| Title: Seven, The Page of Desperation Author: Gillian Silverlight Distribution: My site, those that have permission previous to post my fic; others please ask Disclaimer: They belong to Joss and the WB, I just play with them Summary: Sequel to ‘My Soul In Six Pages’ in the ‘Pages’ series Will Angel and Spike get to Buffy in time? Rating: PG Lyrics: ‘Calling All Angels’ by Jane Siberry; ‘Suspended in Time’ by Olivia Newton-John; ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ by Bonnie Tyler Seven, The Page of Desperation “Nibblet, listen carefully, go look in your mum’s bathroom for a poison kit, it will have charcoal and some stuff to make Buffy throw up. I know your mum had one. Bring it to us and then make a pot of coffee. You’ve seen your mum do it; you’ve seen me do it. You can too, Buffy needs it, Dawnie.” Spike told the frightened teenager. She mumbled and ran back out the door. ‘it's one foot then the other as you step out onto the road how much weight? how much weight? then it's how long? and how far? and how many times before it's too late?’ Angel and Spike held Buffy’s limp body in the shower under the stingingly cold spray. They talked to her constantly, rubbing her arms, back, face, anything to get her circulation going better again. They could hear her heartbeat. It was weak, but there. Her breathing was shallow. Dawn erupted back into the bathroom with a small box. She opened it and handed the two bottles inside to Angel and Spike. “Good work, Nibblet. Go watch for Giles and bring him up here when he gets here, please.” Spike told the younger girl. Dawn looked on with eyes wide at the two vampires holding her sister up, unconscious in the shower. Unable to watch any longer, she turned and ran back down the stairs. “Here, take the top off this while I ‘old it.” Spike told Angel as he held the charcoal bottle out to the older vampire. Angel did as Spike asked him. Catching a bit of water in the bottle from the shower, Spike made a slurry of the dark powder. “Hold ‘er for me.” Spike shifted all of Buffy’s slight weight to Angel. He needed both hands. Opening her mouth, Spike poured the liquid carefully, gently rubbing Buffy’s throat to force her to swallow. She got all the liquid down and they got a slight grimace from her. Spike sat the now empty bottle down and took half of Buffy’s weight again. Her head shifted slightly and a low moan fell from her lips. “That’s it, love. Come back to us, Buffy. Hang in there and wake up. Spike and I are here, honey. We love you, Buffy.” Angel’s tears mixed with the water from the shower. Spike’s expression was grim, but he didn’t cry. “Slayer, don’t you dare leave me! Wake up, Buffy! I need you, luv. I love you.” Both vampires continued to talk to her, standing in the cold water. There was a jumble of voices approaching the bathroom. Giles and Willow entered the room with a rush, emotion pouring off of them in waves. “Angel, Spike, what happened? Is she alive?” Giles was as close to panic as either vampire had ever heard him. “It was a bottle of pills and a bottle of booze. We found some of her diary pages in the trash just by chance. When we read them, we realized what she was planning and got here as quickly as we could.” Angel explained to the watcher. “Nibblet got her mum’s poison kit. We got the charcoal down her, but I thought we should wait until she’s more with it before we make her throw up.” Spike added to the explanation. “Spike, what are you doing in here? How did you get in?” Giles sounded angry with the blonde vampire. “Giles! If you and Spike have a problem, save it for later! Right now, Buffy’s life is more important to both of us than your petty fight. If it weren’t for Spike, I wouldn’t even know about this. He’s taken most of the action so far because he knows what to do.” Angel looked at the stricken expression on Giles’ face at his words. “Don’t forget one other thing, Giles. Spike is my childe, and regardless of his past, which isn’t nearly as bad as mine; I’m proud of him. He’s trying the best he can to be a better person. Not a better vampire, but a better person. And most important, he loves her.” “We’ll continue this conversation after she’s out of danger.” Angel’s tone and expression did not bode well for the outcome of that conversation with the watcher, even though Angel admired the man greatly. “Alright. What do you need?” Giles asked, quite subdued. “We need Red to see if she can help stabilize Buffy with any of her spells until the stuff is out of her system. And we need some black coffee. Tha’ Nibblet should have some made by now.” Spike gave the directions. Giles headed back to the kitchen, leaving Willow in the bathroom. “I’ve got an idea. I need to run to the kitchen and get a few things; I’ll be right back. I’ll make sure Giles has the coffee too.” She whirled and pelted down the stairs. ********************************************** ‘calling all angels calling all angels walk me through this one don't leave me alone calling all angels calling all angels we're cryin' and we're hurtin' and we're not sure why...’ Buffy was beginning to moan weakly as Willow rushed back into the bathroom, arms full of herbs and cups. She mixed some of the herbs into the cup of coffee that she then handed to Angel. The redheaded witch mixed more herbs into a small metal bowl and lit them. The smoke was dense and incredibly noxious. Opening the shower doors even more, Willow passed the container all around Buffy, making sure the limp blonde slayer was wreathed in the smoke as she was forced to breath the fumes. Angel and Spike heard Buffy’s heartbeat get a bit stronger and level out instead of the weak, faltering limp it had been. Her breathing became stronger as well. “Ok, I can tell she’s breathing better. What about her heartbeat?” Willow asked the two drenched vampires. “It’s better. Stronger and more even.” Angel told the slayer’s best friend. “Ok, get some of that coffee down her if you can. The stuff I put in it will help to stimulate her as well. Wake her up a bit more so she can get that stuff out of her system faster.” “I’m gonna go downstairs and see about Giles and Dawn. Yell if you need me.” She walked back out of the room without waiting for a reply. Finally Spike and Angel sat down on the bottom of the tub, holding Buffy between them, cradled in their laps, as the cold water still beat down on all of them. They took turns holding her head and getting the coffee herb mixture down her by the swallow, still rubbing her throat to cause her to swallow it. Gradually, after what seemed to be an eternity, Buffy began to show some signs of consciousness. She was paler than either vampire, with deep bruised looking circles around her eyes. Her lips that had been bluish, were beginning to regain some of their normal pink color. As the water pounded across the slayer’s head and shoulders she started to move, trying to get away from the water, coughing weakly. “Buffy! Can you hear me?” Angel asked her. “Wake up, Buffy. We need you to wake up more. We need to get you to drink something.” They had to listen closely to hear her words, but Buffy was trying to speak to the two vampires who were saving her life. He voice was just a raspy, slurred whisper. “Alllready drank ‘nough. Donh’t need drink no more.” “Yes, luv. You already drank way too bloody much. But this will make you get better.” Spike told her as he stroked her cheek. “Donh’t wanna get better. ’urts.” “I know it hurts, love. But we need you to get better. We’ll make the hurt better, Buffy.” Angel’s voice was steady even though tears still fell down his face, leaving pale blood tinged streaks on his cheeks as they mixed with the water from the shower. Spike held out his hand, holding the other bottle from the box Dawn had brought them. Angel took the lid off, without a word. Spike then tipped the bottle between Buffy’s lips. She made a face and weakly moved her head, causing Spike to spill part of the liquid. “Hold her head still, Angel! “ Spike snapped at his sire in his worry about this woman they both loved and had come so close to losing. She still wasn’t safe yet. Angel leaned Buffy back against his chest and held her head still with one hand on each side. Spike again tipped the liquid between her lips, holding her chin to keep her mouth closed and stroking her throat again. She finally swallowed when Angel reached around and pinched her nostrils, forcing her to swallow so she could open her mouth to get air. They followed the liquid syrup with more of the herbed coffee. She didn’t fight them about drinking it, having discovered the futility of that effort. ****************************************** ‘callin' all angels callin' all angels we're tryin' we're hopin' we're hurtin' we're lovin' we're cryin' we're callin' because we're not sure how this goes’ The last dose of syrup was finally working. Buffy had started to gag. Angel and Spike lifted her out of the shower toward the porcelain bowl. Water ran in rivulets off of the three of them. As the two vampires held and supported her, murmuring more words of comfort, Buffy emptied the contents of her stomach repeatedly.. Spike and Angel were actually quite happy to see so many portions of the undigested pills she had taken go down the drain. Buffy huddled on the floor between the two soaked men, shivering from the cold water, from the chemicals and alcohol in her system as well as the reaction of everything that had happened. They stripped her out of her wet clothes, toweling her down. Spike held her wrapped in a dry towel while Angel went to get dry clothes for her. The two vampires, blonde and brunette, got the shivering slayer they both loved, redressed and tucked her into bed. She clutched at them both. Although much more conscious than she had been, Buffy was still very drowsy. Spike curled up on the bed next to her, wrapping his arms and body around her, talking constantly to her, as Angel took the herbed coffee down stairs to reheat it. Giles and Willow both rushed up to the dark haired vampire. “How is she?” Willow asked. “Did you leave Spike up there alone with her?” Giles was upset about the possibility. “First, she’s better. She threw up a lot of the pieces of pills. We got her dried off and dressed and yes, Spike is up there alone with her. She didn’t want to be left alone and hung on to both of us. I left him with her while I reheated this for her.” “I’m going to take it back to her and then we’re gonna have that talk.” Angel turned away and almost stalked back up the stairs. He didn’t know what the problem with Giles and Spike was, but he was certainly going to get to the bottom of it. Back in Buffy’s room, Angel looked at Spike curled around the tiny blonde as she clung to him tightly. Her breathing was more normal. More like it usually was when she slept. “Here, get her to drink some more of this. I’ve got to go back down stairs for a few minutes.” Angel told the blonde vampire. “Don’t go getting’ in a bleedin’ argument with her watcher just for me.” Spike said very quietly. “Yes, I will and it’s not just for you.” Angel went back down the stairs leaving Spike with Buffy clinging to him. ********************************************** ‘A child and a fool in one So sure I could need no one My heart always on the run to nowhere Now as you're holding me My heart is reminding me That I could never be without you’ “Mmmmm, Spike.. what you doin’ here? Whyr I’m in bed? Is my hair wet?” Buffy slurred at the vampire she was holding like a life-line. “It’s ok, luv. Yes, your hair is wet. Angel and I had you in the shower. Do you remember what you did?” Spike asked her gently. “Drank your booze an’ took bunch o’ mom’s medicin’.” “Yes, luv, you did. Can you tell me why?” Reaction was still keeping the tears back for Spike. He was glad. He’d let them fall later, but now, she needed him. “Hurts so bad, Spike. Evrythin’ hurts. My mom, Anhgel, love you, but can’t love you. You’re a vampire, yoh know.” She drifted back to sleep again. Spike pulled her closer as he murmured into her hair, “Yes, luv. I know I’m a vampire. But I love you anyway, my darling luv.” *********************************************** ‘Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm only falling apart There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart Once upon a time there was light in my life but now there's only love in the dark Nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart’ Angel walked back down the stairs and into the kitchen where Willow and Giles were sitting. “Ok, Giles. What exactly is the problem you have with Spike?” “I should think that would be easy enough to understand, Angel. He claims to be in love with Buffy, yet he doesn’t have a soul. He’s a demon, a vampire. He has no regrets about anything he has done. He chained Buffy up and offered to stake Druscilla to prove his love.” Giles answered in a very tight angry voice. Angel sighed and looked at the watcher. “Giles, if you’ll remember, I’m also a vampire; so that argument doesn’t hold water. I have a demon as well. The soul I have is all that keeps me from killing and torturing, as you of all people know so well. Spike has never been like that.” “Do you know I spent 150 years with Darla? We were lovers but I never loved her. I couldn’t love her. Spike has no soul, you’re right. But he spent 100 years loving Druscilla. I couldn’t love without a soul; he can and always has been able to do so. The very fact that he was willing to stake Dru, says louder than any words that he really does love Buffy. If he says he loves her, he loves her. Right now, she’s alive upstairs because of him.” “He found a page of her diary in the trash when it blew out in the wind. He read it and brought it to me. I came back to look for more. What we read… Her mother, what I did to her by leaving, what all of you have done to her by your disapproval first of me and then of Spike… Everything piled up on her, she’s been afraid to love, but finally admitted to herself in her diary that she loves Spike.” “All of this is the reason she was looking for a way out. This is the one she chose.” Angel turned around to go back up to Buffy’s room. “Just remember that he’s the reason she’s alive right now.” Angel walked slowly up the stairs. Entering Buffy’s room, he looked at Spike curled around Buffy’s small body. “How is she? How are you?” “She’s doing better. She’s sleeping. Can you stay with her for a bit? I need to go outside and think a bit.” Spike was fighting to keep himself together. Angel could see the strain evident in every line of his childe’s body and face. He’d not cried at all; yet Angel could see the need to express his grief, pushing just under the blonde vampire’s skin. “Yeah, I’ll stay with her for a bit.” As Spike eased off the bed and out of Buffy’s arms, she whimpered. Angel slid into the space Spike had left. Buffy wrapped her arms around him and was quiet again. “I’ll be back in a bit.” Spike whispered as he headed for the door and down the steps. At the bottom of the stairs, he went out the front door to the porch and sat down heavily, hanging his head in his hands. The last several hours surfaced and overflowed as the tough, sharp-tongued vampire sobbed his unbeating heart out. Hearing the sound of someone crying, Willow walked out to the front porch to see Spike. She walked over to him and sat next to him, wrapping her arms around him as he leaned into her shoulder and cried harder. Gillian Silverlight 4/23/01 |