Sunday August 21, 2005
11:46am
I totally had a passage in here from 2:16am last night - now it's gone? It read "9 months have passed since the last posting, so what's new? I'm married, my arthritis is doing much better, at least when i'm on my meds. 6 months ago Reggie came by the office w/ his daughter Fionna - they were visiting from Paris. and i posted a new poem from some random inspiration." Anyway, about married life, it's not bad although it's still the beginning. Maybe next year we'll start a family. Oh, I got 2 baby turtles from NYC! Raphael and Donatello. Michaelangelo and Leonardo I gave to Tan's friend. I love it when the climb the bridge, I feel so proud that they are enjoying what I created for them. :) And they're finally eating what I feed them! The first week was scary when they didn't eat, guess they were scared of the new surroundings. Oh, I signed up for the GRE test, Oct 15 at 7:30am! Wish me luck. I took a practice test yesterday from my study guide, scored about a 980... I need to study more :( I want to see if I can get into GW's MA anthro. program. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! I want to study all day, go to class, take care of my turtles and let Duc make all the money... hahahaha!
Thursday November 25, 2004
2:06am
Wow almost a month since i've written in this. wonder how much i'll be able to write with this swollen fingers.. damn it hurts.. i really need to go on antibiotics soon.. didn't realize all this stuff i'm going through could be from the left over bacterial infection.. too bad the first round of antibiotics didn't cure it all cuz it all came back, the sore throat, the joint pains and the tense muscles... it's just gone above and beyond the original condition. it sucks. anyway, i wanted to write in here because one of my favorite old songs was on, Bush - Alien, it used to be one of my fav's.. i could hear that song every night before i went to bed... "second born child, like velvet".. man, if that doesn't get you i don't know what will.
so i'm really concerned about pete being a cutter, like OMG he needs big time help, so much more than i realized. no words of mine could console him in the state that he's in, no amount of "yes i understand how you must feel.." would do it because that would be complete bullshit to him. which really sucks because you want to do something but you feel so completely helpless, and really it might be as easy as picking him up from where he is and say look just live down here and it'll all be alright, but that's not true because he has friends and family up there, but wow.. i've only seen the surface of depression compared to him, i know there's people that care about me that's why i could never attempt suicide, i'll think about it but it's too scary to go through with, and all i'll try to do is drown myself in the bathtub but i can't stay under the water for too long.. i'm way too weak to take the pains i'm currently in to consider making it any worse and to think people will do such things to their body deliberatly.. it certainly does make me a little thankful to not be in their shoes but so sad to see them in that position.
i am so ready for tomorrow's lunch, gimme the sweet potatoes and marshmellows, turkey and gravy, all the good stuff.. yum yum yum.. hmm.. and the pie with cool whip on top and say good night.
Thursday October 28 2004
9:52pm
everyone else is doing it, i guess i should too.. i will attempt to have this as a release of emotions.. as awkward and swinging as they are.. amazing so much to talk about but nothing immediately comes to mind that i must put into words... there's a gazillion thoughts running at once but none that i can hold for too long before it escapes me except for what i'm writing.. damn pete was right that it's like your fingers are doing hte writing and it's totally a out of body experience that's happening... anyway.. last night i was so ready to have a baby and tonight i'm so ready to be alone forever. i really hate mood swings like this. very high and then oh-so-low. i want to crawl into the bathtub again and cry my eyes out but no one is there to pick me up. my knees are acting up again today. they were doing so good yesterday. i need a vacation.. tomorrow is it.. get ready for the big day Saturday. Boy I hope I make it through these next two days. I can't be getting sick and moody in front of everybody. argh. and why hasn't jennifer responded... and i hope cheri does show.. my mind is spinning again.. it's cool and at the same time it's on flames. i definitely need more meds from the doc. this infection is on the rebound.