DOG PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in
my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's
mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's
mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing
something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine,
it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are
playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes
mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE
THE SAME
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both
have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their
territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The
smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate
fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any
dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice
when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you
see in cats.
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
1. Dogs do not
have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when
you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something
wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very
direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with
you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can
train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social
disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really worst disease you can
get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the
one that gives it to you).
10. Dogs understand what "no"
means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
LIFE LESSONS
LEARNED FROM A DOG
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually
you'll get what you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be
direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by piddling on their
shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use
it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always
give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the crotch is
effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility
(as soon as you're dragged out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet
and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
[Mother Shiptons Prophecy] [Poetry]
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