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Welcome, my friends! I bid you all welcome to my humble abode on the internet. Firstly, I would like to thank the trio that set me free from bondage: Sarah, Adrienne, and Caroline. You will always hold a dear place in my fuzzy little heart. Next, I would like to say to you who would not believe in my existence, or who referred to your mothers in the context of "Pizza Cow" that you must learn some manners! Who am I, you may be asking. Well, that IS an excellent question, as many of you may not know of my existence. I am Jerome, and this is my story. One day, on a rooftop in Panama City, a bird flew by. *visual, please* The girls were intrigued by this bird, and wanted it to come back. "We could throw a piece of bread at it," was one suggestion. But no, this bird needed a moving target, it wasn't going to just dive for a silly piece of bread. "I have a travel fan," someone inputted. "Hey, (and I personally love this part, it's where I come in) we could get a black market hamster, and duct-tape it to the travel fan. That way it will be a moving target!" Oh, how grateful I was when they came down to the black market on Nuete Street, in Panama City! They came and saw my "broker", |
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who informed them that I was available for only 700 dollars US! They pulled together the money they had been keeping for such an occasion, and found out that they still had $6.99 between them. Just enough for a super roll of duct tape! How quaint! So they bought me, and I saw sunlight for the first time since being put in a rubber box in Russia! Glorious sunlight! They then bought the duct tape, and proceeded to affix me to the happy little yellow fan that they had brought. I felt so snug, it reminded me of when my Grandma used to tuck me in at night. So they took me to the rooftop, but the bird was already long gone. I am now, proud to say, their mutually adopted hampster, who enjoys following them around in the ruffage. I have had many interesting experiences since coming off of the black market, such as discovering that my fanny pack full of plutonium nitrate explodes and leaves a lovely green sheen over Panama City quite often, and that being squished at the bottom of a chlorinated pool does wonders for cleaning out one's pores. I am now available for taking vacations with Teen Mania participants. My current schedule includes such places as Oregon, Florida, Yale, Canada, and the Internet. If you want to spice up your life, invite Jerome (that's me) to YOUR vacation! I come at no charge, since airfare is trivial. |
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