The Man From S.E.U.S.S. Affair
By Periwinkle


Did I ever tell you that U.N.C.L.E.
Had twenty-three agents and they gave them all numbers?
Well, they did. And that was a smart thing to do.

And on the far-away island of New York, Napoleon was king of the pond.
And Agent 11 and Agent 2 were happy. Quite happy indeed, they were...
Until Thrush, the worst of them all,
Decided the kingdom they ruled was too small.

"Oh look," said number two, the Russian spy,
"Mr. Black is passing by.
That makes me feel very sad.
As I know Mr. Black is bad."

"I see," said his partner in reply,
"You note that Mr. Brown is also passing by?
"Do you like Mr. Brown?
Would you like him as a friend?"

"I do not, could not like Mr. Brown,
I would not, will not, have him as a friend.
I really really don't like Mr. Brown,
And Mr. Brown is back in town.
Mr. Brown has come back.
Mr. Brown came back with Mr. Black."

Said the blonde, "Why do you think they are here?
Thrush is up to no good, I fear.
Mr. Brown, Mr. Black, will you please go now?"

His American partner, number eleven, sighed, and said,
"We need to look,
Shall we check out that no-good dirty crook?"

Agent two got out his pen,
"First let's call it in to headquarters.
Else, we will make Mr. Waverly very mad,
Even though we know the men are bad,
If we go follow them and don't notify
Whoever in Communications is standing by."
Uncapping the pen, he said "Open Channel D,
Mr. Waverly? Sir, we want to see
Where the Thrush satrap may be."

He could hear the sound of a pipe being lit,
Then came the voice of the Brit,
"Mr. Kuryakin, let me know what you find."

Nighttime found Agent 11 and Agent 2 peering at the site with infrared.
And Illya complaining, "I wish I was at home in bed."
Then he felt the cold metal of a gun to his head.
"I'm afraid your nap will have to wait," the Thrush guard said.

Napoleon counted the guards,
One guard, two guard, red guard, blue guard, more,
And the two agents knew they were defeated,
For the moment, their mission was completed.

Then the satrap head puffed his chest up with pride.
"I never," he said, "lose to the other side.
Moreover, I'll prove to you that I won't change my ways
If I have to keep standing here fifty-nine days!"

The men were thrown into a cell, handcuffed, stripped, and left to rot.
Napoleon sighed, "I can't believe we got caught."

"You hush up your mouth!" howled the mighty head of the satrap.
"You've no right to talk to the world's highest ruler like that.
I rule from the clouds! Over land! Over sea!
There's nothing, no, NOTHING, that's higher than me!"

"Another fine mess you've got us in"
Illya quoted to his friend.
His partner said with a smirk, "It's all right,
They missed some of my gadgets, so if you just sit tight,
We'll be able to escape tonight."

Said Thrush, "We are the worst of the worst! Oh, marvelous us!
For we are the ruler of all that we see!"

Later, Solo grabbed his buttons and lit their fuses,
And they made it out with a minimum of bruises,
Then grabbing some secret plans along the way,
And setting a bomb, blew up the Satrap to Thrush's dismay.

Illya looked at his friend, saying, "Another job well done."
And Solo replied, "Now I want to go have some fun."


-/-/-/-



Author's Note
There was a great response from Shay:
Imagine my happy discovery today!
(To think that I found this on MUNCLE's LJ!)
I'm liking your story; the language is lush --
(Let's hope it's not stolen by someone from THRUSH!)
As for Solo and Illya, they do well in rhyme.
(If only they'd done this in canon some time!)
They're witty and dangerous, sexy and cool,
(All things Cutter taught them at Survival School.)
Here's hoping you'll write more of Seussical spies,
Such clever behavior for our two fave guys!


To which I replied:

"Oh look," said Jane. "Oh look, Dick. Shay wrote for us."

Dick took a look. Jane had Dick take a look. Dick looked at it.

"Wow," said Dick. "Shay writes well. Shay can write very well."

"Yes, she can," said Jane. "Shay writes very well."

"You know what, Jane?" asked Dick.

"What?" asked Jane. "What should I know?"

Dick said, "Her review is funnier than your story."

"I noticed that," said Jane.

Books used for inspiration. (Based on my memory - I didn't have the books here.)
The Lorax
Hop on Pop
Green Eggs and Ham
Marvin K Mooney Will You Please Go Now?
The Cat in the Hat Comes Back -- a tip of the hat to Thing One and Thing Two
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
The Zax

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