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September 9, 1999

Okay, so this entry is a little bit out of the ordinary, because September 9 was yesterday. But I can't exactly write about today yet because it's only 9am and my day has consisted of two cigarettes, feeding the baby a bottle, watching the news, and waiting for my coffee to get here. I plan on adding some more "stuff about me" sections today, because the last page doesn't totally cover everything. That said, here's my entry for yesterday:

Sometimes, when I'm driving, I come to a road that brings out certain feelings and thoughts. I don't know if I can completely explain it, because sometimes the human brain's thoughts and ideas just can't be expressed in words.
Some roads feel like home. Some roads are foreign and bring out a feeling of helplessness. Some roads are familiar, but they seem foreign. Those kinds of roads are the most exhilarating; you know where you're going, but you feel like it's your first time going there.

I often miss the drives I used to take to Newbury Comics in Braintree. It was somewhat of a long ride; about 30 minutes, but I enjoyed it thoroughly every time. I especially enjoyed it just past dusk; when it was still light out, but the sky was filled with rich pinks and oranges. Maybe it was the idea of going somewhere to get my fix; I knew I could walk out of that place with an armload of CD's and not feel guilty because their prices are cheap as hell. I would, of course, spend at least an hour in the place, and then drive home in the dark. Driving in the dark is exhilarating no matter where you're going, familiar or not. Listening to one of my mix tapes, singing along, wind in my hair, cigarette between my fingers. God, I love that. I must sound like one of the characters from "Crash", but trust me, it's nothing like that. I have a strong sense of freedom and independence when I'm driving. A feeling that I'm not very used to, no thanks to my mother and past boyfriends.

Autumn is coming. I can't express how much this excites me. I love the smell of cool air, dead leaves.... All scents are enhanced tenfold when the air has a chill to it. I feel inspired. The coming of the cool air is like an alarm clock going off. Summer is like a hibernation period for me. I don't want to go out, I have little motivation, my art and writing suffer. But in the autumn months, I thrive. I want to strap on headphones and take hour long walks to nowhere. I want to look at the leaves, the rich reds, oranges and yellows screaming out to be touched, examined... taken home and put between the pages of a fat book. I want to sit on the curb, watching skateboarders do tricks while I smoke a cigarette and listen to punk rock. I want to take out my sketchbook and draw them, and in the margins, write about memories of high school when I would do the same thing that I'm doing now.

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's the perfect excuse to dress up like a moron, or a goddess, and watch horror movies until fake blood comes out of my ears. Halloween is the only holiday I throw myself into wholeheartedly; All through October, i read horror novels and comics, I only watch horror films, I dress a little funkier than usual. And usually, I'm horny as hell. October is definately an aphrodesiac for me. It's only the first week in september, and it's already beginning to take effect. I've done things sexually that I don't usually do. I'm bolder than normal. I state bluntly what I want. I have cybersex more often than usual (and  that defies all of that "throwing in the towel" stuff I mentioned earlier, but hey, I'm going to be frustrated either way, so what the fuck?) I want to have sex in a gothic-looking graveyard, late at night on All Hallow's Eve. I'm not even a goth, but the idea is so exciting to me. Halloween makeup smeared across my face, bent over a tombstone.... Trick or treat!  My goodness. It's too far away.

A party would be good. I haven't been to a party in forever. It's not like partying is something  I do a lot, or even well, for that matter, since I don't partake in drinking or drugs (unless I have no responsibilities to attend to until after the effects wear off). But I do want to get out and meet some more people. A halloween party is the ideal place for that. Everyone is loose at halloween parties. No inhibitions. Maybe I'll go to one of those BDSM clubs in NYC. That would be a treat.

Me. At a year old. Cute as hell! 

Me now; with kay of Letters To Cleo. Still not too shabby! ;)

I had a really wild dream last night. I don't remember all the details, but I was hanging out with Tori Amos, and she asked me to get up and sing a song with her. She hugged me. It's weird; I'm not a huge fan. I adore her, but it's not like she's the only musician I listen to or obsess over. But in the dream, when she hugged me, I felt so warm; like there was love eminating from her like the most vivid shade of red. Somehow I doubt a hug from her outside of the dream world would be like that, but I bet it would be close.

quote that won't get out of my head:

fall for me, my southern cross, my star. shine for me when love has gone too far. i've got you belly deep in me; just a little breath on the water is all we need, just a little strength in our hearts... enough to heal...
-Heather Nova, "Heal"

        September 10, 1999

Another day in which I didn't get to put in the journal entry on the actual day that it happened. I have a feeling that's going to happen a lot, since the logical time to do a journal entry is at the end of the day, before you go to bed; and Rob's father is always inhaling the computer and the immidiate space around it from the time he comes home from work until midnight or after.
It sucks, too, because I had some great thoughts I wanted to put down that I can't remember now.

sigh.

Well, I didn't have any mind bending thoughts or revelations yesterday, nor did I do anything all that exciting. I went shopping with Rob's mother. Shopping is usually fun, but if you go with someone's mother... ANYone's mother, it's bound to be a trip not worth taking. I bought film and glittery barrettes. Big whoop. She bought half the store. It's no biggie, and I'm not criticizing. But I was in Target from 12 to 3. That's much longer than anyone ever needs to be in Target if they don't work there. I probably wouldn't have minded so much had I not wanted to get home and work on this here site. I wanted to get a page up dedicated to the madness that is my family, and upload some goodies. Perhaps later. Perhaps not.

Rob came home around 5:30, and he had a flame under his ass to get to the movies. So we went to see "Stigmata". Here's my 10-second review: Decent story, cool cinematography, wait for video.

Anyhoo, that was pretty much my day. exciting, huh?

patricia arquette getting kinky on a train in "Stigmata".