Animal - "I am NOT an animal!"

Astronaut Pen - Jerry's conversation with Jack Klampus about the astronaut pen.

Awkward - "My, isn't this an awkward moment."

Bad Movie - "I can't go to a bad movie by myself! What am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?"

Big Zit - "It must take a really really big ZIT to KILL a man!"

Breaking Up - "Breaking up is like knocking over a coke machine. You can't do it in one push. You've got to rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over."

Car Reservation - Fans should know this one by heart ... a really good one, too long to type.

Censored- "What the **** are you doing you little piece of ****?!?!?!??!"

Chunkies - "Wait a minute ... I know the chunkie that left these chunkies .... NEWMAN!"

Cleavage- "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun -- you don't stare at it, it's too risky! You get a sense of it and then you look away!"

Doublemint Gum - "I don't know about you, but I'm gettin' a hankerin' for some Doublemint gum."

Drunken Makeout - "Ahh, the drunken makeout. An office classic. Did you end up Xeroxing anything?"

Extra Teeth - "Oh, extra teeth. I love that look."

Fat Bastard - "All right, all right, just lemme finish my coffee. Then we'll watch them slice this fat bastard up."

Good Bad Naked - "The thing you don't realize is there's good naked and bad naked. Naked hair brushing, good. Naked crouching, bad."

Hamburger- "I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating ME!"

Hand Slapping - "Slapping hands is the lowest form of male primate ritual."

Hard Feelings - (Jerry) "I hope there's no hard feelings ..." (Mr. Bookman) "Hard feelings? What do you know about hard feelings? You ever had a man die in your arms? You ever kill somebody?" (Jerry) "What is your problem?" (Mr. Bookman) "What's my problem? Punks like you - that's my problem. And you better not screw up again Seinfeld, because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pit bull on a poodle."

Hell- "Well it must be comforting to know that you're going straight to hell at no more than 3 mph."

"Helllllooooooo."

"Hello Newman."

"I am such a jackass."

"I did something stupid."

"To the Idiotmobile!"

Independent Jerry - "You're killing independent Jerry!"

Insurance - (Sales lady) "Would you like insurance?" (Jerry) "Yeah you'd better give me insurance, because I'm gonna beat the hell out of this car."

"Let's cut the bull, sister!"

Lifestyle- "It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man. We HAVE to do it. It's part of our lifestyle."

Little Jerry - "Little Jerry is a lean, mean, peckin' machine!"

Magic Loogie - Fans should also know the this tale ....

Mechanic- "Do you know what a good mechanic is worth? You can't compare that to sex!"

Moses Roses - "Oh Moses, smell the roses."

Nazi Regime - "I'm sorry. This is what comes from living under a Nazi regime."

Nice Face - "He gave you the nice-face discount."

Nipple - "I'm not sure, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I see ... a nipple."

No Pick - Best if heard.

"Let's all just have a big pee party."

Pirate - "But I don't wanna be a pirate!"

Pony- "Who figures an immigrant was gonna have a pony?"

Pretzel- "This woman is bending my mind into a pretzel!"

"I call you Pimple Popper, M.D.!"

Prison- Again, best if heard. It's the stand-up routine Jerry gave about Prison life in the very last episode.

Run Fast - "You may not know it to look at me, but I can run really, really fast."

Schmoopie- (Girlfriend) "Hey, schmoopie." (Jerry) "Hi schmoopie." (Girlfriend) "No, you're schmoopie." (Jerry) "You're schmoopie!"

Shallow Observations - "There's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious, observations."

Shut Up - "Would you do me a favor? Could you shut up?"

Smoke - "Nah, go ahead. I second-hand smoke two packs a day."

Spock - "Spock dies, they wrap him up in a towel, and they shoot him out of the bows of the ship in that big sunglasses case."

Stench - "This is a force more powerful than anything you can imagine. Even Superman would be helpless against this kind of stench!"

Stench Grows - "Like a punch in the face, the stench hits me. It's almost as if it had gained strength throughout the night."

"Trust me Kramer. Given the legal opportunity, I will kill you."

"Wow, good work, Nancy Drew."
 

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