh. Fei decided to visit Suet and find out what really happened.
"Fei is here to see you." Suet's mother, Chiang Wei Bing said. Suet came down from her room and they took a walk together like they used to when they were schoolmates. "So can I ask what happened between you and Fuo and you and Quay today?" he started asking.
"Didn't they tell you?" Suet said looking at the ground. Fei shook his head. "No she just became very upset at me for not telling her what I knew, but the truth is I know nothing and Fuo wants to be alone." he replied letting out a deep sigh.
"Is Fuo okay?" she asked concerned. She knew he loved her very much. More than she could ever love him. Fei nodded. "Yeah he'll be fine, but why cancel on the wedding day? Why did you two have to split up? What can't be worked out?" he asked sincerely. He wanted his brother and Suet happy.
"Didn't Quay tell you?" she asked. He shook his head. "Nope." he repsonded. She let out a deep sigh. "She probably thought I told you about everything." she said. The were still walking as he turned to stop her. "Well then why don't you just tell me, that's if you're comfortable telling me."
"I've kept this in for so many years." she said exhaling deeply. "Lan-Yee is Phong's child."
"Phong's child and..." He asked afraid she was Quay's and Phong's Suet shook her head. She knew what he was thinking. "Mine. Mine and Phong's." Suet immediately said to avoid misunderstandings. "I can give up every child but my own." she said.
"Why didn't you just admit that? Why did you say she was an orphan?" Fei asked confused. Suet chuckled sarcastically. "Phong and I are not married. Having a child out of wedlock will make my child a bastard, teased for eternity! My family's chastity ruined by me!" she shouted.
Fei patted her back, "It's okay." he said calming her down. "It's okay." He said bring her closer to him. She leaned onto his shoulders. Anyways Phong never loved me." Suet said sadly as she rested on his shoulders.
"Don't say such things." he said as she cried on his shoulders. "It's okay, everything will be okay." Then a question pondered his mind. "Suet, if you have such an intense love for Phong, did you really love my brother??"
"I don't know. I guess I did, in a different way. I loved Phong passionately, compassionately, crazily, and mindlessly. But I loved, Fuo with gratitude and..." She said lifting her head from his shoulders and wiping her tears.
Fei interrupted her. "How about me, did you ever love me?" Fei asked. Suet was stunned by his question. It came as a surprise to her. She didn't know what to say or how to answer him. He shook his head. "Sorry I didn't mean to ask you a silly question. No need to answer that." He said realizing he was now married to Quay and Suet almost became his sister in law.
"No problem." Suet responded. "We're best friends, right?" He nodded. "I'll keep this secret for you. Don't worry." He said. She smiled. "Thanks!" she said softly. She continued walking. He nodded "I'll walk you home." He offered She nodded. "Sure." She accepted.
The two walked silently. Both understood that the question Fei asked was something the two never resolved. Suet always knew Fei was interested in her when they were younger, but she always avoided it since her love for Phong was so much stronger. But now his question arose some thought in her. Could she ever love Fei?
Fei wonder what had gotten into him. Maybe it was like old times sake when Suet would lay on his shoulder crying about Phong. How she would tell him how much she loved a man that could only love her cousin. How she was so jealous of her cousins relationship with the man of her dreams but at the same time happy that her cousin had found such a great man. Fei wondered if he still loved Suet?
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